Have you ever felt! You are bothering someone with your response/participation?

@kamran12 (5555)
Pakistan
July 21, 2007 1:49pm CST
Probably the least, I would like in a discussion would be that a poster is bothered by my participation and he/she don’t like me responding to their discussions. I would like that they tell me upfront, if they are bothered, and until then I would assume that I am welcomed. But, sometimes I feel that, though a person is bothered yet he/she may not be telling me because he/she is trying to be polite or whatever. I’ll also stop replying if I develop this strong feeling. What about you? How do you figure out or find or can come to know that your participation is not welcomed? What will you do if you feel that you are bothering? P.S: This has nothing to do with my own discussions. I am most probably never bothered by anyone even if someone replies with insult and such.
2 people like this
11 responses
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
24 Jul 07
No I don't think so. I think if they are bothered with my response they can just comment to it anyway, or maybe they will just ignore it or report it. It really is up to them. What I'm trying to say is, as a topic starter, they CAN do whatever they feel like when it comes to responses they get.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
24 Jul 07
you seem to be very right LittleMel! but what if they just don't do anything out of politeness and you sense it somehow?
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@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
24 Jul 07
if that's what they did then I guess I would never know. I'm really bad at reading between the lines, which is strange because I keep things to myself too most of the time. But I'm sure if they go through my responses to other discussions they'll know I'm not aggressive or insulting person. The rest I can only leave it to them.
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
24 Jul 07
You have a mature attitude LittleMel! what if they are not saying anything to you. They are responding to every comment but leaves your comment or takes too much time in getting back to just your comment, all others answered timely, what will you deduce in that situation? Sorry if I am getting too much assumptive!:-)
1 person likes this
@fab315 (1242)
• Philippines
16 Aug 07
I don't think that I did bother someone with my response or participation..well I just hope so. Before I post a response I do read the discussion and if I can contribute, that's the only time I make a comment. And if the poster doesn't comment back to my response I honestly don't fell unwelcome or that he/she was bothered by my comment. First of all I'm always careful of what I write and try not to be offensive. If the poster won't comment back I'll respect it, she/he might have reasons whatever it may be. And if the poster find my response offensive he/she is always welcome to PM me or inform me, I'm open to it. I actually don't expect for a poster to comment back on my response, if they do, I really appreciate it, but I feel that it's better not to expect so you won't get disappointed if you won't get a comment back. As a poster, I do admit I don't comment back to all the responses in my discussion but that doesn't mean that those responses are unwelcome or offensive. I'm not always online in myLot, as when I'm online as much as possible I try to catch up. Sometimes I just can't catch up. I do feel bad about it honestly. MyLot is an open forum, open discussion. And I do believe that before you post a discussion, you should be open to any kind of responses either offensive or not because everybody have different views and opinions. What's important is that we share ideas and we learn from each other. I know I still have a lot of things to learn and I'm learning a lot here. To tell you the truth I'm actually more worried or bothered on how I wrote my discussions or responses, I'm conscious if I spelled the words correctly or if I did use the right grammar. I'm not articulate and I feel like maybe the poster/readers are laughing at me..*hope not*. All I know is that You can't always please everybody..even how good your response or discussion is you still can't satisfy others. As for you my friend, you never bothered me with your responses at all. I love reading your responses and I'm always looking forward to it now..LOL! *although I admit you intimidate me sometimes..coz you're good!* I really do appreciate you commenting back and pls accept my apology if I can't comment back sometimes..guess better late than never no? *smiless..* I just hope that I'm not bothering you with my responses or discussions. Am I? pls bare with my writings, spellings and grammar..you're criticisms are always welcome anytime. just PM me though..LOL!!don't broadcast it! *smiles* take care.. thank a lot!! cheers! :D
@fab315 (1242)
• Philippines
16 Aug 07
LOL!! guess what? I wrote "fell" instead of "feel", it's suppose to be "feel". LOL!! thanks... cheers! :D
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
16 Aug 07
