Out Of The Casual.... Into The Personal....
By SpitFire179
@SpitFire179 (2536)
Canada
June 4, 2007 5:33pm CST
I do the best i can
We try everything we can think of...
But still no baby...
My husband and i have been trying to have a baby for a few years now.
But nothing.
I've had problems, that have been worked on, and we've tried so many things thinking about it makes my head spin.
people say, forget about it, it'll happen...
you try forgetting about something you want so bad that your heart aches every day of your life.
My husband's been acting funny for a while, cranky and such, i couldn't figure it out until today, what was bothering him.
He wouldn't tell me, and then today, on the phone while he's at work, he goes into everything, talking about the fact that we're not getting pregnant, and nothing seems to work, and maybe we need a surrogate, and adoption is too much, and we need a baby, and all this stuff that i know oh so well, the stuff that goes through my head on a daily basis, and it rips me to shreads when it comes to mind.
I'm sick of being childless, i'm sick of wanting a child, i'm sick of this non stop unforgiving pain that keeps coming back and hiding me away from the world.
I can't stand this anymore, and it seems my hubby is feeling the same thing.
I know it'll happen, i know, it takes time and all that...
i've had a friend just today (in my upset) tell me to try this one firtility treatment, it works amazingly he says... i think him and his wife used it or maybe a friend of his, i don't know, i didn't ask.
i think i'll talk to my doctor about it, but i'm more natural, i don't want to harm a child that i want so bad with firtility medication....
if anyone has any ideas, anything, i'd really be relieved to hear something new.
I don't want to hear it'll happen, or forget about it, or take a vacation, or no more stress, these all i know, i don't need to go on hearing them again.
I just really need some genuine thoughts and/or ideas right now... please...
thanks in advance...
5 people like this
6 responses
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
4 Jun 07
I'm as confused as winky. Your profile says you're 18, just how long have you been married and trying? Since you were 14? It also says you drink rarely, even one drink isn't so good for someone trying desperately to get pregnant. It also says you smoke, definately a bad thing if you're trying to get pregnant. Since I'm not understanding apparently all I'm going to say is quit smoking, see your doctor, and try to wait until your a little older.
3 people like this
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
5 Jun 07
I am 18, my husband and i will be married one year in august, and we've been trying since i moved in with him which is when i was 15.
i'm so sick of you people coming around with this your only 18 stereotype, you don't know me, you have no idea what i feel, what goes on in my mind, NOR the life i've lived to make me want a child of my own so bad.
as for smoking, don't go on this rant with me, i'm not taking it, i've done enough of my own studies on effects of smoking to make my own decision.
drinking, hmm, one or 2 drinks every 6-8 months is NOT going to hurt my chances of having a child, in fact the doctors say it's good to have a bear a day for the health and weight gain of a growing fetus.
thanks for your uh, input, but i wasn't asking for a stereotypical moment, i was asking for genuine help, and some actual ideas, try learning to follow specific discussion guidelines before you go off on your own little rant eh?
oh, and i'm not waiting for nothing, my husband and i are going to have our children when A)we want and B) nature permits.
1 person likes this
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
7 Jun 07
i have no problem with the questions, i do have a problem being judged.
i don't smoke much, and if and when i decide to quit, go me.
as for drinking, hey i totally get you and i totally agree, any woman who drinks during pregnancy unless the doctor specifies is kinda sick in the head if she knows she's pregnant.
@winky73 (1404)
• United States
4 Jun 07
On your profile it says that you are 18 and you have been trying for years to have a baby with your husband?????
I'm 34 and I did try for a long time...almost 10 years to have a baby and I still don't have any kids of my own.
Come on now Honey.....if you really are only 18 you do not need to rush on having a baby....just take your time..okay!?
2 people like this
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
5 Jun 07
no not okay, you don't have any idea who i am, or anything about me, stop with this stereotypical your only 18 crap.
Yes, i'm 18, i want a child, have been having trouble getting pregnant for some time now, i'm going to have my babies, that's all i want out of my life, and i'm sick of people telling me that i'm only 18, i have sooo much time left blah blah blah.
1 person likes this
@winky73 (1404)
• United States
6 Jun 07
Sounds like I hit a nerve there....but I was just telling you what I think and looks like I'm not the only one that feels like that.I know the truth hurts....but it's still the truth and if you don't want others to tell you what they think....than maybe you should not ask in the first place.
You are absolutely right I do not know you....but you don't know me either or the things I went through to make me the person I am today.
I can't get pregnant for medical reasons......so if you both have been checked out by a doctor and they found nothing that will keep you from getting pregnant.....than your hostility and anger maybe the only thing keeping you from getting pregnant....ever thought about that?
I left those feelings behind me....because they were eating me up inside.Yes I would still like to have a child....but I'm not letting it ruin my life if it never happens....because my selfworth is not measured by how many children I can or can not have.
1 person likes this
@winky73 (1404)
• United States
7 Jun 07
I've read some of your responses and I want you to understand that I do know what you are dealing with and I had the same concerns about fertility treatment.
