How would you react

Denmark
July 13, 2007 7:03am CST
if your son/daughter came and told you he/she'd fell in love with a foreigner of a completely different culture to your own? Would you be pre-judgemantal and let them know about it? Would you think that since its not you who have to date them it should be the choice of your son/daughter? I am very devided on this one as i would feel different wether it was my son or my daughter presenting me with this. DO you think this would make a difference to you?
13 people like this
30 responses
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
13 Jul 07
I would be asking him a million questions on how he met this young lady and I would expect him to tell me ALL (well not all) but the main things I would like to know about her, her family, her background and so forth. I would hope that I have brought him up to respect his parents and to be open about his life and relationship/s especially if it is one that is serious or more than just "friends". It really does not bother me where that person came from, as my sons happiness is all I am concerned about. I would be interested in meeting her though and getting to know her if this relationship was getting serious, after all it is his decision who he dates and marry's in the end. He has to be the one that is happy in his life and I'll support it as much as I can. I don't know about his father though, that is a another story LOL.
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
Yeah i agree with you hunni, but wouldn't you do the same if she was of your own culture and origin? I mean would you only have this interest in her because she was "different"?
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
15 Jul 07
Oh yeah sure Kim, most definitely, any girl for that matter- I didn't answer your question properly oops! I was meaning regardles of who she was and where she came from, I would treat her the same as if she were from my own culture.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
16 Jul 07
lol madmommy, that was the impression i got from reading your first response, just wanted to provoke you a little.
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (14059)
• Canada
14 Jul 07
I remember when I told my parents that I am in love with an English man. My father was like 'what? finally you found someone who can stand you?' LOL his work allowed him to see and talk to foreigners, although it's mostly field work. my mother said 'well you always like those people' with those people she meant those who are not of our ethnic, she is very proud of our culture. but the wedding happened and we've been together for almost 7 yrs now. I would lie if I said it's easy, but we made it so far. There are good and bad people in every culture, country or religion. You should see this person your child has a crush on, find out as much as you can and then you can let him or her know what you think.
2 people like this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
Well Mel my friend. Being a canadian married to an englishman should not present the huge cultural or religious differences, as f.ex if you had married a hindy, bhudist or a muslim. I think this woul be the areas i would be worried about.
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@LittleMel (14059)
• Canada
15 Jul 07
I wasn't Canadian at the time. If you remember my original avatar, you will know I am Asian.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
26 Jul 07
Oh yes i remember Mel. Sorry.
@student7 (1002)
• United States
14 Jul 07
I would have to meet the person and make sure that this person would treat my child right. I have no problem with them dating a foreigner. I would have to make sure that my child and this foreigner are truly in love. Otherwise, I have no problem towards this. I want my children to be happy and if this person makes them happy, then I will support it.
2 people like this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
Hear, hear hear my dear friend. :)
• Denmark
26 Jul 07
Would religion mean anything to you? Would you think differently if the religion of your son in law was different to yours?
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
13 Jul 07
My daughter is 11 but doesn't date at all but I know she does find a darker boy more attractive than lighter boys. Here there are mostly white acadian decent so even we (ukranian decent) are very weird to them. I am from away Toronto LOL and my childern are considered foreign because I raise my childern differently then most people here. There has only been 2 boys in her school that are dark and she thought they both were cute. I don't care as long as she is happy. LOL Vicki
2 people like this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
Well lets hope she either grow to like the white boys, or more darker boys will come in her school, or she will be lost. Sounds unbelieveable to me that only 2 boys with different colour skin came to her school, that sure would not happen here in denmark. We have at least 5% foreigners in school even on the country site.
2 people like this
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
27 Sep 07
We live in a very rural east coast fishing community in Canada. Most everyone here are acadian christians. We are considered unique because we are ukrainian decent and not christian. HEHE
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
13 Jul 07
No, I wouldn´t be. I am a Canadian and my husband is Guatemalan. My father was not impressed when I started dating my husband. He no longer speaks to me now that we have two (half and half, the horror!) children. My husband´s family had difficulties accepting me as well, especially his mother. She still makes comments, saying things like "Well, your son is weaker than us because he´s half Canadian." So, knowing how it feels, I would not be judgemental if my sons decided to date or marry a foreigner. I would, however, warn them of the reception they might face from the woman´s family!
