Men needing time alone

United States
June 16, 2007 12:42pm CST
is this normal, recently I was talking to a friend and he told me that a couple years ago he felt that he didn't want to be married anymore and needed time alone. After several months of fighting and talking his feeling changed or he worked it out or something. I have heard this from several younger married men I know and I don't understand. They don't seem to have a reason or anything, these aren't the kind of guys who are cheating or anything they just get an unexplainable urge to leave that usually goes away after awhile. Anyone else have experience with this?
3 people like this
15 responses
• United States
17 Jun 07
Well as a guy I can somewhat relate. I wouldn't really say its something to leave over but men need their space just like women. I've seen that in relationships where couples spend every moment with eachother that that tends to happen the most. For me I'm lucky, I am allowed to have my space and my quite time when I just want to be alone or do things by myself. A lot of it has to do with how a couple communicates. If you can't be open with your partner then things like this are bound to happen.
1 person likes this
@bowtieguy (5927)
• United States
4 Sep 07
I guess if you were in a couple that fought a lot, it would be nice to get out every once in a while.
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
17 Jun 07
Everyone needs time alone and in a healthy marriage, husbands and wives give each other space. When a man (or a woman for that matter) says they need time alone and they no longer want to be married, then there are probably other reasons like the need to be with other people. Maybe your friend just stated that as a reason because the real reason was just too unacceptable, for others and for himself as well.
@nejnej (148)
• United States
17 Jun 07
yeah i myself wonder that too. my guy walks out of me all the time, it seems he just wants to be alone and he would not contact me for months. i hate him that way.
@student7 (1002)
• United States
17 Jun 07
Well I know that I give my husband his space when I sense he needs it. I don't like hoveering over him like a child. I also give him his freedom. He is free to go where he pleases, within reason, but on the same hand, he lets me know where he is going. It sounds like your friend was on a short lease and wasn't able to get out and just think things through like a lot of people need.
@bcl_me (583)
• Philippines
17 Jun 07
That is just normal me too I need to go away fo while to give myself enough breathing room and have some fresh aer so I need to go somewhere where nobody knows me and spend some there until everything else is clear to me and I no longer under stress and under pressure...it will really help me arrive at better decisions and on the way...I meet new people and I am slowly broadening my knowledge of the my environment.
@meljessxena (2317)
• Australia
17 Jun 07
i have felt like needed time alone, but i havent been married before, but fighting with my partner and friends and i just wanted to be me. so its not just males but think it is females as well, but i guess it has been normal
@brenokun (46)
• Brazil
16 Jun 07
i´m not married but a think everyone need some time alone somedays. it is not necessary to not be marry anymore, only go outside and take some time only for you, forgetting all you problems =D
@tmlnmr (1850)
• Canada
16 Jun 07
My friend's husband went through a 'need time alone' incident at the end of last year.He left her between Christmas and her birthday (New Year's Eve)without being able to discuss his reasons with her before the 'departure' from their life. They are in a better place now, and he has helped her understand in their discussions. Basically he was overwhelmed with health and financial problems he could not even admit to himself..so he 'ran away.' His time on the street without anyone or anything helped him assess what was and was not working in his life. Evidently,the 'busy-ness' of their life was too overwhelming. That in combination with his health problems tipped the balance. His time alone helped him to made different choices and get in touch with what he needed to change. He and his wife are working together in more open dialogue than they ever have about HIS wants and needs. She is a free-lance writer and has been exploring men and their mental health. Maybe the issue of men needing time alone is the outer manifestation of deeper needs not being expressed or met. After all as we women know getting the guys to talk openly about feelings is not something that they are comfortable with...and probably why they work so hard to avoid it. Yah think?
16 Jun 07
I think we all need some time alone. I know I can think more clearly when I'm not being bothered etc, but it's not just men. I know my wife the same, yet she stopped since our son was born. ~Joey
• United States
16 Jun 07
well, I just actually recently experienced this with my boyfriend of two years, and it wasn't the first time he had done it. Guys are just weird like that. They get all scared or feel smothered and rather than talking about it with their partners and telling them that they need a bit more space for themselves, they break up with them completely and push them away. It's in their nature I guess. They don't think emotionally like us girls do. They think more with their brains which causes them to freak out a bit..get used to it.
@mike2003 (287)
• Philippines
16 Jun 07
I think it's normal.....You will mostly hear this from women that they need time with friends or family even just for a few days.. I think men do to....Just sometime to be alone, to go fishing or indulge in whatever hobbies they have.....
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
16 Jun 07
I can relate to that feeling. I would not feel like the person was being selfish, but if children are involved, it is selfish. When I feel that way it is because I would like a less complicated life with more freedom from the rules and obligations of being married. I would like to put myself first and take a shower when I need one and not after everyone else is "set" and happy. I feel like I have to sacrifice my own comfort everyday and put my longtime boyfriend (10 yrs) first all the time. He puts himself first all the time and can't figure out why I need some me time, or why I would think the grass looks greener on the other side." If I could be treated as good as I treat him, I would be in hog heaven. I am at the point where I think life would be better if I had some time alone, without him in my life. I think I can relate to that feeling, and everyone has a different reason for feeling that way. I would be grateful if my man came to me wanting alone time for himself. I almost love it when we argue because then I can stay away from him and focus on myself. I never rush to make up with him anymore. It is like having someone babysitting a toddler for me, I am getting a break. That is just sad, I never realized it until I wrote this out.
@shoelover (896)
• Australia
16 Jun 07
My hubby often needs time out. When he feels like this he goes into his study and closes the door. Nobody is allowed to annoy him. When he does come out he looks so much more relaxed. Luckily he doesn't feel the need to move out or anything when he feels like this. He says he just wants peace and quiet for a bit, a bit of him time. This is hard to find in a household with 2 teenagers and 2 adults. We are a noisy bunch :).
• Philippines
16 Jun 07
actually, this feeling goes for some married women, too. if only the children had not come, i believe that there will be more married women who have done this thing. this is the problem with people who marries early in life. it is always better that couples will wait for their 30's up before getting into marriage. they usually find themselves unhappy and unnecessarily tangled up when problems arise. it seems the responsibilities have come so early in life when the children start coming in.