how to let go of the past?

Philippines
July 11, 2007 12:29am CST
we have been together for 2 years and 6 months, afterwhich we broke up. It started when we were still in the 10th month of our relationship, i found out something from her that i didn't expect. After that we continued our relationship but then the same thing occured and it became worse and escalated. She was entertaining a suitor of hers who has been persistently bugging her. how do i let go of the past? we broke up but still there is that feeling that i want to know everything that happened in the past... She lied to me and i just can't stop being curious about the truth, of what really happened in the past...
3 people like this
16 responses
@anjoks (2084)
• Philippines
11 Jul 07
Hmnnn.. that is a tough question actually. One of the hardest and painful things in our life that we really cant deal with. . . Well u know, there is this "unfinished business" going on in ur part MK. You cant let go of that feeling and move on if there are still lots of unanswered questions running in your brain. I don't know if i'm in the position of saying these but i'll say anyway, just hear me out. . If you got the strength to talk things out over with ur ex? Why not? .. Its not the thought that u wanna be with her again but to clarify things, for your inner peace u know. I know the feeling, i'd been there in the past and it really sucks! ... I'm going to marry soon but times that i still remember what had happened to me and with my ex. Got unfinished business and its too hard to the endless blame i've been giving myself really... Believe me. . Hope everything will be well with u. Keep me updated. haha! .. that is if u won't mind. (",)
1 person likes this
@joice86 (1079)
• Philippines
12 Jul 07
Hi anjoks. YEah you are right, it's really difficult when you have unfinished business with that person. I have been in that situation also, I have been asking him why he did it to me, then all I got are lies. It's hard because the more I try to know the truth the more that I am hurt and feels stupid for him doing it to me. So I just try not to think about the past, past is past anyway and I can no longer bring back what happened in the past. What matters to me now, is now and tomorrow. But then there are really times that I can't help but to remeber my past with him.
• Philippines
12 Jul 07
Hi anjoks, actually i can't talk to her anymore because im sure that all she is going to say are lies. We have been there before. She refuses to tell everything and instead tell lies and it hurts everytime i find out about the truth from other people and she just confirms it when i confront her. She just wants to forget it, leave the past, and move on. She says that i just have to accept that there are questions in life that cannot be answered... I guess i just have to forget without knowing. BTw, she wants another chance but i guess there won't be anymore becuase this is the second time that it happened. I forgave her once already but she just repeated it and made it worse.
@anjoks (2084)
• Philippines
12 Jul 07
Well MK if that is the case there are so many reasons for you to let go and moved on really. . . On a personal note, u did the right thing for not giving her another chance. I think its better for u guys to end up this way than wait for the time comes that u both feel hatred and wanna kill each other ... haha! (kidding) ... goodluck to u. In no time for sure u'll see the beauty of the world again. Take care. (",)
@bhelle123 (290)
• Canada
12 Jul 07
my answer is "i really do not know" because in myself its also my question...this is a heavy burden that i wanted to put aside but i cannot, the more that i force myself to forget the worse that it will coming back, the memories, the heartaches, the pain, etc... but i am trying to move on, for now i have already my own family...thus, it help me a lot of not thinking my past.
• Philippines
12 Jul 07
Thank you everyone. I really appreciate your pieces of advice. Thanks again!!!! :)
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
12 Oct 10
i feel i get refreshed after having my chocolates. And best remedy is Meditation, try breathing exercise, it will help you balance and handle depression.
• Philippines
15 Jul 07
If you really want to understand everything, you can talk to her if you wish but for me the best thing to do would be to move on since you said that she did it twice. Give yourself a time to heal and start meeting new friends that would be able to help you ease up everything. After sometime, start dating again.
• China
12 Jul 07
star a new love
@sanell (2114)
• United States
12 Jul 07
you will probably always wonder what it was or why it happened. I broke up with an ex boyfriend and I still wonder why it is that we did not work out. For him, it was that he was scared and not ready for the commitment that we were headed towards. In some ways, I am glad that he broke it off but in many other ways I still wonder what could have been. I know that in the end we both are WAY better off with where our lives are now, but we will always have one thing that almost kept us together....and that would not have been good. For me, I am glad I had the experience and yes I wish I had the courage to just go and say "Yo why and what the, and how come" but it has been so long that I have to just let it rest...there is nothing you can do about it and you just have to let it go. It is hard when you still have attachments...that is all I can say at this juncture.
@joice86 (1079)
• Philippines
12 Jul 07
How will I know? - My partner cheated on me?
Hi mkcallejo! Oh, almost same thing happened to us. Its just that I am a girl and that my bf have cheated on me. At first, I was very eager to know everything that he did but then I was just fed up and now, I am just trying to forget everything. Past is past anyway and that I cannot do anything about it to change it. What matters to me now is today and what will happen tomorrow. I still have contact with that guy and he says that he still loves me and he is waiting for me, but then I no longer want to believe him. We are far from each other now, and we only talk through text so it is really impossible for him to be faithful to me.
12 Jul 07
alziemers is a good way, or sleep
• Philippines
12 Jul 07
wow!u reached that long. did you get to have proper closure regarding that matter? if not then that might be the cause of not having peace after the broke up. the problem with people sometimes is they are afraid of being CONFRONTATIONAL, to the point of suffering, like what you are experiencing right now. i believe you have the right to know because you were still involve with you girlfriend during that time. do not let go of the moment when you can still have it. God bless!
@diannebcrs (1549)
• Philippines
11 Jul 07
i think that everything should start with acceptance about what's going on. just accept what's going on, embrace it even and just hope for something better. the thing is that the first step is always the hardest, accepting the reality that you just aren't meant to be. after that you'll find letting go a whole lot easier. denying it, denying getting hurt or disappointed will only make matters worse because it's like taking one step forward and two steps back.
@pendragon (3354)
• United States
11 Jul 07
Why torture yourself, the past will only eat up and choke the goodness out of the future.Unless you have really good leads, or even speculations, you probably won't be able to know any of the particulars, just realize that you were hurt unjustly, and put the blame on her, and say enough's enough.Focus on what can make you happy now.
@wilynn (753)
• Singapore
11 Jul 07
You can try this. Create a chant something like "Gone with the old, new and better ones will come". Everytime you think you are starting to think about the past, chant the sentence in your heart and slowly you will forget after some time. It works for me something like self psycho.
@xaphan (4)
• India
11 Jul 07
The best way to let go of the past is to have a short and a frank talk which is right from your heart with your loved one.I am sure that there is no best cure than this.Dont lose your your temper at any stage. Stay calm and composed .
@cheodej (102)
• Germany
11 Jul 07
it's not the end of the world honey! accept & let go and start a new one. i know it's not easy to let go somebody you love but you must. you're still young and there is so much room for you. try to be busy such as going out with friends or things that you wanted to do for a long time. think of your hobbies and enjoy!
@lattiee (64)
• United States
11 Jul 07
It's hard for someone to not want to find out the truth even after they are apart it's like your asking the question why did she lie to me and the simple answer was -cheating- as in hiding cheating on you which I think that would be this -she didn't want to hurt but truth always find the way out no matter how you tried to hide it.
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
11 Jul 07
They say as one dorr closes another one opens and that is so true but sometimes you have to be willing to walk through the new door then the other one closes automatically, being hurt in relationships is a part of life unfortunately but it also makes us grow, there will be someone new that will come into your life and you will wonder why you were in so much pain in the first place...I promise you this will happen.