what do i really want

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i am a normal girl and lack of confidence follow the huge competition in china, my parents have contibute so much on me,the love, money, time,,,,,,now they ar very old, and i can not respond them, i wanna become what they wanna me to be,,,but,,i am not a hard woking guy,i like shopping, like dining out, karaok with friends,i feel so sorry bout them,let them disapoint of me,,,,,,think before, i ask them to give me opportunity, but i do not appreciate it.ultimately,what do i really want, this time i cannot complaint my parents, i hve to complaint myself,,,,, my friends how can u persist in makine effert on study and working, please pull your finger out and tell me your experience. cheers