What should be done here?

@lenapoo (674)
United States
May 6, 2007 11:55am CST
I have a stepdaughter who is eight years old and she lives with her dad and I. At first her mother wanted to spend time with her all the time because she was jealous of me being around her daughter. I suspected something early on because there was one day when he was supposed to have picked his daughter up at 8:30 in the morning and it was 9:00 when we woke up and she was banging on the door and when he opened it she said "I told you to come and get her at 8:30 it is 9:15! Don't bring her a$$ over there no d*** more until I tell you to! She said all this right in front of the child who at the time was four. Soon after that he would like call her and literally beg her to watch her own daughter. So one day he was talking to me about her and why she was acting like that. I said you shouldn't be calling her begging her to watch her own daughter if she wants to see her all that bad then she would call you sometimes and ask you to bring her over. So he stopped begging her to watch her own daughter and she didn't call her or come by to see her for two whole years and the sad thing about it was that we lived five minutes away from each other. I have came to the conclusion that she just doesn't care. To me that is what I get out of this I mean she lives five minutes away if that long and she won't call her, come by and see her, and she doesn't give him one penny to help take care of her. Tell me what u think? The other day my stepdaughter was crying and I said what is wrong with you and she said Why my mom always want to be with my sister and my brother, but not with me? I didn't want to tell her how I really felt so I just tried to make her feel better about it. Mind you that her other two kids don't live with her either, but she is always seeing them. Do you think that she cares about her? What could be the explanation as to why she does this? I had talked to her one day about it and she just pushed all the blame on to my husband saying that he was keeping her away from her. She tells everybody that like it is some kind of joke or something. What should I do to help the child understand that it is not her fault?
1 person likes this
2 responses
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
7 May 07
I guess all you can do is be there for her & make sure she knows she's loved. It's hard when a mother acts like that towards her own child, it would be harder still since she has other kids that she is still happy to see. I think you were right to stop your hubby begging his ex to take her child, it should be up to her to make the effort, it is her child & she should be taking an interest. I think perhaps the ex is just jealous of her daughter's relationship with you & even though YES she does care about her daughter, you obviously do a better job of mothering which is why she's so stand off-ish with you & reluctant to see her daughter. I think you should just give it some time & see if after a while the mother starts taking an interest again, if she doesn't then make sure the daughter knows it isn't her fault & that her mother does love her, she's just knows how happy her daughter is & wants her to stay like that!
@lenapoo (674)
• United States
8 May 07
I just hate that she is only interested in interacting with her daughter so that she can get information from her about me and my husband. I wish that when and if she ever wants to spend time with her daughter that she does it to spend time with her and not to get information about everyone else in the house. Also I believe that no matter what a child needs their mother. I mean a father is okay and so is a stepmom, but there is nothing like your own mom being there for you. I hope that she eventually starts to take an active role in her daughters life before it is too late.
• United States
6 May 07
I am going though this with my best freind and his son. The only thing that Iknow to do is to show him or in your case her that there is a mother fingure in their lives that loves them and will always bethere. Ever time he cries for his mom I till him I know that I am not yor mom but what do you need and i try to make it "all better"
@lenapoo (674)
• United States
8 Oct 07
Thanks for the advice it is good to know that I am not alone in this particular area.