do you spank the little ones for their wrongdoing? is it proper to do so?

@rojane (500)
Philippines
May 22, 2007 4:59am CST
when your kids or your nephews, nieces or other little ones commit mistake, is it just okay to spank them? or do you just talk to them and explain that what they did is bad? i have a niece and a nephew in our house and i know that it's really hard to discipline the toddlers. how do you discipline the kids who don't have much understanding?
12 people like this
44 responses
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
22 May 07
My son is 4, and I've never spanked him. It was just one of those things my wife and I decided, and it turns out he reacts very well to having things explained to him. We also use a chart system, where he gets stickers for good behaviour and a cross for bad. He hates getting a cross, so it works really well. I think it is harder to make a decision when it isn't your kid, and you probably need to know how they are usually disciplined and follow suit. If you can get away with talking to them, that would be the best outcome.
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
23 May 07
well if that's the case, you should thank God for you are a very lucky father, muscare. at least your son obeys you just because of your "chart system". there are those, including my niece, who won't even care less if they get stickers or cross. we don't even know how to discipline her. not that she's such a bad kid or what, in fact she's sweet but she could be stubborn sometimes. she knows what she wants and would certainly find way to get it. in a way, it's good but there are times that it's not.
1 person likes this
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
23 May 07
Thanks, rojane, I know I'm a very lucky father, he is a great son. I will admit that my tone of voice will often work before needing a cross on his chart, and usually after he won't listen to mum. Your situation is just so different in the fact that they are not your kids. I won't spank my son, as you know, but that doesn't mean I frown on people who do. If that is the way a kid has been brought up, it is the only way they know. Sorry I can't really offer any more help.
1 person likes this
@magica (3710)
• Bulgaria
22 May 07
OMG! It seems that my daily topic is spanking. I was asked if i spank my pets, if i spank my husband, now you ask me if i spank little children...No! I dont believe that the spanking is a method to get respect. My way is to create atmosphere of trust between us without to spoil. And the best method is awards. If the child refuses to do something-there is a reason.If this reason is good-that`s ok. If no- then he will not have award. Usually this works.
4 people like this
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
23 May 07
oh, award-giving sounds good to me, magica. i think i should try that with my 3-year-old niece who always sleeps at around 11-12:30pm!!! imagine that?!?!? but, oh, i remember. i already tried that technique. we told her that she won't go to the mall with us come morning but it didn't have effect on her. she still sleeps late! argh!
1 person likes this
@arsena (293)
• Germany
22 May 07
I think I don't agree with any kind of violene against anybody so I would not spank the hildren either. I think ther are other methods of teaching them what is good and what is bad.
4 people like this
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
22 May 07
My little one has had a tap on the fingers a couple of times but only for serious things otherwise 'NO' usually does the trick. You shouldn't be smacking or disciplining other people's children as far as i'm concerned anyway. They are not your problem & it should only be the parents who spank should they choose to do so. I don't think i'd be very happy if i found out my parents or siblings had smacked my child for doing something wrong, it's just not their place to be doing that & i'm sure you wouldn't appreciate someone spanking your child - since it's not their right to do it.
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
23 May 07
but she's been living with us, in our house, since she had turned 1 year old. she'll be turning 4 yrs old this july. her mother left the reponsibility with her to us since she is working in a province. anyways, though the setup gives us the right to spank her, we don't. guess we just have a soft spot seeing little kids crying because of pain. so disciplining her is kind of hard being the stubborn girl that she is. sigh.
1 person likes this
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
23 May 07
but she's been living with us, in our house, since she had turned 1 year old. she'll be turning 4 yrs old this july. her mother left the reponsibility with her to us since she is working in a province. anyways, though the setup gives us the right to spank her, we don't. guess we just have a soft spot seeing little kids crying because of pain. so disciplining her is kind of hard being the stubborn girl that she is. sigh.
1 person likes this
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
23 May 07
but she's been living with us, in our house, since she had turned 1 year old. she'll be turning 4 yrs old this july. her mother left the reponsibility with her to us since she is working in a province. anyways, though the setup gives us the right to spank her, we don't. guess we just have a soft spot seeing little kids crying because of pain. so disciplining her is kind of hard being the stubborn girl that she is. sigh.
1 person likes this
@lpetges (3036)
• United States
22 May 07
a tap on the bottom never hurts them, but they do remember that more than a time out. My kids didn't even try and get away with misbehaving at retaurants or places out of the home... they knew better. Toddlers are just the same as adults in some ways, if you let them walk all over you, they will do so all of their lives! Ive seen so many naughty kids in stores these days, its crazy! what happened to parents?
