Do you write entire responses and then change your mind?

By Leca
@lecanis (16664)
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
June 6, 2007 7:48pm CST
This happens to me a lot. I'll see a discussion I want to respond to, and start writing my response. I'll get the whole thing written, move my mouse to "submit"... and delete the whole thing instead. Sometimes it's not wanting to start a fight, or feeling I can't properly discuss the topic at hand because I'm not really informed enough. But sometimes I think it's just shyness getting me. I just don't always feel that what I am saying is worthwhile. On the other hand, often after writing my reply I decide the discussion I'm responding to really isn't worth my participation. So I must be a shy elitist? What about you? Does anyone else out there find themselves doing this?
8 people like this
35 responses
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
7 Jun 07
I can relate to that, lecanis! rather it's typically me:-) I try to make my response relevant, helpful and to the point so I have a habit of rereading my response as well as original post, before I submit, to see if I have maintained relevance. Some times after rereading OP, I find that my response has gone astray, so I'll delete to start over again. Some times it happens even before I reread OP i.e. after rereading my own response and finding it confusing, incomprehensible or too difficult, to understand or grasp, to be of any use for readers. Some times after rereading I find that it is too heavy on just one aspect than on the whole point, thus loosing gravity and meaningfulness or balance. I'll delete and abort If I can't balance it or I'll keep but with heavy editing to make it balanced. Many a time, I wanted to admonish people for their negativity, malice, disrespect and name calling. I would write a long comment but will abort later, feeling that it may create even more verbal violence, hence loosing purpose. Out of many of these times I only actually posted my comment just 2 or 3 times. Sometimes it's because, just like you, I don't think a discussion is worth my participation. Some times, while typing, I get bored in between:-) So I delete and will not actually respond. Most of the time though, I may not delete the whole response/comment but I do such a heavy editing that it can actually be considered deleted because after editing it is much different than the original response. I change many words and phrases. I am not always confident about my use of a word. Though I consult dictionary very often but still sometimes common meaning/connotation of a word as perceived by native speakers is much different than dictionary definition. e.g there is a noun and a verb in French, "baiser", which linguistically mean "kiss" or "to kiss" but it's common/regular/popular meaning is very vulgar and I got myself embarrassed over it when I was learning French. I believe and know that there are such words in Eglish too. I never would like to offend any body. So I always try to change my words to most proper ones and often end up doing it with many words and phrases. I just realized that it is one of the reasons I read other's discussions too much, to know how other people use words in their discussions. Funny part...5 or 6 times this deletion part was done by mylot for me:-) earlier I was in a habit of selecting a word and dragging it to other place while editing my response after writing. It was possible even if one havn't had reached 500 mark. one day a person posted about this facility and mylot restricted this one too. But out of my habit, I still some time do it unintentionally and to my utter frustration, the whole response get deleted. but It gives me a good laugh afterward when I think about it. Sorry for being too long again, but I can't help my habit of explaining my point :-)
3 people like this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
First, I just want to say that I really enjoy your long responses, so don't worry about that! I can sympathize with your worry over whether or not your response is relevant. I think much faster than I write sometimes, and I will have moved from one topic to another in the space of one response, and realize that I'm not longer really on topic at all before I post it. If it's a response to a friend's discussion that I think may enjoy my tangent, I will leave it there, but otherwise it has to go! I too often feel the urge to berate other users for bad behavior, and start to but then realize that it's only going to make things worse. There is so much drama on mylot already, and I simply don't understand why a lot of the time. I know that some very controversial issues get discussed here and people have a lot of strongly held opinions, but I always think that surely if I can be polite others should be able to as well. It's frustrating to realize that there isn't any way to help most of the time in these situations. You make a very good point about the struggle that non-native English speakers have here. It's always amazing to me how well many people from other countries write in English, knowing that all of the other languages I have studied are still nearly completely mysteries to me. For me if I delete something accidentally it is because my 1-year-old son is sitting on my lap, and he sometimes bashes the keyboard when he gets excited. I have learned to "take turns" typing with him, by writing a response or two and then letting him type in a notepad for a bit, just so he'll be happy and not get bored of sitting at the computer with me.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
7 Jun 07
You are very kind, lecanis! Now I'll be more confident writing long responses to your discussions:-) I agree that disagreement is one thing and being disrespectful and impolite is another. We can always disagree with politeness and I like it about you. I also agree that it's really frustrating that we can't do much in hostile situations, how to get a person listen and ask them to be polite and reasonable when s/he is already not implying reason! About english, I just try that no body feel offended by me just because I used a wrong word in wrong place or even because I didn't know the connotation. Children can be very funny, I believe that you enjoy his typing:-) When my wife and I are chatting and my 4 month old son is in her lap, he would like to talk to his father:-) he jumps to keyboard to "express" himself and we both enjoy that. If her mother tries to keep his hands back, he looks at her as if she is being rude, LOL. Ultimately she has to give in to his urge for typing:-)
3 people like this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
6 Jul 07
Thanks for the best response, lecanis!:-)
3 people like this
• Singapore
7 Jun 07
Very rarely, though I did change my mind sometimes when responding to sensitive topics or people. Usually, I will just dump my thoughts then let go (lol). It's only 2 cents and most topics are of very impersonal nature that requires a more "technical" than human answer. So I don't really bother that much. And what's this talk about being elitist? The money you have been counting got into your brain? :P
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
Replying to sensitive topics or people seems to be about all I do some days. =p You seem to be pretty good at dumping your thoughts in ways that make sense to others, from what I've seen! Only 2 cents? You're kidding, right? Every time I've gone through and tried to figured it out, I came out with more than 2 cents! Of course maybe that's just because I'm so awesome! I am elitist though! I reject all kinds of discussions every day because they're too dumb for me to waste my time on. That's why I post so little. *giggles* Then again, maybe you're right and it is the money I count all day in my brain. =p
1 person likes this
• Singapore
7 Jun 07
Fine, you are awesome. I get only 1 cent most times. It's alright. I am used to it. Everyone believes me. Everyone, everything. *sniff*
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
Oh, shush, you're like the most popular person on mylot. Every single discussion you make gets more replies than my best ones do. =p Besides, I think you're awesome!!