One alternative you may consider is acupuncture....it seems to work for a lot of people and it would not hurt a baby at all.The other one is clearpassage massage....here is the link to that one so you can read more about it http://www.clearpassage.com/.
1 person likes this
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
4 Jun 07
Awww I feel your pain sweety. I know when I was trying to get pregnant with my second child and was having such a hard time I talked to my doctor and he put me on some fertility pills (low dosage) and within 6 months I was pregnant, perhaps you just need a boost, my son is now 26 years old so that was 27 years ago I did that and he turned out just fine, in fact he is a strapping healthly man that stands 6.3 inches tall, I had no complications or problems with him whatsoever and that was years ago, I am sure they have made wonderful advances since then to help you out, you just need to ask for the help before it can come to you. I wish you the best.
2 people like this
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
5 Jun 07
the doctor offered me these ones and i asked him about the side effects, there were so many and it just scared the heck out of me with the possibility of harming my future child...
i talked to my mom last night...
in tears and everything..
she actually talked to me though...
she went through the same tough road i'm on, it took extreme doses of birth control pills to get her pregnant with me...
i think i might talk to my doctor about that too, but it's just worrysome because i don't want to chance hurting it....
1 person likes this
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
7 Jun 07
thanks hun, that actually does ease my mind a tad... i guess i just get so wrapped up in what could happen that i hold off from thinking of all the good that could come of it and all the bad that has a small chance.
@maildumpster (3815)
• United States
7 Jun 07
I have three children and would love another but we just can't do so. I know that ache though. I feel it all the time. I look at my toddler and start crying cause I don't have a baby anymore and there won't be more coming.
My cousin went thru a lot to get pregnant including invitro and lost two babies. They stopped trying and now she has a 7 month old and I was just told by my mom that she is pregnant again.
I honestly can't tell you how many people I personally know that went through so much and finally got pregnant when they stopped trying. I even know a few that adopted before they got pregnant.
Stress can really reek havoc on a woman's body and this is very stressful for you. Please do try to relax and just enjoy each other. Take some of the stress off both of you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
16 Jun 07
I'm sorry i didn't reply sooner, it has nothing to do with your response but how hecktick things can get around here at times, just got really busy and didn't take the time to get back here to mylot much.
so i do apologize, i didn't intend to hurt you at all.
I do know stress takes a toll on that, and i'm doing my best to release that stress, my hubby and i this week have been spending a lot more time with eachother, enjoying eachother and relaxing, something that's been missing.
We do want a child more than anything, but we want to try for at least a little while longer before we throw the towel in on our hopes to have one of our own blood and genes before we go to something like adoption.
but it's not ruled out.
thanks for the response, i do appreciate it.
and once again, sorry...
1 person likes this
@maildumpster (3815)
• United States
19 Jun 07
YOU'RE sorry??? IT should be ME that is sorry. I saw you skipping past me and just took it personal. I should not have done that.
I don't blame you for wanting to have your own flesh and blood!! Don't worry so much about it though. I have no doubt that you will be parents!
Again try to relax. I know it isn't easy. Well heck; my hubby and I actually tried for a third for over a year. No luck. Then a few years down the line when we are not trying and being somewhat careful(obviously we could have been more careful LOL) BANG I get pregnant with my son. He is now three.
You do know the best part of 'trying' to get pregnant? The fun you get to have 'trying'!! S*x shouldn't be stressful. Don't look at it as only for producing babies. Enjoy it again; like me and my hubby were when my son was conceived. He was my birthday present LOL
@princeworthy (1909)
• United States
4 Jun 07
Hi hon! I don't have any ideas for you that I am sure you haven't already tried. If you are like me (and it sounds like you are) you have tried everything under the moon, including laying there looking silly with your legs in the air. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for 11 years. We got pregnant in 2003 only to lose it a month later. I have not been pregnant since. It breaks my heart each and everytime I hear about someone I know getting pregnant especially when it wasn't planned or isn't really wanted. I don't understand how they get pregnant so easily but I can't seeem to. It is very frustrating! I just wanted to let you know that I am here with you... having the same problem. I guess we just have to hang in there and wait our turn...
2 people like this
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
5 Jun 07
I'm thinking about trying some Chinese herbs that are supposed to heighten fertility.
for both men and women...
this is the hardest thing i swear i've ever had to go through and it breaks my heart just as it does yours to see these parents getting lucky with something they don't really want...
i miscarried in 2004.... march 11th..
ever wanna talk lemme know...
1 person likes this
@piapromina (8)
• India
5 Jun 07
try acupuncture, that is natural too and Chinese.
1 person likes this
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
13 Jun 07
Oh, I missed that you had written this. I had a lot of trouble getting pregnant as well but never had any testing done to find out why. I lost one along the way, and suspect I lost at least another very early into the pregnancy. It took an awful lot of effort to get pregnant, and have the pregnancy stick, especially with the last one. There was nothing special I did, but I think looking back, I was often under a lot of stress and I was under weight. Changing both of those may have been the deciding factor. I don't know whatyou can do, I just wanted to say I know what you are going through and I wish you all the best of luck in the world.