13 Jul 07
(half and half, the horror!) LOL, yes while I took more from my father, I am very pale in comparison to my brother's who have the dark skin of my mother's, I know it's just terrible being "mixed"...NOT. I always found that saying odd. English, French, Germans etc. can have kids with each other, but they are not mixed? Funny isn't it. If you ask me every one is half and half or quarters or thirds and we are all very much mixed :oD
1 person likes this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
Im sorry to hear ya dad no longer speaks to you coz of this Guate, that is rediculous. But at end of the day, it's him loosing out. Not only has he lost his daughter, but he deflect himself from the option of the pleassure of his grand kids. I could never pay that price wether i would agree to my daughters choice of a husbond or not. Haha sunshine. interesting point, and as usual you are right. I sure am mixed. Mixed up in my head that is, lol.
@sunshinecup (7882)
13 Jul 07
Well my 10-year-old fell head over heals for a black boy last year. He was a sweet child and very, VERY smart. I was more worried over her starting this stuff now at such a young age. I can't remember having crushes so young. Never the less, she did and while many of my family had issues with it, since she showed off his picture to everyone, her Daddy and I stood our ground with them. We don't care if she dates and marries a green women, if they love and treat my daughter with respect, we will support them. When I leave this world, I want to go knowing both my girls have someone that loves them just as much as I do to continue life with them. I can't put boundaries or limits on them finding that person, you know?
2 people like this
13 Jul 07
BTW my father is Irish and my mother is American Indian. Her skin is really dark, when her and my father started dating, his family protested something fierce and they both would get attitudes from strangers when out in the public. Mind you this was in the 1950’s and early 60’s. Even after they were married his family treated her like second class and I remember being in stores and stared at by others in the 70’s. Heck one time we all went to a little restaurant for pizza and they wouldn’t serve us! It was awful. I reckon after seeing how that affected my mother, it had an affect on me. So maybe my experience helped me understand the color of the skin it not what's important.
2 people like this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
O once dated a indian indian girl. SHe was some of the sweetest, caring and kindest person i ever met. So was her family, the accepted me straight from the begining as did HER friends. My family and friends was totally oposite, the never accepted the relationship and they told me over and over that they could not see what i saw in her or why on earth i would date a "pa ki" when i could get a nice girl of my own origin and culturel background.
@sugarfloss (2140)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 07
I think it should be the child's choice.You should advice but should not say anything that might hurt their partner.It doesn't matter where he/she is from as long as they love each other.Music is universal and so is love.
2 people like this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
Sure sugar, i agree with you. Greetings :)
• Philippines
14 Jul 07
I would be very understanding. Well, I guess I will. Since it happened to me. There really is nothing wrong about that but I will also have fears and worries if she will tell me she plans to go to his country. Every mother would feel so worried whenever her kids would travel away from her.
2 people like this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
I see where you are comming from hersmart! But what is really the difference if she decided to move to her husbonds country? They could decide to move to the oposite side to where you are in your own country.
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
Since my bf is from a very different country and culture I know that I would accept it, just liek my parents have. They treat him just the same and they just want me to be happy wich I also am. I do belive that it is a good thing that we are so different, we learnnew things everyday =)
2 people like this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
Yes it sure has bith its pros and coins. But as most of you have responded i must agree that it aint up to me to decide. But that doesn't mean that i would not interfere if the relationship did work out, ie if my daughter was being re-pressed due to his religion or if he beats her up.
@tredale (1313)
• Australia
13 Jul 07
Does anyone know who to fall in love with. Should children be any different. What makes there choices any worse or better than other people around us. Lets face it relationships can be bad with in our own culture and religion. They can also be great. I guess I would let my children chose love for themselves and if it's bad I'd be there for them, If it's good I'd be there for them. What Im trying to say you dont know until its good or bad. goodluck
2 people like this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
Well said tredale, i could not put it any better. Greetings.
