You just found out your spouse has a lover. What is your reaction?

Malaysia
July 6, 2007 10:37pm CST
This is a common question. But I love to hear different opinions if this thing really happens to you. What would you do then?
1 person likes this
8 responses
@syain1972 (1011)
• Singapore
7 Jul 07
First, I would maintain cool. Act as if nothing has happened. Then, I would do my personal investigation and try to get as much proof as possible. Once that is done, I would confront him. There's a possibility that he is going to deny about this liason. Well, I would show him all my trump cards and see if he's ready to admit it. Then if he still denies it, I would part with him and serve him a lawyer's letter!! That's me.....
• Malaysia
7 Jul 07
That's the way it should be. Hope you shouldn't have to do that in the future (if something like that happens). I pray that everything will go smoothly all your life.
@syain1972 (1011)
• Singapore
7 Jul 07
Thanks for your prayers and I wish that you too will not be in this kind of situation..... Best Regards..:
• Canada
7 Jul 07
Hi thanks for the friends request...I accept. I love your slogan...so true...a big simple abundance gift...every day. With new friends I like to check out their site and comment. This is an intersting topic. If I found out my spouse had a lover the first thing I would want to do is sit down together and talk! I would need to know what he thought was missing in our relationship or what went wrong with 'us.' After having what I hope would be some respectful dialogue I would listen and try to decide if there was any hope of salvaging what we once had. If he was no longer in love with me or did not have any desire to 'fix' whatever was broken in our marriage through counselling and accountablity I would begin the process of letting go. I would find my own counsellor, talk to friends, vent out my feelings and do my best to handle rather than repress whatever I was feeling. Finally I would let him go...because I have enough self-respect and dignity not to plead or beg any man to stay with me who doesn't want to be there. I'd rather cut the ties, heal and maybe look for love again once I knew it wouldn't be re-bound affair.
• Malaysia
7 Jul 07
Thanks a lot for your thorough reply here, it shows such a difference on how a quality post can stand out from all others. I agree to your views, that love shouldn't be pleaded or begged. We have enough self-respect and dignity and should always preserve it no matter what. And thanks too for accepting me as a friend. Am looking forward to more correspondence with you soon. "Carpe Diem" "Seize the Day"
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Jul 07
Thank you for the genuineness of your acknowlegment...I appreciate it. I am glad we agree on the dignity aspect... it is important. Maintaining safe boundaries and striving to create a healthy partnership is so important. I volunteer at a shelter for women and children who are caught in the trap of domestic violence. Sometimes they take their husbands back when they have been abused on all kinds of levels...including adultery and end up in some bad situations. I appreciate your comments and look forward to chatting again.
• Canada
11 Sep 07
Your best response on this topic..and your comments about a quality post are greatly appreciated. Topics like these are important for people to discuss...there are many sides to every question.
• India
7 Jul 07
If one of the couple has got another lover that means he/she has no trust on first one. He/she is living with him/her just for time pass. In such case it is better to leave at once and look for someone else. To drag such relation is not suggestive as there is no love. Mutual understanding is must in any relation. Any indifferences can be shorted out with discussions. Both must be open minded otherwise involvement of other guy is inevitable.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
7 Jul 07
I think I would agree with you to some extent. I personally wonder what I would do if that thing happened to me. Just hope that it won't.
@hsmeilop (21)
• Philippines
7 Jul 07
Shock. Betrayal. Acceptance. Forgiveness!
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
7 Jul 07
Is it all to betrayal? Don't you want to do more than that? Like filing a divorce?
• Philippines
7 Jul 07
Well for me.. My reaction would be very angry to both of them specially to my partner for betraying me.. T_T I think thats the most of us would do whever that situation would arose.. T_T
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
7 Jul 07
Wouldn't you do anything further than that?
@tantal25 (839)
• United States
8 Jul 07
well i will be mad and hurt of course. And i would realize that he is not yet contented with me that's why he got a lover. even thought it was just a past time, i would never tolerate such things. i will break up with him if that time came.
@amanasan (26)
• Philippines
7 Jul 07
i would definitely be throwing all my tantrums to him. normal reaction for anyone of is hurt. from there i wouldnt know the rest coz it will all depend on the response of the other party and the events to follow
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
7 Jul 07
I am not married but if i was and caught found out my husband had a lover i would be very upset because my heart would be crushed.Of course i would start crying and probably argue and ask him a whole bunch of questions.I think i would play detective.Have his lover meet me for lunch and have him show up at the same time.Set his butt right on up!!SO i can see his stupid look.I would pack my stuff and go!!If he do it once he will do it twice.