Am I protecting my sons?

I think that you are doing the right thing keeping these boys away from the birth mother. When they are old enough to decide if they want to associate with her or get to know her better this is when it will happen. I wouldn't give into others pressures if I were you. You are thinking about the well being of your children as you should be.

First of all, I want to commend you for wanting to provie a good life for the boys. Not all would have done what you did. I really think that its nice that you adopted your great nephews. I feel sad for their mother. She should straighten her life once and for all for the sake of her kids. In time, they will grow up and is that how she wants them to think of her? It is not wrong that you don't want your adopted sons to see their birth mother specially if she hasn't changed her ways. It could psychologically affect them. In time the boys will be able to decide for themselves. Continue to be the good mother that you are. Do not worry about what your other relatives are thinking of.

Your first priority is those boys. You were allowed to adopt them because you conviced the courts that you were capable of doing what is in their own best interest. If she has not taken any of the classes or treatments that she was told to, then she has not proven herself to be serious about this situation. You said that she drove drunk with the oldest in her car and the youngest in her stomach, how do you know that she will not put their lives in danger again. If the children have a problem with this when they get older, you explain that you did what was best for them. Don't make any apologies to anyone and stand your ground. When they accuse you of being chidish or whatever, you simply say that you are doing what is best for the children and walk away. There is no need to argue when you are right. These boys are counting on you.

I think that you are doing the right thing to protect these children, you are keeping them from having certain emotional and mental damage. If they want to see they're mother its a different story, however its her wanting to see them. I think that every parent has a right to see they're children, but having the privelege is a different story. You protect them in the right way, I look up to you, you are a wonderful mother.

we have one son or two .My son ten years old but he is protect me .He is helping me .So many things he is doing for me.He is market and bring vegetable and some thing which is necessary in my house. He is comming with me when Iam not feeling well.

How old are your boys now? In my opinion it is only fair to give her the chance to see her kids. And the children have the right to know their biological mother. I think it's alright to allow them to see their mother but they should be aware of the real situation. Also maybe you could bridge a good relationship between them. Perhaps seeing his boys on a regular basis will help her change. But also it is your right to give rules. You are actually the legal mother so you can impose something like "you can only see them if you promise that...." i hope i'd given you some pointers.

This is an old discussion but I felt I needed to say that I'm with you... You are their mother you have Loved and cared for them and have gone out of your way to protect them... You are a good Person..... untill your neice grows up and shows some Integrity, I would keep her at arms length away........

She lost her parental rights, correct? You are now their legal gardian/mother and you have every right to refuse her from seeing those boys. She isn't their mother, you are. That is how I see it anyway. She had plenty of chances to fix her life up, she chose not to. Don't worry what others say, you are the mother and you know what is best. In some cases keeping them apart might work out better, it's healthier for the kids. She shouldn't be allowed to come and go as she pleases, that could confuse the kids. If you want her to have any part in the boys life, maybe set some guidlines with her and make it to where she just can't come over when she wants. She has to call a week before time or something. But that is only if you really want her in the picture, if not, then that is your choice and only yours. How old are the boys now? Have you asked them if they want to see their biological mom or are they still to young? I would also never leave her alone with the boys and monitor everything, that is if you do give her a chance to be in their life, but she also has to understand that you are their mother now.

You are these boys mother now, so it is your decision to let her be in their life or not. I think you are doing the right thing because the boys don't need that kind of influence in their lives. Children need stability and having someone who they love come in and out of their lives could harm them in the long run. Stand your ground and keep those boys safe.

If I were in your shoes I would do exactly what you are doing . You have to think of the two boys and not of what everyone else thinks . It doesn't sound like any of them are thinking of the effect this will have on the boys if you start a friendship with your niece . You have taken these boys in and given them a home when no one else did and you are there mother . You are the one that was there for them when they got up in the middle of the night , were sick , when they fell down , or when they painted a picture . You are the one who has did all the caring for them and paid for anything they needed and was there to give them all the love they deserved . You are the one who held them when they needed comfort and laughed with them when they did something cute . So you are there mother in every sence of the word . Just because you didn't deliver them doesn't meant that you are not there mother . A mother is the person who is there to care for you , to share in your happiness and be there when you need someone , to be the person who would do anything for you and to love you the whole time . You are doing the right thing for you and the boys and don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong . They are not the one's who were there to help the boys when the boys needed someone and they are not the one's that will always be there . Your niece will only cause trouble and neither you nor the boys need that . Take Care

I would leave things just the way they are. She has proved that she has no interest in forming a bond with her boys. She has not even tried to accomplish what she was told she needed to accomplish. Before I would allow her to get close to me which it appears to me she is wanting because she wants to be around the boys she would have to prove to me she is trust worthy and up to this point she has proved she isn't. She has encouraged the boys to not follow the rules. What kind of a mom would do that. Follow your heart. You have the best interest of your boys. So if I read your discussion right as far as their ages they aren't very old at this point. They don't need a influence that will confuse them.

