Can babies cost you a relationship?
By laydlexius
@laydlexius (133)
United States
June 16, 2007 5:54pm CST
My ex-fiance was with me and my first 2 children for a while before we had our son. He left me for another girl when I was 6mth pregnant with our little girl, who is now 3mth. I feel like at times he just wanted to be free and no attachments. I am still wondering till this day what happened. He doesn't come to see the children or help at all. I am confused could it be the children? I had 2 before we got together. It was a pretty rocky road with our son, but we managed. I hear that he said he felt like a babysitter while I worked and he didn't have a job. I dunno. I did all that was possible but he always directed his comment towards the kids. They weren't disrespectful and he didnt have to change any diapers except his own sons because my oldest boys were out of diapers. I was in a prior relationship with my oldest 2 and the guy would say my babies made too much noise and that's why he was tired at his job. He was honest later when he realized I was a good girl and apologized because it was petty for him to blame babies for doing what they do. I just wonder it could just be an escape but if they don't kids, why have them in the first place? Let me know what you think........
1 person likes this
9 responses
@loopylou2406 (382)
•
17 Jun 07
if he has not contacted the kids or you, that is heartless, i mean after a while he should have felt bad any person would call to see how they are, sounds like he has had enough time, but i sure he must be feeling low, well if he aint he is as heartless as they come.
and you are still going still strong, concentrate on your kids they are your priorities, be strong for them and 4 you, and show them woman can be strong even when alone!!
@laydlexius (133)
• United States
17 Jun 07
Well I can tell you that he doesn't contact us anymore because he told me the next time he says he misses us, take it as a joke so how about that for heartless. He is with another girl and she is supposed to be pregnant so he added 2 to my 2 now i have 4 and he will have one more to not take care of. The awsome thing is he wondered how i took care of them since he left me, and still taking care of them.
@laydlexius (133)
• United States
17 Jun 07
Well I can tell you that he doesn't contact us anymore because he told me the next time he says he misses us, take it as a joke so how about that for heartless. He is with another girl and she is supposed to be pregnant so he added 2 to my 2 now i have 4 and he will have one more to not take care of. The awsome thing is he wondered how i took care of them since he left me, and still taking care of them.
@liana_pescarus (1168)
•
16 Jun 07
i think he is lame and pittyful. i mean, he did not have a job, you did... that made him feel you were wearing the pants in the relationship... and i think that was the main reason he left, not the kids. he didn't feel the most powerfull, the most important... i hate men like that. and to leave you when you were pregnant? and use the kids as a pittyfull excuse??? he deserves nothing from you. not even a thought.
all the best!
@laydlexius (133)
• United States
17 Jun 07
I took pride in the work I did. He worked before we moved here but since he couldn't even get up at 4 a.m. for work that is just sad. Well I took care of everything and he did nothing but complain like a woman would. I had 3 babies when he left and now I have his first little girl and I was really hurt by it. I pray that I have the strength to make sure they have all that they need.
1 person likes this
@rainyl (671)
• United States
17 Jun 07
Children come first regardless.. A man or Lady can come after the children are grown.
It is not easy having a relationship when you have a family already and that is when you set guidleines before it even goes to a steady relationship and the person does not need to move in with you unless he or she is paying half the bills.
It would be nice to see it like it used to be when children were loved regardless of who their parents were.
Just keep your head up and do not listen to any man that says that stuff, it is just showing that he is not mature enough to have a mature relationship.
He does not have to see his son to help pay for his sons expenses, child support is always nice and you can get that by going to the DA in your city.
@laydlexius (133)
• United States
17 Jun 07
Well I hate that we had children without finalizing our relationship. It's so hard not being with the father of your child especially when they are boys. There is so much for them to share and do together. I let him know that giving him pampers and shoes do not make him a father. He will need his son and daughter before they need him.
@Gorgeous24 (1091)
• United States
16 Jun 07
Oh he pulled a Kevin Federline on you huh..What a loser! Oh well girl its his loss and he will realize that he let a good thing go but its gonna be too late for that because you will already of found a man who will love you no matter if you have kids or not.
Its sad that alot of men do what he did and dont care of their kids..they do it because THEY CAN..and what I mean by that is they know the mother is gonna take good care of the kid so the men dont have to worry about that, If I was you I would put his sorry a** on child support..dont let him skip out on that too!
You keep doing what your doing and raise those precious kids of yours!
@laydlexius (133)
• United States
17 Jun 07
Yeah well unfortunatly child support down here is sorry as the daddys.LOL! But I handled that as soon as he show signs he didnt care. He does realize it but his pride is beyond this world. I don't even care about him like that anymore but I do want his to take care of his children.
@babostwick (2036)
• United States
16 Jun 07
I don't think it's the children, it's probably the guy himself. He obviously doesn't care one way or the other. I don't think having children is a bad thing. I mean yeah they fuss but it's normal.
It probably would depend on the man directly to be quite honest.
@laydlexius (133)
• United States
17 Jun 07
I think its harder for a guy to be in a relationship when the children are not theirs but the ones that can adapt to the situation are great with the kids. So it really depends on the guy or woman.
@karmene777 (46)
• Australia
17 Jun 07
babies or kids dont cause relationships.
Its losers like ur ex fiance causes relationships. He is selfish for leaving u wit 3 kids and cheating on u? U deserve better than that. The only reason why he left is because he didn't feel manly enough for the fact that it was you who was working and not him. He didn't have the control of the feeling of being man. U sound like a hard working mother, dont worry about your ex just worry about your children for now. They are heaven sent no matter how naughty they can get its up to you to teach them the right way.
@laydlexius (133)
• United States
17 Jun 07
I think he realizes what he has done because he has to live with the guilt everyday and the worst part we only stay around the corner from each other. So I pray God will soften his heart and let him see his babies didn't deserve that.
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
17 Jun 07
Sounds like you've been having a tough time with some guys, from what you've said it doesn't sound to be your fault. I know of many women who have had 2 or 3 children with their husbands/boyfriends and 10 years down the road, their husbands leave. It's really sad, but I think often guys get bored in a relationship and want to try something new, hardly seems fair though. I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, I hope that in the future your luck turns around in that department.
@nangel78 (1454)
• United States
17 Jun 07
It is him. You can do better. If he cannot find time to at least see the children, then he is not a good father. Some men feel they cannot handle all of that responsibility and then have excuses to get out of it. It is a shame. I have seen good men though who are there for the children of the mother and stick with it.
