what ive done

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i broke up with my boyfriend 6 month ago.it was the saddest moment in my life.i love him so much.so dearly.you dont know how much he means to me.his my soul.his my everthing.he make me feel im worth something in this world.its so painfull to talk about this.i always cry everytime i talk about him.i know its few month ago but its hard for me to forget him.Last time even do he does not have the courage to say to my face but i get the message.The reason that he want to break up with me because his bored with me and i was his toys when he feel like to he want me.he will pick up the phone.when he doesnt he just ignore me.but i just waited for him even do he ignore.i was so in love with him.The stupid things i did, i could not see it because i love him so much.at the end i see that i was just his entertaintment.start giving me stupid excuses.the first i meet him it was not like this.when i live far away from him, i started to feel the changes in him.i been with for three year.i know him.but i just ignore those feeling.at the end,he just left me.just like that.like those 3 years never meant anything to him.when i want to confront him and talk to him.He just change his number.i was so depressed.those moment i feel like i want to jump off the building.may be there something wrong with me.Thats why people keep treating me like this.i feel like a dagger to my heart.its so painfull.i told this one guy,i thought he was my bestfriend but i guess i was wrong.he make me feel like i was a piece of crap.like im worthless .when i confront him,he just manipulate my words.i could not say anything.he blame it on me.im too embrassed to say what had happend between me and that friend that i trust.the situation become more worse and worse.more depressing when i dont have any friend to talk to.i trust someone,he did that to me.And i kept my problem to myslef.That became more worse that ever.Couldnt tell anyone the real truth what had happend with my ex boyfriend and that friend i trust.If they know what had happend,its going to get complicated.im going to hurt someone that i love close to me.i couldnt do that.I rather carry this burden myself than hurt someone that ilove.i feel guilty not telling the truth.My life is like bad cycle after another.Right now i feel empty.Thats my problem.I dont know how to overcome this emptyness.Feel like im alraedy dead.No heart and souls. i want to feel happy again.i want to feel like im alive again..can you tell me what its feel like to be happy?Im trying my best to move on with my life.Trying my best to forget him.