HELP! need your OPINION!

Philippines
July 12, 2007 10:19am CST
Hi there! I have friend (a guy) who has been together with his girlfriend for 2 years. Both of them are on the right age to get married (GUY - 29, GIRL - 30), infact, this month is suppose to be their wedding. However, something came up. My friend's mother was confined and was diagnosed for a throat cancer. SO, the wedding was cancelled. What happened was, they need to relocate to a new place just to get near of the hospital where his mother will have daily check up. They rented an aparment and lived together with the patient (the mother). They have stayed in the same shelter for 2 months. And on the duration, they discovered so many things that made them realize that they are not meant to be married this year. My friend's mother is 74 years old and needs constant care and hes the only one who can do it since hes the youngest in the family. All of his brother and sister are out of the country. The medical situation of the patient might take years to put things back to normal. This means that they (the couple) may need to wait years too before they can get marries. My friend just cant give up her mom to marry her girl. JUst as the girl, would not want to wait that long to have a family of her own. She is not getting any younger. My friend now is caught in a situation where he feels God doesnt want him to build a family of his own. CAN YOU HELP ME THINK OF SOMETHING I CAN ADVISE TO HIM? YOUR HELP WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. THanks!
2 people like this
18 responses
• United States
12 Jul 07
They can still get married, if they both love each other and she is willing to understand the situation with the mom. Has your friend talked to his mom to see what she thinks, she might be happy if he gets married. Getting married doesn't mean you have to have a big wedding. They can have a small ceremony with just family. The girl can still get pregnant. I was pregnant when my mother was dying of cancer and she was very happy to see I had a daughter, she even got to hold my daughter before she passed away. I help take care of my mom while pregnant. It's all in what the couple is willing to do, nothing is imposible.
• Philippines
12 Jul 07
i definitely agree.. nothing is impossible...
• Philippines
13 Jul 07
I agree. Getting married doesn't mean you have to abandon or neglect your parents. As a married couple if they live close enough to the mother, he can still take care of her. As for the bride's side, if she really loves the guy she should be willing to wait. A few years is no big deal. In fact, she should help take care of his mother.
• Philippines
13 Jul 07
agreed!. i definitely think that if they really love each other, nothing or no one can come between them. Understanding each other's situation is necessary. Tell your friend good luck for me! *wink*
• Columbus, Ohio
12 Jul 07
Let your friend know that god does not exist. Once he stops using god as a reason for his problems he can start taking responsibility for his own life.
• United States
12 Jul 07
I must pray for you ColeCash!
• Philippines
12 Jul 07
thanks! i respect, but I think I would do the same with asiblosom.. haha
• Canada
13 Jul 07
Maybe God is just trying to let your friend know that this is a good time to spend with his mother. Is the couple 'cancelling' the whole relationship they have or are they just disappointed that the mother's illness appeared so close to their planned wedding date? The COULD still get married. Arrange a celebration later on. I'm not sure that 'the wedding' issue has to be such a HUGE disappointment at all.
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
that makes sense.. yeah.. thank u newbiehelper!
• Canada
18 Jul 07
josh_caare, Maybe you can ask your friends if they will remember the 1 stressful wedding day most when they look back on their lives - or the togetherness they are already sharing in their life that might continue whether they get married this month or not. Then ask if the canceled wedding really has to be all that upsetting at this time. I really hope that the couple can stay level-headed and stop feeling to stressed and upset about this for a while.
@Marie2473 (8521)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
A marriage will alway have problem and rwhat if this had happened a year after would they have gotten divorced? I do belive that if they want it really bad they can make it work. they both just have to understand that it is not going to be easy and that they both have to have a mutural understanding
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
thanks again!
@Marie2473 (8521)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
A marriage will alway have problem and rwhat if this had happened a year after would they have gotten divorced? I do belive that if they want it really bad they can make it work. they both just have to understand that it is not going to be easy and that they both have to have a mutural understanding
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
thanks marie!
@nahtan (150)
• United States
13 Jul 07
True love can conquer all odds. They can still get married and take care of the guy's mother. Many couples adopt their parents to come live with them. As they rebuild the life of the mother, they can also build their own lives back.
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
awesome.. very poetic! thanks nathan!
@tuffy999 (794)
• Philippines
13 Jul 07
well the signs are clear both of them are not ready to plunge into marriage simple as that. the guy cannot leave his mother and the girl cannot wait. if they are ready and meant for one another they can meet halfway.
