Divorced after 35 years of marriage ...

@ladyluna (7004)
United States
June 14, 2007 7:01am CST
Good morning All, This is pretty sad. But, you can put your hankie away, 'cause it has a happy ending. I have a friend who is in his early seventies. He and his wife were married for 35years. Then poof, out of the blue, they announced that they were getting a divorce. They were an integral part of each other's lives for three and a half decades. Suddenly, at the age of 71 he found himself alone. I'll also add that there was no abuse. Neither is alcoholic, or an addict. Neither is an abuser. Both are very reasonable, respectful people. Even though he is in excellent health, very spry indeed. He works out three times per week, is very active in the community, heck ... he even still rides his horse several times per week, and does equine Search & Rescue. Even so, I was very worried about how he would adjust to living alone. This got me wondering ... Do we have a reasonable expectation that our life partner will grow old with us? After committing half a lifetime to a marriage, aren't both partners deserving of some kind of peace of mind that their spouse will be there through thick & thin? I find his situation unfathomable. It's not like they didn't really know each other. They had many separate activities, yet seemed to meld their individual hobbies & friends quite well. The ex-wife is 10 years his junior. She moved away to New York City, and last I heard was very happy with her new life. He stayed here, and just a few months after the divorce, decided to call a widow friend, who he's known for many years. He and the widow have become very close, and seem happy together over this last year. The widow friend is much closer to his own age, and seems to really value their relationship. Yet, I'm left a little bewildered ... imagine having to re-enter the dating scene after nearly four decades. What are your thoughts about this?
4 people like this
3 responses
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
15 Jun 07
I am having difficulty reentering the dating scene in my 50's. I can't imagine being in my 70's and trying to get a date...lol. Then again, I can't imagine being married for 35 years and then splitting up with my partner. But, you have to hand it to the couple for calling it quits and then finding fulfillment ouside of marriage. The deal with the horses sounds interesting. That would keep anyone active. I can only hope I am better off in my 70's than I am now. Who knows, I may not find my true love until I am 91, then live to be 101 and have a ten year relationship. That would be my longest relationship in my life...lol.
3 people like this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
15 Jun 07
Hi Sigma, Thanks for stopping by. Yeah, it is pretty hard to imagine scoping out the chicks or dudes in one's 70's. (chuckle, chuckle) Although, I will add that his widow-friend is a very beautiful woman, even in her 70s. She keeps herself fit with Flamengo & Ballroom dancing. I don't want this to sound dark, or crass, but I don't really think that he's found true fulfillment after his marriage. He and the widow friend seem to really enjoy each other. However, I believe that if the choice were his, that he would turn back the clock, to the point where the divorce never happened. He is not one to do well alone. Granted, he loves his freedom, but not his independence. His ex-wife was his first, and true love. And, although finding a second love is certainly possible, in his case, his personality grew around being her husband, the father of their children, and grandfather of their grand-kids. That is who he was, and now he's having to construct a new con-struct of his identity. That's difficult when one is 30, let alone 70+. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you find your true love sooner, rather than later. Hey, whatever happened to Esmerelda?
3 people like this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
15 Jun 07
The time is not right for me to move forward with any relationships. It is not fair of me to pretend that I am ready, so I do not know what has become of Esmeralda. I hope she is fine. I have too many fianacial loose ends right now and no woman would have me as I am. I don't mean to be negative, but unless one has financial stability and a stable of new vehicles, the women will assuredly look the other way. They all say that the person matters more than what they have. When it gets down to the truth, that isn't how they really seem to feel. At least that is my report from the trenches. I suppose so many women have been burned in the past that a guy in my situation is too much for a woman to take a chance on. Can't really blame them. I certainly don't want to take advantage of them, but unless you have proof of financial resources, they will reject you every time. So, until I make my first million, I have sworn off the dating sites...lol.
3 people like this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
15 Jun 07
Sounds like you're taking some needed time to get your life in order, Sigma. I do hope that you find a brighter horizon just around the bend. It's difficult to commit the time and energy to a new relationship, when life is in flux.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jun 07
35 years of marriage and they divorce that to me is unbelievable only because they have gone through all the major things of marriage. If they were going to divorce I would have thought it would happen a long time ago not now. But since this is life nothing is a sure thing. I am sure they had their reasons for divorcing. But I also would think it would be hard for a 71 year old man to start dating again. Figure also a lot of things have changed since he had been dating. Nothing is for sure in life.
2 people like this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
15 Jun 07
You're right Sunshinelady. There are no guarantees in this crazy game we call life. What a great point you make about things having changed since he was last in the dating scene!
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 Jun 07
It's hard to say. It would be a shame if there was no good reason, but maybe there was a reason that the couple just didn't bother to share with the rest of the world. Where is it written that other people must know every little detail? Who knows?
1 person likes this
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Good point about private issues being private! I'm sure that you're correct that they didn't feel the need to share their inner lives with the rest of the world. Thanks for sharing!