1 person likes this
@rosie_123 (6118)
13 Jul 07
Well speaking as someone who has spent over 20 years living with a man from a completely different country/language and culture to my own, I would say it matters not a jot. All that matters is that two people love and respect each other. If my son or daughter wanted to starr a relationship with someonem all I would care about is wehther that someone loved and respected my child, and would give them a happy life. I don't care about religion (it means nothing to me), and people are people in my eyes, regardless of the colour of their skin, or the language they speak. We are all citizens of the world, and love is the only all-important emotion that can bind people together. If my child found that I wouldn't care who with!!!
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
Hear hear hear Rosie. Greetings.
• Canada
13 Jul 07
For me being a foriegner is not an issue when in comes to love. The real issue here is... does he/she really care and love your daughter/son? How will you accept their relationship and how will you threat them well. Being a foriegner is not a hindrance for love what is important is that they are happy being together and really love each other. Why will you care about other people will say. Who are they to judge? Think about your child's happiness. When you know that this person cares for your child a lot and he/she'll do and give everything for him/her. Why will i object? Ofcourse, there is one problem that i will be concern with... it's when they get married and my child decided to live with their country then i will not see them often. but anyway i will be competent that my child is in the right hand. Love is not exclusively for just the same race. That's the reason why love has so many definitions and even sometimes hard to define.
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
I totally agree with you msc. It was actually my daughter who gave me idea to this discussion. She asked me how i would respond if she came home with a foreigner. Now i think she did as coz she is pretty racist and just wanted to provoke me. Dont think she expected my answer to be: I dont care if he is green, blue or yellow. You can bring home ET, and it wouldn't bother me as long as he/ she treats you propperly and with the love & respect you deserve, i do not care.
1 person likes this
@magnet (2089)
• United States
13 Jul 07
I would want to meet his/her new love and get to know his friend. I do not think that it would bother me. I just want them to be happy.
2 people like this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
Aint that just what it is all about?
1 person likes this
@Sushicook (691)
• Sweden
13 Jul 07
If my son or daughter would bring a lover home from a different culture, I would try to embrace that culture and be tolerant of any differences between us. My family is mainly Swedish, but my cousins girlfriend is from Etiopia. At their daughters christening, Swedes and Etiopians came together to eat eachothers food and spend time in eachothers company. I would be very tolerant as long as I know that he/she is treating my child right.
2 people like this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
Well, the food was something i did not contemplate, but that sure could break up the ice. Thanks for pointing this out Sushi :)
@Amstardam (1348)
• United States
14 Jul 07
I think the only thing that would make it hard for me is where they would live. Unless of course they both live in the same country already. If my son/daughter was going to move to their lovers country, I would be very sad because I couldn't see them much but I would be able to go visit another culture and country! I love meeting people from all over the world and of different cultures than my own. I spent about five years of my life traveling/volunteering in several other countries. I always thought I would marry someone from abroad, but found love in my home country instead. I couldn't judge my kids for doing what I did! As long as their love respects my family then I would do my best to respect them as well.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
That plus religious believes would be my concern Amstar. But when that concern is dealt with i would hope they'd moved to a nice country with the same standard of living and same set of values in which she is brought up. I love to meet people from other countries too, and have been traveling all over the place myself. I would not mind my own daughter have the same pleassures. SHe could always return if she so wishes.
1 person likes this
@Amstardam (1348)
• United States
17 Jul 07
That's true. I think it depends on the religion though...as long as my son doesn't convert to a cannabilistic human sacrificing weirdo then I'd be okay! Although, that's most likely not going to be the case. ;) Some religions would be harder than others. Like some that won't allow me to even attend my son's wedding because I don't have a membership card or ones that cut you off from the family if you don't share the same faith. That would be hard but I would still have to respect my sons decisions as he will be an adult and able to choose what he believes for himself.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
26 Jul 07
I totally agree with ya Amstar! I think the religious belief of my daughters partner is more important than his/hers origin. I for instance talk about my daughter and would be concerned if she married into a religion where the women for instance are opressed, have no right to speak, sexually and physical abuse and is regarded as being 2nd class to her husbond. This i would not accept, tho i agree at end of day, it will be her decission. As long as she is being treated with the love and respect as she deserves. Greetings.