3 people like this
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
23 May 07
you know what guyz? my 2-year-old nephew receives a lot of spanking from her mother. but the more he's being spanked, the more he cries and the more he insists on getting what he wants. and if we try to talk to him in a disciplinary way, he easily brushes that off and still will insist. how would you ever deal with his kind of attitude?
1 person likes this
@sunshinecup (7881)
22 May 07
Yes I spank. Good grief, I was spanked as a child, and I am not a person that is violent. I have neither social problems nor low self-esteem. Spanking does not teach children it's ok to hit nor does it make them social misfits when done in moderation and not taken to extreme. Anything taken too far can cause more harm than good. A woman here, is being prosecuted for abuse because she stuck her 6 year old child in "time out" for 5 hours. Imagine the effects THAT will have on this child. Doesn't mean time out is wrong, just the mother. Same with spanking. Yes, there are other wonderful ways of correcting your child, I use them all. I fit the punishment to the crime. Spanking is for capital offenses such as stealing, lying and doing anything that will jeopardize their lives. Scolding, timeout, loss of toys and/or privileges, I use to deal everything else with.
3 people like this
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
23 May 07
count me in! i'm also on the same boat. i was spanked also but i am doing good in everything. i didn't turn out to be a brat and a violator of rules. fortunately. hehehe.
1 person likes this
• India
22 May 07
if they commit any mistakes so i will try to not to give that thing another time so they will not commit any mistakes which they done previously and i like to tell them if they donot listen so i will not give anything to play so they start sitting silently and after sometime i will give some toys to them!
3 people like this
@sidoney (1033)
• Jamaica
22 May 07
a while back some one said something that made me think they said that when a man beats a woman he does the same thing that was done to him when he was little just as when he was young they spanked him then hugged him and say i'm sorry hush ect that's the exact patern of abuse that is being used I personally think that children does live what they learn they learn from what they see and feel each dayso you teach abuse they will abuse some times even other kids at school or play
3 people like this
@mememama (3077)
• United States
22 May 07
In all my years of babysitting and my few short ones as a parent, I have never spanked. Depending on age, I use redirection, time outs, and loss of privelages. I always talk to the child and let them know what happened. You have to take a deep breath and remind yourself that they can push your buttons and are trying to set up boundaries with you. Here is a great link with a lot of discipline techniques and advice by a doctor. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp
• United States
22 May 07
I also believe in spanking in the right circumstances, example running into the street is dangerous and needs to make sure that kids know not to do it. I would never spank another person's child, truthfully consistency is the best discipline.
2 people like this
@mememama (3077)
• United States
22 May 07
I think you misread me, I don't believe in spanking!
2 people like this
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
23 May 07
hi there! thanks a lot for sharing your opinions. however, i had read the comments and "time outs" were often mentioned here. pardon me but i really don't know what that word meant. i would really appreciate your helping me to define this. oh my gosh! i dunnoh if it's because i'm still not yet a parent OR it's just that my vocabulary is so limited! sorry if i have to ask you this. thanks in advance.
1 person likes this
@jcgbrains (139)
• United States
22 May 07
Spanking is one method of punishing children, although one of the more controversal methods of punishing children. Spanking is ok, if done properly, one swat is all you should need. Not only just the one, but it must be quick, sure, hare enough to create a mental impression but not hard enough to leave a mark. Finally it must hit the as*.
2 people like this
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
23 May 07
i agree with you though i really don't spank my niece and nephew. too much of something is really bad. yeah, spanking is just ok so long as it doesn't bruise or like you said, give mark on the kids.
• United States
23 May 07
Finally spanking is far from the only choice and should not be your first choice. If they upset you, it is always the wrong choice as the fact that you are upset increases the chances of you overdoing it dramatically.
@rapolu_cs (1184)
• India
22 May 07
I never do spanking kids it may make them do the wrong things again and again and they may become stubburn,what i thing. In such cases i just talk to them calmly in quite manner as if iam advising them and if atall this does not works i just punish them by tying them to something hard and by scaring them that i lock them in the dark roomalong with some cockroaches and it worked many times aand they obey my word,even now also.
• Australia
22 May 07
Here in Australia you'd have your kids taken off of you if you locked them in a dirty, dark room - it's called child abuse here. They want to remove spanking here as well but i dunno what will happen with that. I could never lock my daughter in a room, that just seems unnecessarity cruel.