@forisuru (217)
• Sri Lanka
7 Jun 07
Dear Friend, As far as i believe you don't have the confidence to tell your ideas to others. you fear that ur idea will look like a mess to others. Don't think like that. BE Confident about ur self. Thanks
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
It is sometimes lack of confidence that affects my behavior, but not always. Sometimes it's just that I didn't put enough thought into what I was writing the first time and want to fix it. Other times it's more that I don't want to waste my time with some sort of cyberwar, and know that my original response would have had that effect. I try very hard to find ways to get across my point without being offensive. Many of my favorite topics are controversial, and if I were to come across as rude it would actually reinforce other people's preconceived negative opinions of the viewpoint I am putting out there. That's why I often rewrite things to be more thoughtful and less offensive.
@forisuru (217)
• Sri Lanka
7 Jun 07
Dear Friend, Thanks for ur explanation. I think you are good friend with good heart. Thanks
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
7 Jun 07
I'd done this as well for various reasons. Some times because I think it's worded wrong and might not be very clear so I'll just redo it. Then there are the times when I read through it and think the wording is such that it could cause a fight even though that is not what I intend (yes there are times I have meant to start one :)). Then like you there are some I'll write it out and it just doesn't really seem to be adding to the discussion or that it really doesn't do justice to what I can write. So you are not alone at all and judging from the responses we are in some good company :)
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
*giggles* Sometimes starting a fight is a good thing. =p We do seem to be in some really good company, don't we? I'm glad to see you here as well, as I really respect you and think you're an excellent writer! =)
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
7 Jun 07
Aww thank you!! That means a lot to me considering what a great writer you are. Thank you very much for that.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
Lecanis, I do it all of the time. Mostly from me I am afraid what I have written sounds crass and argumentative. I know you have seen first hand the holes I can dig for myself. So I will delete the whole thing and try to rethink what I am writing, most of the time I can not say it in a better way so I have to leave it alone. There are a few things that catch my eye, and my hands start flying over the keyboard, and I hit that submit when I should have deleted but alas I did not and the battle begins.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
You, dig holes? Never! *giggles* I've had a few of those myself, Angelwhispers, when I look back later and say "I really just shouldn't have said this in the first place." =p I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who does silly things like this! I'm sure I would have a lot more money made on mylot if I actually posted all those responses, but equally sure that I would have less friends!
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
LMAO how true how true :))) LMAO
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• India
7 Jun 07
Yeah, it has happened to me on more than a couple occasions and for the exact reasons that you have described. A topic on religion had seemed to go awry with people indulging in slugfests, and I really felt bad about it and typed away a huge post, only to delete it as I felt that it would add fuel to the fire. Sometimes, the best thing that one can do to a discussion gone awry is just to allow it to die down. By posting a reply, we inadvertently give it a second life, as it again starts showing up on the recent discussions tab. Ignoring such discussions would mean that they just get buried under other discussions. Let sleeping dogs lie, huh? Whatsay?
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
Ah, yes, the religion slugfests. I love talking about religion, but there are so many of those slugfests! (I love that word by the way.) I think you have a really good point here, thank you! Sometimes letting sleeping dogs lie is really the best way.
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
Yes I do all the time, and most of the time I gauge what the reaction of the other people will be. I do this all the time because I do not want to effend anyone. I try to be as diplomatic as I could because I don't want to get into a serious online scuffle over something that I would normally would ignore in real life.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
*nods* It is very easy to get into those scuffles, isn't it? That's a part of why I do this too, in order to be diplomatic and think about what effects my response will cause.
@Asimk12 (740)
• Pakistan
7 Jun 07
itz nothing.all the people here just working for money.it does not matter that any response change and make mind.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
I disagree that all the people are here just for the money. I have a lot of good friends here that actually talk to each other a lot via comments and things without worrying about how much money they get for doing so. The money I make here is my giving-to-charity money, so I am pretty attached to it, but I would talk on this forum even if I weren't getting paid because of the friends I have here.