Kiss, my friend....I do not want to appear cruel or heartless and you know me, that is not my way... BUT, she was given every opportunity to show that these children were important to her...and she CHOSE not to do any of it....just because NOW it is convenient for her to come into your home and disrupt these children's lives....no, I do not think that she has earned the right to do this to you....or the children..."The one time I did allow her to see the boys she made a point to encaourage the boys not to follow the rules. Which is very bad for the one because he has ADHD." She should be ashamed of herself...for even asking....You have provided these boys with a stable, happy home life...something she was not even willing to try to do... I think that the family members who are giving you a hard time..need to get over it...where were they when all of this was going on....they were not "jumping through each hoop that they ask me to like a trained dog. I am going to parenting classes, changed jobs so that my hours fit around their schedule. I made sure that the state would have no reasons to complain about anything I did. I ended up adopting both boys." She by law has no right to these children!! By law of nature even less, in my opinion...you have told them that they are adopted...you have told them who their biological birth doner is....when they are old enough...if she is still clean...then I MIGHT allow them to develop a relationship...if I saw no adverse reaction from the addition of her in their lives...but these children are still young...I think she can only do more harm at this point... She has already shown her appreciation for all that you have done for HER family..."The one time I did allow her to see the boys she made a point to encourage the boys not to follow the rules. Which is very bad for the one because he has ADHD." Ultimately this is a decision that you will have to make...but I, for one, feel that it is your responsibility to protect these boys....a job which God blessed her with and she snubbed her nose at.... I realize that someone will be unhappy with you no matter whbat you decide to do...which is not fair....but that is just the way some people will be...you can not change it...you have earned the right to be these innocent boy's mother and I would not let anyone tell me how to raise my children... If you feel that you can begin a "friendship" with your neice and not have the children around for a while...I could understand....but I would not feel obligated...I just would not allow her or anyone else in the family to pressure you..... However, I bet that she will not want to do this...in that manner....i get the feeling that she is trying to undermine your position with these boys....and she has no right to do that!!! Not now....Not ever!!!! I will pray for you.....and for the boys....and your neice.. I hope that I did not offend you, Kiss, my friend...I am concerned for you....and I truly wish you the very best in trying to deal with this situation...I also want you to feel free to PM me if you need to talk....I will be here for you! Tina

I honestly do think you are doing the right thing. You are now their mother and you are there to protect them and guide them into the right direction. I might have done the same thing on not letting them see her. She is just mad because she don't want to face the truth and maybe one day they will realize what is really going on and why you are doing what you are doing. As far as rebuilding a relationship with her I would do it slowly and without the boys around her just you and her maybe going to lunch, dinner dates, movies, things like that and then when you feel comfortable for the boys to be around her make sure you are there like dinner at your house, or at a public place like a restraunt, or activities the boys maybe involved in. My parents used to do a foster care and I know what it is like with some of the parents so just try to make it work with your comfort level and the boys as well.

I think you have it right. She is obviously not mature or even trying to be if she is telling them not to follow the rules you have set up for them and for their well being and safety. I wouldn't let her see the boys if I were in your situation. They need stability and it doesn't seem like she's going to be providing any, so why put them thru that? Your doing a great job, kudos for you.

You are these boys mother now, so it is your decision to let her be in their life or not. I think you are doing the right thing because the boys don't need that kind of influence in their lives. Children need stability and having someone who they love come in and out of their lives could harm them in the long run. Stand your ground and keep those boys safe.

I think the best thing in the world for you to do is to leave things the way they are. I know she may want to see the boys and they may even be curious about her but she does not sound like a stable, healthy person to me. Perhaps when the boys are older they can build a relationship with her. Alot of times ppl who lose their children think if a family member gets them they can still get around the courts and get to see them. I had a friend that had a little girl in our foster home. She begged me to adopt the little girl b/c she knew they were going to take away her right b/c she refused to do anything they asked her to do. I wondered why she wanted me to adopt her so badly and she finally told me b/c that way she could come and see her whenever she wanted, take her on trips and such...basically act like nothing had happened. We didn't adopt her and although it broke my heart to not have her I'm glad we didn't. I'll say a prayer for you and your boys...good luck! AT PEACE WITHIN