• United States
13 Jul 07
I wouldn't have any problem with it as long as they didn't fall in love with a Muslim. Even then I don't think it would bother me unless they said they were going to convert. I would embrace them falling in love with someone from another culture our country even it would be a great opportunity to learn something new and maybe I would even get a chance to go to another country.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
15 Jul 07
Hi whatshername. I am actually surprised that you are the first one bringing religion into this conversation, coz this to me is why i think i would feel differently if it was my son or my daughter who fell in love with a foreigner. I would still say as long as they treat you with the love and respect you deserve and you love that person that is what counts to me. But where as it would not concern me too much with my son as he is a man, i surely would be on guard for my daughter, and i sure would not like it if she came home told me that she would convert to islam. It is the one religion that i despice and cannot tollerate
2 people like this
• United States
15 Jul 07
Maybe because it isn't a religion of peace and tolerance at all but a cult of mind and world domination.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
5 Sep 07
Its coz its a religion of hate. Sorry just my opinion. :)
@theprogamer (10543)
• United States
24 Aug 07
No i would not be phased about it. I would be more concerned about how the person would treat my son/daughter. Frankly I don't care if he/she's christian, muslim, jewish, native indian, heck he/she can worship chairs for all I care. Their religion isn't the issue, the issue I care about is how are you gonna treat my child. Cause if you don't treat them right you'll incur my wrath.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
24 Aug 07
In the end that is all it boils down to programmer, and that sure is my main concern as well. But unfortunately lots of religions, in my point of view anyway, do not treat the women as equal to man. In some cultures women is regarded as second class people. I sure do nat agree with these cultures especially when it comes as close as to my kid.
@theprogamer (10543)
• United States
26 Aug 07
I have noticed more awakening/renaissance with some people and cultures. I'm thinking they treat the spouse better due to growing viewpoints, love of the person, and probably the always looking and protective (and knows best ;p) parent.
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22909)
• China
15 Jul 07
I would let him to choose his marriage though I would give him some advice about it. If my son chooses to fall in love with a foreigner, it shows that they must have something in common that brings them together. I would not be judgemental. Life is his to explore though. So long as he is happy, I would be happy as well. Thanks for your topic, my dea friend.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
25 Aug 07
Sorry i have not responded before Will, must have missed your response somehow. Sure wishing happyness for your kids is what all parrents do or should do. I am not sure i would be as worried if my child as a boy, but she is not. As said somewhere else, I would never judge on race but though I claim not to be racist I cannot say the same about culture or religion. Am i wrong in feeling so?
1 person likes this
• China
25 Aug 07
No, you are not wrong, kim. Because sometimes we have to think about the religion and culture. But it is ok if they both decide to get married. Then it shows that they have been prepared for this difference. I appreciate your response, kim. Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
26 Sep 07
As long as the person is making my GROWN child (they can't date until they are like...hmmm say like 50ish LOL) happy and are treating them good then I would be all for it. There are jerks from all nationalities, not just one group of people.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
27 Sep 07
I sure agree with you there Vic. Marrying a Dane is no guarantie for happyness. Lol, just wait hunni, wont be long before you will have these sort of problems :)
@secretbear (19472)
• Philippines
25 Sep 07
i dont have a daughter and im not married yet. but im a daughter myself and i wouldnt want my mother to be judgemental on whoever i am dating. i'd want her to be open-minded and she should know first the man i love. she shouldnt be biased, just because my bf is of different race with different cultures, doesnt already mean he's bad. she should give him the chance to prove himself to her and she should take time to know him. ^__^
1 person likes this
• Denmark
27 Sep 07
I can not agree more with you huni. I think however when it comes to be pre-judgemental we are all guilty to some extend. I know i sure am. I am proud to claim that i am an ole hippie with all that takes. In way of living in thoughts and in heart. Peace, Love and understanding. Also i am pretty flexible and free spirited of what is ok and what isn't. But as i grow older i found that this is ok for me. til something happens on my own dorstep. Anyway, all i want for my daughter is that she is happy and in good health.