2 people like this
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
23 May 07
i guess here in the philippines we are somehow lucky. parents don't get imprisoned or something just by spanking their kids. maybe some of us just somehow believe that spanking, in a way, is a form of discipline too. but of course, like any other thing, too much of something is bad. though i personally don't spank my niece and nephew, i think i can accept minor spanking. but if spanking results to bruises and such, well that's a whole different story. our country won't also approve of that and some do get imprisoned by doing it.
1 person likes this
@cheenlly (3483)
• Philippines
22 May 07
Children nowadays are intelligence so even if they are still little we have to discipline them. For me spanking is ok as long as when you spank the kids they will feel the love because you want them to be corrected in their wrong doing. After spanking explain to them why you do that for them to understand. They will then aware next time that what they do is not good. YOu know what i mean, spanking with love....its so deep to explain but i know you got it. thanks
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
23 May 07
oh, thanks cheenly. yeah, i got it. that's what our pastor/precher do to his kids. he spanks them if their misbehaving is too much and later on explains to them why they were spanked. he makes sure that his kids understood the reason of doing so.
1 person likes this
@limcyjain (3523)
• India
26 May 07
No i dont believe in spanking. Children need to be guided to differnt tasks and spanking them is not just the right method of teaching. They need counseling from their parents elders teachers when they are wrong. One can give incentives for children to be disciplined which as i have konw surely helps like giving them sweets or icecream if they agree to be disciplined. This should not be a practice but surely can be used as a tool now and then.
• United States
23 May 07
My mother was not afraid to spank my brother and I. All of my friends and myself were spanked as children if we did not behave.
2 people like this
• China
23 May 07
As it happens,I have a naughty niece who is also lovely living upstairs.She is often sent to my home to take care of.Whenever she is insubordinate,my father will connive,when I will persuade her in words.It's known that toddlers are not so reasonable as adults,so,it's not that easy to tame them. In spite of these,I don't agree withe the view to spank the little ones,which doesn't help at all and will give them a negative infection. I find that treating a child we should not only have benevolence ,but also patience.When they make a mistake,we should teach them as carefully as possible.As time passes,they will understand more and more.
@desty_1 (26)
• United States
23 May 07
I have two sons, 3 years old and 8 months old. The 8 month old is too young to correct; you take him out of the situation, pick him up, feed him, change him, or put him to bed. The 3 year old knows exactly what he's doing. I try, more times than not, to correct him by redirection but it doesn't work over half the time. My normal response is to remove him from the situation; he throws a fit, but, for right now, I'm bigger than him. However, if he does something dangerous (stands on the table, plays with power outlets, plays with the stove, etc) the response is an immedidate removal and a spanking. After words, I kneel down to his level and explain why daddy spanked him and why he must never do it again.
2 people like this
@tina12679 (1126)
• United States
23 May 07
Spanking really isnt allowed much anymore in different places where i live if you spank your child you may be brought up on child abuse charges,there needs to be a clearer explanation of child abuse beating of a child and spanking a child for correction. i however feel that spanking little ones not to hurt, but to pat their butt so to speak to hurt their feelings shoudl be ok, when they get older spanking doenst have the same effect as it did as when it was more of a hurt feeling then when you would have to just make it hurt and i dont think that solves anything.
• India
22 May 07
No I don't spank the little ones for their wrongdoing.I think it is not the proper way to tackle with them.If they really get hurt during this spanking than they never hear u, in their life even they know they are wrong.I usually prefer to talk with them and explain them what is wrong and what is good.So that they understand the difference between good and bad.With good and loveing conversation, it will be easy to handle them properly .
@maxy29 (77)
• India
22 May 07
i dont spank bcoz i dont have children.....
2 people like this
@shadjee1 (604)
• Philippines
22 May 07
It depends on the gravity of their mistake. I do not usually spank my son. If ever i did, after a few moments, or once i've cooled down, i go to them immediately and explain why i did it. at least he'll know that its not right to do it again.
• United States
22 May 07
Never punish in a way that makes you say I'm sorry after you punish them. If it would make you say that, then find another way to punish them, of which there are plenty.
1 person likes this
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
23 May 07
you're damn right, jc! but i think shadjee didn't mean that he says sorry to his son afterwards. he just explains to his son the reason of his spanking to give his son a better udnerstanding.
• Janesville, Wisconsin
23 May 07
I tell them know, then explain to them what they did wrong, and have them repeat it to me, and try to do it a better way. I only would spank if it was life threatening or severly damaging behavior.. that needs to stop right away, even then I would try time outs and every other technique I could prior to spanking. - DNatureofDTrain
@rojane (500)
• Philippines
5 Jun 07
That's such a great way to discipline them. Thanks for sharing.