Going to see Dad

@linda345 (2661)
Canada
May 19, 2007 12:51am CST
We took my granddaughter to see her father this weekend. We drove half way. She cried almost all the way there. It is 6 hours to his place. This guy didn't even show an interest in the baby until she was almost a year old. Then when my daughter handed her over, the baby screamed. She just didn't want to go. I think she is too young for these visits. The travel time is too long and she is too young to be going back and forth like this. It is going to be sorted out in court soon. Tell me what you think. I would love to hear from people who have been in situations like this.
9 people like this
17 responses
• Philippines
19 May 07
i don't see any reason why the child must see the father if the father is not keen on it and the child does not welcome doing it. my husband and i got separated since my children were still very young. the separation was by choice rather than by court action or any legal way. when my husband came over to take a child away, i reasoned with him. let them stay under my care until they have graduated in college. if all of them are through with school, they can all go to him and they can all live together as i go my way. this will make the children emotinally stable during their years of youth.
@EvanHunter (4028)
• United States
23 May 07
I have to say from experience its allot easier than later in life. I always hear couples fighting over visitation and arguing in front of the kids or saying what they feel in front of the kids. I cant tell you enough what kind of strain this puts on your children (or grand children) especially the older they get. If he is putting the child in harms way thats another story but most of the time people are still bitter about the breakup or just want to control the situation. Its not about what you think is right or wrong its about whats right for any child and that is to know both parents the longer you put it off the more difficult it will be for the child.
1 person likes this
@suscan (1955)
• United States
22 May 07
Fathers are an important part of a child's life, but he should be the one who travels to see the baby. Especially a young child.
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
22 May 07
Most young children don't do long car trips very well...mostly b/c they get bored. Little children especially don't like spending alot of hours strapped into a carseat. If you have to take her on long trips, you might try frequent stops to take her out and let her move around a little. Also if there is someone who can sit next to her and try to keep her occupied. Also alot of babies and young children are disagreeable with ppl they don't know and that may be what caused her to start screaming. I wish you luck with your situation. LIVE IN PEACE
1 person likes this
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
20 May 07
I don't think she's too young for these visits, she needs to know who her father is & what better way for her to do that than to learn early on. I agree with what someone else said too - you ARE doing the right thing! Of course she's going to get upset when she's handed over - this is a new person that she's not yet comfortable with so of course she'll be a little scared but the more she see's him, the more she will be ok with it. He may not have had or wanted anything to do with his daughter for a year but not everyone is READY to be a parent, in that 12 months he may have grown up some & become more responsible & that's why he is wanting to see her now, i think he's doing the right thing as a father by wanting to know her & wanting to spend time with her. I haven't been in this situation but my BIL has a non biological daughter who will one day be told that & i'm sure there will be a time she'll want to know her real father, or visa versa & they both have the right to know each other.
• United States
20 May 07
6 hours is just too much. Honestly, I'd let him come see her in your town. I think most judges and courts would consider 6 hours far enough to do a week at Christmas and some time in the summer and call it good unless he came to her.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 07
It always take time to get to know each other.It's always a good idea to remember that children get very used to their environment and have a hard time getting used to other ones.
@Justme2007 (1848)
• United States
19 May 07
A lot of people say that a baby needs to be in the fathers life but if he really wanted to see the baby he would come to her unless he is in jail. A child suffers more when they are forced to see the other parent then when they aren't.
1 person likes this
@s_keenom (33)
• United States
19 May 07
I was 19 when I had my daughter and my boyfriend at that time was 25. I guess he was real inmature because when we broke up he had nothing more to do with her. Well I guess he never had anything to do with her. I broke up with him when I was 2 months pregnant. He just wasn't even trying to do better for us. But, the real reason I am writing ... I think even though she is crying she should get to know her father. But, he needs to move closer. My daughter is almost 7 and has a lot of issues with understanding why she doesn't know her father.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
19 May 07
Does the father show interest now? If he does than i think you should let him see her - but maybe he should do the driving instead. It is important to have a father as well and even though she is scared now that will get better if she sees more of him.
1 person likes this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
19 May 07
I think it's very important for father's to be involved in the lives of thier children. I think he should feel that way as well. If he's not interested, it may do more harm than good. It may be more beneficial for her to have another male role model in her life. But the father may begin enjoying the visits more. Maybe he is uncomfortable having other's around while he visits with his daughter? Maybe he feels rejected b/c she is unfamiliar with him, and cries when he's around? But then again, maybe he's just a selfish guy, but if he's willing to drive six hours to see her, it shows that he does care. I think it would be really hard for him to drive the whole way, that's a 24 hour drive there and back, and that's difficult to schedule! I would suggest getting something in the car for the kiddo, so she's in a better mood when she sees her daddy. Maybe suggest it to him, that he help pitch in for a portable dvd player or something, so she's not so grumpy and the trip will be less stressful! If he wants to see her, (and if he's driving 6 hours there and 6 hours back, he prob. does want to see her) I think it's best that you continue to try and include him in your granddaughters life. It's a gift that you are selflessly giving to her, that she may never fully understand, but will be precious to her in the long run. If she can keep her relationship with her father strong, it will be very benificial for her as she grows up!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
19 May 07
If he is that Interested in the Child he would not put her through that drive he would make his Way there to see her as yes the Little one is obviously traumatized by it Also to her he is a Stranger so she will scream when she is handed to him I do hope it will be sorted in Court as he should make his way to the Child
1 person likes this
@latsmom (824)
19 May 07
I thin kit is important that if both parents want to play a role in the childes life that they are able to unless there are extreem circumstances such as abuse and violence. I think this guy could meet you half way though and come and visit you sometimes too. A lot of men including my daughters own father did not really pay an interest in my daughter until she was old enough to walk adn hold a conversation with him, now although we have split he is a great father to her adn takes her everywhere with him when he has her adn they have both built a great relationship. Maybe your grandaughters father feels awkward that he is being watched and feels he is being tested in some way or maybe he just does not know what to do with such ayoung chidl and not being part of her everyday life is finding it hard to bond. I don't think that she is too young to see her dad however I do feel the length you have to travel in order for him to have access is a bit extreem and I think he shoudl also put the effort in and come and see your grandaughter rather than you and your daughter doing all the running, if that is possible.
1 person likes this
@rapolu_cs (1184)
• India
19 May 07
Baby should be taken tp his father because she should know who is her father and at this age i think it is not so necessary and this can be done even after when she begins recognising the parents and moreover if the babies father is not interested in her then there is no matter to introduce her to him and i think it is unusefull.
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
19 May 07
That's the sad thing about these situations - the one that gets hurt the most is the children. I certainly think that young children should not be expected to relate to 'strangers'. If the father isn't active in she is going to be upset and not know him.
@kelly60 (4548)
• United States
25 May 07
If he wants to see her now, you pretty much have to let him see her, no matter how difficult it is for all of you. You will have to wait and see what is decided in court, but chances are that some sort of visitation agreement will be decided where this will be an ongoing thing anyway. You really will not have much choice in the matter. My kids were older when we went through the whole visitation deal, but they were made to go visit their father whether they liked it or not. We had been split up for several years already, and the younger two really did not even remember him since he had no contact with them.
• India
20 May 07
i havnt been in such a situation before :)