Guys going out, it's normal,so why do I feel annoyed??

United States
July 20, 2007 5:58pm CST
Ok, I know I shouldn't be mad or annoyed at my fiance going out. But I am. I know it comes from a multitude of things, starting with lack of trust, I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. We have had quite an odd relationship and in the past(about 2 years ago) he has left me and since then there have been times where he just plain out and out lies.About absolutely idiotic things to boot! Alright here is the jist of things. Right now I am a SAHM to 3 kids 14,10,9 they are mine (oldest is ours) and live with us. He has three other kids 12,9,7, they rarely come up. Anyway, I was in Cosmetology school but had to stop because I couldn't afford to make the monthly payments(total other rant,trust me.) so I am home everyday with the kids. My fiance works, 5-7 days a week pretty much every week but his pay is crap esp. once his child support comes out. So we don't have money for much anything but essentials. He drinks, pretty much an alcoholic I haven't seen him go more than two days without alcohol in 2 years. He has a tendency to get mean and snippy when he drinks too much, which tends to be when he is stressed or generally on the weekends. So I don't feel comfortable leaving the kids with him while I get some "me" time, so I haven't had any time to do anything by myself since school let out in June. Everything he wants to do is always involving alcohol or partying. There is always a way for him to have enough money for his alcohol everyday if there isn't enough for anything else. I got out of my partying phase a long time ago, I don't like to drink because I used to have an alcohol problem when I was a teen and I don't want to slip back into it. I'm rambling, I know, but bear with me. He will do little things with us like play a board game about 3 or 4 times a week or go walking once or twice, but nothing really other than that. He is always too tired or doesn't want to do the things we want to do. Tonight he comes home and says his friend from work wants him to come over his house and play some games and have a few beers. I calmly state and you are going to drive the work van to his house while you are drinking? He tells me no, I figured you would drive me up there. We only have 1 vehicle and he knew I had some errands I wanted to do, mind you he has been home maybe 20 minutes when he told me this. His friend lives about 25 minutes one way away. Our van is old 88, and gets really really sucky gas mileage. I told him that I have no desire whatsoever to drive him up there drop him off then pick him back up. Also I told him that he has a tendency to call me up at like 2 in the morning when he is out wanting a ride home,and I had no desire to do that. So we proceed to go to town because once every two weeks we let the kids go out to eat. Well we ran into his friend at the gas station. I said there ya go, get him to bring ya home. Which he asked and the guy said he would. Why am I still ticked???? I guess it comes from the fact he was too tired to do anything with us, but got a sudden burst of energy when he wanted to go to his friends house, the fact that I know, about 95%, that he won't be home til the morning even though he claims to be home tonight, and when do I get to go out and not worry if the kids are being taken cared for?? I guess I am just abnormal,witchy person because I think that with him being 38 his partying days should be behind him. Is what I feeling normal???
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