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
you saw the sign huh.. lolz.. but yeah... you have a point.. this might be a realization part for both of them
• Indonesia
13 Jul 07
If he thinks that about God, it means he is blaming his sick mom. He shouldnt give up her mom just to marry his gf. Instead of blaming God for this, he should find the possible solution fot them all. If its not because of financial problems, I think your friend can hire a person to take care and manage the medication. But if it because of financial problems, then he can ask his brothers and sisters to support him.
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
wow.. that makes sense!
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
13 Jul 07
I think there may be something else preventing the marriage then his aleing mother. If she truely loved him she would stand by his side no matter what. If he truely loved her he would marry her. There isn't a reason they can't. They already live together with the mom so what difference would that make if they were married and living with her. I think they may care about each other but want different things in their life and it is leading them in other paths. I would put up with a bad situation if it meant being with the people I loved. If she can't do that then maybe she doesn't truely love him and he needs to move on. Good Luck Vicki
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
thank you much vicki.. this is something that i need to let them figure out. ciao!
@pzazzs (17)
• India
13 Jul 07
Let your Frz first plan to marry that girl...later take care of his mother...I reason I prefer this choice is that his mom have completed 74 years and have enjoyed her life up to certain extent,now its the chanse of the young lasy to have a comfortable life and I fell it is her right to demand for that....
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
am amazed.. thanks pzazzs!
• Indonesia
13 Jul 07
why don't you try to tell your friend to marry in front of his mom? no need big party,no need a lot of guests.Just the priest,the rings,parents and maybe some of your close friends. The point is they can get married legally.I think that's the best.
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
that sounds very practical indeed! thanks nutea anin!
• Tanzania
13 Jul 07
josh_caare i know your friends are going through alot but they have to understand that if their where in love all this stuff( taking care of the man's parent) would not have bothered them. what should matter is the love they feels towards each other. i think they should get married and leave with her( patient).
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
i just would like to make sure... LEAVE the parents? or LIVE with his parents...?
• China
13 Jul 07
Hi Josh_caare,in my opinion, your friend should not to cancelled this wedding. He could do as original plan. i am sure that if he get married, his mom will be quite happy for him. they are on the right age to get married. the god gives their this chance to get married. if they love each other, i believe that they can solve every problem together.The way is: get married, then take care of his mom together. Live happily together. Love's power is huge, they can deal with it well. Best of luck
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
thanks vivianyan! that is appreciated.
• China
13 Jul 07
Just do something that he want to do,don't care anyone's word.
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
lolz...
@Bujoyseth (1684)
• Philippines
13 Jul 07
well, i think, it's not a big reason for them to cancel their marriage. they can get married in the simplest way, let's just say just a family gathering.. maybe, his mother would be happy to see his son getting married and to think that his mother will see his first grandchild before she pass away.. (knock on the wood) maybe, pursuing their marriage at this time will help their mother psychologically...
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
thanks bujoyseth.. but am just curious.. what does knock on the wood means?
• United States
12 Jul 07
Tell your friend that these are the stepping stones to a better life in the long run. God loves him more than he could ever love anyone so ask him how he could even think that God would not want him to build a family of his own. Of course God wants all good things for him. He needs to remember that we all stumble and go through things for a reason. For example, maybe this is not the girl for him and if they had a family it would be tore apart by divorce. So, God is protecting him, guiding him, tell him to trust in God because he only wants the best for him!
• Philippines
12 Jul 07
this is something that i think he needs to ponder...
• Philippines
12 Jul 07
In my own opinion , your friend should act at his age.he should be mature enough to deal with things and decide .Always remember in every decision there will always be consequences, good or bad.it doesn't matter as long as you stand by your decision,i think it you be satisfied.
• Philippines
12 Jul 07
i appreciate that.. thank you vasty! :-)
@Yatayee (117)
• Australia
12 Jul 07
Love does not know the boundaries of sickness. Please, tell him to marry her if he loves her. Have a civil ceremony as someone else said, then have a huge celebration when they go to the country with all their relatives. People will understand and they will be happy for the couple. Good luck.
• Philippines
12 Jul 07
thanks alot! thats a nice thought. if you really love someone, nothing is imposibble! thanks!
1 person likes this