fidelity

Philippines
June 30, 2007 12:15pm CST
I'd been a husband and separated from my wife because I had a relationship with another girl. Well, in the first place I didn't intend to do so, but by somewhat kind of destiny that I have met this new girl and by now we are living together under one roof. I'd say my marriage with my wife was a mistake because I didn't truly love her in the first place. it's just that I impregnated her that I was thinking of the child so I agreed to marry her...Now, my question is, was I unloyal to my wife before when in fact I do not really love her and I married her only for the sake of our child?
6 responses
• United States
30 Jun 07
Absolutely, you were unloyal. Turn it around. If your wife had by destiny found a man she loved and carried on an affair would you consider that to be unfaithful? Whatever the reason you married your wife, you DID marry her. Which in modern society means to forsake all others. I must say it is a fine example you are setting for your child. You should be ashamed of yourself. How does your wife feel about all of this? Does she say, "Oh, you never really loved me anyhow, so it's OK"? You must have real doubts about whether this is OK or not or you would not have begun this discussion to begin with. I think it might be your conscience talking there. You know this is wrong, or else you would carry on without thought as to how others think.
• Philippines
30 Jun 07
...oh, i forgot to tell that it was twice that she have given me a slap and with words saying that she could lived even without me..that she doesn't need me...this happened before I had an affair..and the caused of the argument was her complaint regarding money..when in fact I gave her all my salary everytime I received it..also, when she found out about my relationship to another girl, I ask her for forgiveness and told her that I didn't intend what I did, and that I was willing to do ammendments for what I have done...but she told me that it was really over for us...and now, whenever we met somewhere incidentally, she acts as 'though she never saw me...also, I would like to add that since she gave birth, we never make love...I don't know, sometimes I'm wondering whether I am the one who loves, or the one who wasn't love...because as for me... I did most things to be a better husband to her...even most of people we knew agreed that I am that good...that they also confused why we end that way..
• United States
30 Jun 07
If you can live with your infidelity, then so be it. and yes regardless of the condition of your marriage, if you were having an affair it was infidelity.The slaps and arguments are not justifiable cause to behave as you did. Maybe ending the marriage, but not being unfaithful to the vows you took with your wife. Sure, your wife said your marriage was over, she was hurt. Anyone who is cheated on feels pain no matter what they might say. Your friend's opinions on whether you were a good husband or not don't matter. You cheated on your wife, no matter how many other wonderful things you did, that does not make for a good husband or father in my book.
30 Jun 07
In answer to your last comment. That's a cop out. If you were so unhappy, then leave! There is never an excuse to sleep with someone else while you are still together. Never.
@moomincat (321)
1 Jul 07
I think we make our own destiny. We cannot blame it for our actions. To say that it wasnt your intention, you are probably in denyal
• Philippines
2 Jul 07
you are absolutely right there...it's stupid for me to make lame excuses for what i have done...i know i was wrong, was sorry about it..but i know i can't do more than that...i am really confused...and i don't know what to do next?
2 Jul 07
You really need to get in your own mind what you want to salvage from the situation. Until you have an objective you are going to be tossed and turned by emotion. If your wife cant forgive your infidelity then that is her right the bond between your personal relationship is severed. Some women cant overcome that.Theres no room for that if you are living with another woman anyway. Your child of course is your top priority, I know in some coutries children can legally divorce their parents but not vis versa. So you need to work out what is the best for the baby and that will no doubt involve your time and commitment.Then of course you do have responsibility to the new lady in your life. She must be very devoted to you when you come with all this baggage. What future can she expect. Ive noticed in my life that when a marriage breaks up it doesnt only effect the couple but the other friends and family involved. A friend of mine divorced and to my knowledge over twenty people were affected by it. When we say I DO its a weighty promise. I hope that you will find peace of mind over it all.
• India
2 Jul 07
that's really bad of you to leave her and in the first palce, you shdn't ve had such a relationship when your not ready to marry her.very bad of you... now where is that child?
• Philippines
2 Jul 07
my daughter's in her care...they live with her family...and i give financial support for my daughter...for now, i am trying hard to get a job abroad for it is the best way i could ensure my daughter's future..i know what i did was wrong and i admit my fault...and i wish i could undone what i did...
30 Jun 07
Of course you were disloyal. You cheated on your wife. It's your own fault if you married her without loving her, not hers. IMO (in my opinion), there is never an excuse for infidelity. I'm going through the same thing, right this minute. My partner of five years has slept over my neighbours house the past two nights and refuses to speak to me. I know what's going on, and tbh (to be honest), I don't care. The only reason being I can switch off. I decided long before I met him that if anyone ever cheated they would never get another chance. Now that he has, I feel nothing for him. Unfortunately, not all women can do this. We have two children who have been asking where daddy is all day. That is what your child will be doing because of you.
2 Jul 07
Why dont you bundle up his dirty laundry and belongings and dump them on her doorstep prehaps she would like to sort that out as well. While you are at it get the keysmith in and change the locks. You are such a brave soul your children are your main concern.
• United States
16 Jul 07
I am assuming by now, three weeks after your post, you regret some or most of what you posted on this discussion. When you married your wife, you took vows, correct ? Whether or not she was pregnant then is a moot point...you were being "responsible" in your eyes, correct? I don't think anyone else needs to "rub your nose" in your obvious mistakes...I think by reading your responses to some of the responses posted here, you already know you were the one in the "wrong" here. I don't think there is anything that you can do or say to make this "go away"..and your wife is entitled to react to your promiscuity in any fashion she see's fit!! Personally, I feel everyone has a "choice"..you know how to use the term "NO", correct ? That's the response that should have come out of your mouth when you considered the situation you put yourself into...I would hope after reading all these responses that you are now more responsible towards your child and make sure you pay child support and take care of the child...Good luck to you !
@hsmeilop (21)
• Philippines
7 Jul 07
Well you did promise to love her in the altar right? I think you were unloyal. But then... people often make mistakes. Its good you were able to get out of it. :D good luck!