Role Of Victim
May 9, 2007 9:43am CST
I found this just a little bit ago, I am not a much a of a copier and paster, I am however going to paste this. It spoke to me as I can relate to theses points. Heck I have used most of them myself. The role of Victim (poor me) is a favorite with many of us. There are so many "benefits" we can ensure by playing the role of the victim. 1. We automatically gain self-worth. Follow this reasoning closely. As a victim, we are the one to whom injustice is being done. Thus, the others are unjust, incorrect, not okay, wrong in what they do and consequently we are just, okay, good and right. We are worthy and they are not. Many of us, who lack sufficient self-esteem, find this as a way we can establish our self-worth, by being the victims of others' wrong doings. 2. As victims we can play on the others' pity and guilt. When they are angry with us, we can diminish their rage and aggression by appearing weak and abused. (LMAO I've sooo done this with my husband before) 3. When we want something from some one, we can play on their guilt, by making them feel responsible for our unhappiness or our problems. (also guilty as charged..) 4. We "as victims" are not responsible for our reality and thus not to blame if we or our lives are not as we would like them to be. We have an excuse for not being okay or manifesting our potential. So essentially, as victims, we gain what we want from the others, by making them feel responsible for our reality, and by believing that we are weak, incapable and in need of help. When confronted with loved ones who are playing the role of victim, we need to free ourselves from the illusion that we are responsible for their reality or that we can create their happiness, health or success in life. We can love and support them with all heart, but we cannot create their happiness, health or success. Only they can do that. We need to express our love to them in ways that they can feel it, without getting caught up in feeling responsible or guilty for their reality. This requires a combination of love, effective communication and clarity of mind. We need to help them find another way of getting what they need. Away free from self-pity and unnecessary suffering. When we serve someone a fish, we feed them once. When we teach them to fish, we feed them for a lifetime. So the greatest gift we can give is our faith in the other's ability to solve his or her own problems. I learned this lesson long ago, but I have never seen the points written as they are here. Do you have any thoughts to share or have you had experience in this area?