@Tanya8 (1734)
• Canada
7 Jun 07
Yes, I do it all the time now for the same reasons as you do. I didn't care that much when I first started on mylot, because I felt so anonymous here, but now that I know a few people here, I feel less comfortable spouting off whatever comes into my head. I'm a regular on another board that has an edit feature, and I've gotten used to being able to delete ill-conceived responses or fix typos after hitting "post". I hate seeing some of my old, careless posts at mylot come to the front again.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
*nods* It does actually get harder once you get to know people, because you actually care what those people think. I feel the same way! I do really wish we could edit here too, because of typos. I really hate it when I'm writing about something serious or intellectual and mess it up. =p
• United States
7 Jun 07
I just joined this site so I havent done it here yet but there are times on other message boards where i've done exactly that. It do totally annoy myself when I do that. I need to learn to just say what I think.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
Hi! Welcome to mylot, and thanks for responding to my discussion! Apparently we aren't the only ones who don't always say what we think, considering the replies I've gotten here! =p
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
this also happens to me, same with the discussions that i want to start. there are times when i type words coming from my mind without understanding it. then when i try to re-read it, i find it as nonsense or out of the topic so i just delete it. there are times also when i feel that my response is offensive to the thread starter. so i'd end up going back to previous page and not replying to the thread anymore.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
Those are often my reasons as well! Thanks for sharing.
• United States
7 Jun 07
I did that a couple of times, well I didn't delete the whole thing just parts. Anyway, I no longer do it b/c I realized all the time it was costing me to take out and put in. So, I just go with my original response in order to not end up wasting valuable time.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
It's interesting to hear how differently people prioritize things! Thanks so much for sharing!
• India
7 Jun 07
well i respond only to the selected discussions which i find to be really worth participation... but i make up my mind very fast wat i am going to write... n i have never deleted the whole post after just completing it n later realise that i dont require to post it... i just type out my feelings n just submit it... well i dont think u shud put so much stress on urself just to submit the posts at discussions... u c we r all frenz n we are just sharing our view on a topic here... so we appreciate all our fenz' posts n we never overlook any post... so plz dont feel that no one cares bout ur views...cheer up n dont be shy...Goodluck!!
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
Thanks for your response! Thanks for your encouragement as well. =)
@tina12679 (1126)
• United States
7 Jun 07
i have also done this, but i think my problem is that i dont like how i have stated the comment and i cant find the words that i really want to use, so i fear that it might so dumb to someone. I have though not done this as much recently as i did when i first came to mylot. If i have taken the time to comment on something wether i think it sounds good or not i go ahead and post it most times lol. what i think sounds dunb to me may not to someone else lol but yeah i have definitly have done that and then you think of the time you just wasted responding only to delete.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Jun 07
*nods* It is a huge time-waster for me, which is why I have been on mylot since January and have fewer posts than many people who joined after me! I worry about sounding dumb sometimes as well. However, I've found that sometimes if I post those things anyway, someone will come along and tell me how much they liked my post. So I must be doing better than I think, as I'm sure are you.
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
8 Jun 07
i seldom do this... i usually just change some parts of my wording to the discussion that I wanted to respond to... but i hardly delete the whole thing... before i type my respond, i usually read the post very carefully first and decide whether i want to respond to it or not... if i decided to respond to it, then i will start typing and i won't delete it again... if not, then i won't reply at all... :-)
1 person likes this
@vijigopi (991)
• United States
7 Jun 07
Oh yeah... writing something and then deleting the whole thing after going through it thinking it is not good is one thing. But planning every word of your response and then when it reaches for about a page accidentally deleting it is another thing!! The latter has happened to me umpteen times and not being able to have enough patience to retype the whole thing, I have just given a short response and backed over, thinking maybe this is how God wanted me to end it(That makes it look better though)!! It is funny when I think of it now but it actually makes me look like the idiot when it happens. And the worst problem is I cannot type it in a word document and then copy/paste it if I had a problem because I still haven't done my first 100 posts!! I sincerely don't understand what the number of posts has to do with copy/paste something. Grrrr.
1 person likes this
@lillake (1634)
• United States
7 Jun 07
I do that all the time. Write out long responces then decide I don't want to make someone mad or I'm not totally sure on what I'm saying and don't want to look stupid if I'm wrong.
1 person likes this
@stacyv81 (5904)
• United States
7 Jun 07
yes, I have done this plenty of times, then I laugh at myself. Sometimes, I even change my mind and want to say the opposite of what I said in the first place.=)
1 person likes this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
7 Jun 07
I have never deleted an answer on purpose. I have changed it somewhat or added new ideas. I am not too worried about offending someone, because that is never my intention. Once in a while, my answers will not say anything new and like you several topics are foreign territory to me, such as I don't have much of a clue. But I do not think you are any shier than me.
1 person likes this
@easy888 (10405)
• Australia
7 Jun 07
Hello,lecanis,it happens to me occassionally,when i am replying to the discussions,i will always try to type something constructive,sometimes,after i finished typing the whole response,i find out that my reply is not good enough and i will delete the whole thing and reconstruct it again before i submit to it.