Hello fab315!:-) You are very right that one shouldn't always expect that the poster will comment back specifically. I do not mind if someone doesn't comment specifically to me but if he/she doesn't comment at all to any one, I don't feel comfortable. What I feel a sign as a not welcome is when someone always commented to me and have had very good relation and after just one little disagreement, he/she stops further communication, it's there that I feel that I am not welcome, still I try for sometime and having seen such behavior consistently, I feel that I am bothering so I better stop. I also appreciate the way you take time to comment back in your own discussion and I don't expect that you will always comment back to me. Sometimes, there isn't anything to comment on as such. knowing you as a quality and serious participant here on mylot, I can understand if you don't comment to all responses. You are also wise as to how mylot should be and how users should behave. I also share your concerns about wirting. I am not a native speaker and make a lot of mistakes but I am glad that majority of the mylot community is very considerate and don't mind. The idea is more important than some mistakes here and there. Your resposes are intelligent and of quality, at least I see them as such. Thank you for all your kind words about my responses, I feel the same way about yours:-) You can never bother me, not even least. How can you bother me when I am not bothered even by rude comments. Thank you for sharing your views in detail, fab315!:-) and I do hope that you will excuse my language mistakes:-)
@fab315 (1242)
• Philippines
17 Aug 07
Hello! Thank you for the wonderful words you've said about my responses, it's nice to hear such comments *smiles*. I didn't realize my comments are serious...LOL! which is a total opposite of me in real life. I'm glad that I never bothered you by my responses and discussions and I hope I will never bother you at all in days/months to come. And if one day we will have some contra ideas or disagreements about a certain discussion, I assure you my friend that you're ideas will always be respected by me and that our friendship will remain. Thanks. Take care.. cheers! :D
1 person likes this
• India
9 Aug 07
Hello kamran iam not sure if i have come across such a situation b'cos most of the times i respond to topics that i really love and to people i love LOL but yes sometimes i sense that some people start a discussion and then reply to their friends only and leave the rest of the replies unanswered so if i get the same from a person more than once i assume they dont like my particpation and stop replying LOL and then there are the god discussions where people start just to insult other religions i get mad and give some really sharp replies but then i realized they were simply that way they just wanted people getting mad so i stopped visting such discussions too i like the light hearted ones if its really a serious issue there are certain polite and lovely people who love a reasonable debate so i respond only to them :)
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
9 Aug 07
Hi Ano!:-) You have a point there that if people don't respond repeatedly than it can be a sign that they don't want your participation, but I can not imagine that any body would not like your participation! You are sadly true about the discussions on religions and God, People do seem to make others just mad rather than having a healthy debate. I have participated in many religious discussions and your observation is right to most part. I have started some of my own in the past and I hope that I was respectful to other people's views. When the discussions go out of realm of learning and enter into assertions and abuses, it's the time when it becomes valueless. Thank you for sharing your views, Ano!:-)
• India
9 Aug 07
i have not come across your religious discussion Kamran maybe i should visit your profile b'cos i love to learn and hear someone else point of view and whatever i know about other religions i have learnt it from others or researched it on the net i want to read the important books as well from every religion but i feel iam not ready yet so i plan on learning as much as possible and then start reading the holy books as well :)
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
9 Aug 07
My religious discussions are not that religious Ano, and they are not related to any particular religion as such. But, they sure have ideas which are common in religions. I would love to listen to your views.
• United States
23 Jul 07
I never get the feeling that I am bothering someone by responding to their discussions.And I have never been bothered by people responding. There have been some stupid responses but I just rate them a - and let it go. I have enjoyed your responses to my discussions and I hope you enjoy mine.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
23 Jul 07
It's good to know that you have enjoyed my responses, sarahruthbeth22, and I am sure that I certainly enjoy yours. I personally do not rate a response at all, if I don't like it, otherwise it's always a plus. Thanks for sharing:-)
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jul 07
I rate everything I read and yet I can count on one hand how many times I have rated something with a -. ps Of course it would be my left hand.
