How to handle this situation? Part 2
June 6, 2007 12:29am CST
Please friend; i badly need some advice from your part!!! i had a discussion i think about 2 days ago and i got lots of sincere responses. I had to start a second discussion on that since i am feeling that i need some more of your prescious advice!!! If ever you have already read my first discussion thats very good but still i will paste a link of my first discussion so that you can help me http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1122712.aspx?p=1 Now the situation is such that i feel completely lost!!! My SIl has already phoned my MIL and i dont really know what she told her since my MIL didnt told me clearly whether my SIL called her! The way my MIL was conversing with me makes me feel that she knows that something is wrong! I am afraid that she said negative things about my husband and I and this may great a rift between my MIL and I... I really dont know what to do and i am completely lost in all this, my husband as well! I really dont have any idea what is the next step that i should take! Should i call my MIL and tell her the whole story or should i wait and watch... Please i badly need some advice. I am thinking of picking up some proof against my SIL and when my MIL and FIL is back from holidays then i have some arguments and proof that can prove my husband and I right. And also in about 2 or 3 months; i think of moving to an appartment!
• United States
6 Jun 07
Well, I wouldn't have a conversation over the phone about what happened unless it will be a long time before they return home. I definitely think getting an apartment of your own is a good idea. That may be what you should start your conversation with your mother in law with. Tell her that you love everyone and feel that all of you living together is having a negative impact on the relationships in the family. You never wanted to have bad relationships or hurt anyone's feelings or make anyone angry, and say you think you and your husband should move out so that the family can still salvage what is left of the relationships you have. I would apologize for anything that you may have said or done that has caused any hurt feelings, and stay humble about it. You won't get anywhere if you keep pointing fingers the whole time, and saying bad things. Even if you haven't done anything to be rude or mean, if you start the he said this and she said that, everything will just get worse. I would just start trying to wave the peace flag now before it gets any worse. If you have to apologize for the situation and no one else steps up to accept blame, then so be it. You need to be the adult if no one else will. Besides if there are children living in the house, it can't be good for them to be living in a war zone. In the future, when your niece is doing something like running in the house, you should let the parents know, and you should not scold her. It is over the line, and if it were your daughter you would take it personal if you did not like the tone of voice spoken whether she was doing something wrong or not. You have to be careful when you scold someone's child. It is like animal instinct. If a momma bear saw someone going after her baby bear, she would protect the baby even if the baby were wrong. I hope that your family gets past this. It is hard to have that many families under one roof. You are bound to have arguements and disagreements, but you have to learn how to argue without it turning into a war and learn how to disagree without causing so much conflict and fighting. Compromises and apologies are the best way to get through many arguments and fights. You just have to stop trying to be right eventually, and try to figure out how to be the peacemaker.
6 Jun 07
Actually i would like to thank you for your sincere response! The problem is that my husband has scolded the child since we told that child and even the parents i think more than a 100 times... and we even told them in different ways just to make them aware that in a house where more than 1 family is living; there should be come adjustment on both sides and also some compromise! But my sistre-in-law and brother-in-law have not taken action... The problem is that my husband was abroad and when we got married we settled here! And i am sure they dont like it we are around and they make my husband and i feel like total strangers... and just to point out that this house is mine as well! One last thing is that those people are the quarelsome type and in the past we already had some misunderstanding and i even tried to clear it out by accepting the blame but this type it is a little bit too much...