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
24 Jul 07
I have also rated some 3 or 4 responses as - in around 4 months. Haha! you better do it with the right one, so that you can remember better!:p since it will be different:-)
1 person likes this
@dk_y2k5 (118)
• India
16 Aug 07
Hello everyone! After going through the description provided above,I don't have anything to say about the topic simply because I have joined this site like a week ago.Hardly anyone knows about me on this site, so I guess my replies wont be the ones put under the category of NON-WELCOMED ones. But if such a thing has happened already to someone, I wonder what reasons might have led to such a scenario being created.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
16 Aug 07
Hello dk_y2k5!:-) I don't think you will ever be a bother to anybody. No worries! Thanks for responding:-)
@I_LUV_U (2519)
• India
6 Aug 07
Whenever you respond to my discussions, i'm bothered. You know why? Because 9 times out of 10, you give absolutely no chance for others to win the "Best response". Some users might start thinking that i'm partial to you....lol. Well, that was just on a funny note. Seriously speaking, you are most welcome to respond to my discussions anytime. Infact, everytime when i start a discussion, i'll be looking forward to your response especially. If someone does'nt like you responding to their discussions, it is just their loss. As for me, i have two main criteria in my mind while responding to the discussions. 1) The topic should have something of a substance to respond to, not something which could be answered with one word or a line. Questions like "Where is Tajmahal" or "which is your favourite colour" or "Suggest a name for my cat" etc, its just not my cup of tea and i don't entertain them. 2) The topic should be something which i can relate to, i don't try adding something to the topics about which i've the least knowledge or something which i'm not clear about. Besides, it should'nt come under any violation of guidelines. I don't mind whether the user is bothered about it or not. If there is something for me to contribute, i will. Its not just the starter that reads my response, even the fellow responders read it and they may like it. Moreover, if someone's bothered about my response, it is his/her problem and they have to overcome it. I can't help. I believe my responses are worthy. Oh, i missed one question. How do you figure out that your participation is not welcomed? * The discussion author may sometimes comment on all other responses and leave ours. * The author may just say a "thank you" to our response which is not the case with other responders. He might comment meaningfully on all others and only give a "thanks" to you. * Sarcastic comments and teasers. This hurts a lot. Its better they don't comment rather than saying such kind of double-meaning dialogues. I don't like someone using sarcasm on me, i expect people to be straight forward, no matter what opinion they have of me.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
6 Aug 07
You are such a kind and considerate friend, I_LUV_U! I really value your contributions not only in my discussions but also else where. Thank you for all your kind words, I have the same feelings about you. I also look forward to your discussions and will participate if I could anything meaningful, helpful or interesting. The criteria you have mentioned are very reasonable, I try to look for the same things while considering responding to a discussion. "Its not just the starter that reads my response, even the fellow responders read it and they may like it." You are so very true about it and that's a great point. In fact, I specifically mentioned this while responding to a couple of discussions that my response may not be very interesting or helpful to you (poster) but it may help some other people. I specifically remember doing it in a discussion about how to raise funds etc. The points that you have mentioned about how you figure out if you are welcome or not are interesting and good pointers to know the state of affairs. P.S: Congratulations on getting a star. I already got a perfect 9 (90) in start. I remember that I got a yellow with 85 rating. I hope it will soon rise to 10:-) I wish you best of luck!
1 person likes this
@Buchi_bulla (8299)
• India
24 Jul 07
I never felt my responses are hurting anyone. I never go deep into personal things. If possible give courage or encouragement otherwise just a normal reply that is it. Certainly your responses to my discussions are very very interesting and it enhances my respect on you. Even your avatar is like giving a supporting hand to a person in need, may be a blind person to cross the road, a person who has fallen down and need a supportive hand etc. So rating going down may have many reasons. Nobody knows exactly how it is done.
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
24 Jul 07
Hello Buchi_bulla!:-) From what little interaction I have with you, I can say with confidence that you can never be hurting or a bother! That's what I am sure about:-) Thanks for all your kind words. You are right about rating being a complex system! Thanks again for sharing:-)
@youless (90024)
• Guangzhou, China
23 Jul 07
In fact I always try to not to be bothering anyone when I post. But you know people are different, some may think it too serious. Frankly, I think you are a very nice person due to your discussions and responses. So if anyone who feels your response is bothering, he/she must be a mean one. I am sorry to say so, I have to try to be polite as usual:)
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
23 Jul 07
you can never bother anyone, youless, not at least me. I don't think that the people who are bothered by me are mean, though. There can be any reason that they don't like me to participate. Thanks for all your kind words, youless! I really appreciate:-)
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
21 Jul 07
The only time I can think of when I've felt I was bothering someone by responding to their discussion was occasionally on the topic of religion. There are times when people start discussions on religion that sound as if they are open to people of all religions to respond to, and then once I respond the comment given back to me makes it clear that the original poster really only wanted responses from people of their own religion. In this case, I feel like it is not my fault for responding, but theirs for not making that clear in their original post. Otherwise, I don't think I've ever felt I was bothering someone by participating. People start discussions, other people respond, that's how the system works. I don't really see how it could be a bother to participate. Maybe I'm oversimplifying or something?
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
21 Jul 07
Religious topics are a good example here, lecanis! You never thought probably because you never bother anyone. you are right that if someone doesn't want other than a particular type of responders, he/she should clarify it exclusively. I get concerned when I continually respond to people and they don't seem interested in my participation in their discussions or I feel like they are bothered.
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
21 Jul 07
In some situations I first think that should I comment or not. If feel ok then I just comment on it. If I feel that someone will feel bad due to my comment then I won't (I try to follow this as much as I can, But some times I had too)
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@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
21 Jul 07
you are right, smartali89, sometimes we have to. I was actually more focused about about bothering by continuously posting and participating in someones discussions
@Angela07 (202)
• United States
21 Jul 07
well i have never felt that i was ever bothering anyone in commenting...
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
21 Jul 07
That's great Angela07! Welcome to mylot!:-)