Yes, I am insane.

Thanks, Jennifer! I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I often do the same thing when it comes to discussions about family. There are just so many of them, and it just seems so normal for people to speak as if everyone had these same lovely family experiences they did, and it's like "Guess what, some of us didn't!" There have been a couple of times offline when I've had people tell me I should just not get involved in conversations on those topics, because I'm a "downer" and it makes me very angry. The reality doesn't go away just because you don't look at it or speak of it, and I will not be made to feel like I can't talk about my history just because it's not happy. Usually I'm not so bad when it comes to the anger issue anymore, but once in a while it just gets away from me, at the most unexpected times, on the most seemingly simple topics.

Lecanis and Jennifer, I'm with you on this one. Our experiences with our families are part of us and made us what we are. I bear no ill will towards those who abused me and I'm not angry with them or about what happened. In fact, I pity them. It IS, however, a part of my life - a very BIG part of my life. Therefore, it will arise in many conversations. If a person talks of a wonderful parent, can we do other than think and say how thankful they should be? Can we do other than let them know there is another side to the coin?

You know I got to thinking about your post last night after I went to bed, and it hit me why I feel so insane or at least what furthers it for me. It's a double edge sword. I want to vent, I want to share the unfairness I was given as a child, but when I do, there is the backlash of it coming back on me or being treated different (pitied). So it's either let it out and take the risk or keep it bottled up inside until it explodes. I pick bottling it up, then a stranger comes along speaking out of their rear about life using only their small happy go lucky world to sum it up for everyone, and the rage and the need, just erupts. “Don’t sweep me under the rug!” is kind of what if feels like. That’s where the “insanity” comes in at for me. It seems the only time I can say what happened to me is through anger and it’s under unexpected situations. It’s as if my past is now my sword to cut down those that think life is nothing more than gumdrops and butterflies. It really makes me question myself as to how normal am I to do this. Is it I just want to reaffirm people like me are out here and we are not to be forgotten? Or am I in some way attacking those that knew what hell I was in, but stuck their heads in a care bear world rather than acknowledging the ugliness that exists and taking the risk to save me? Is it both these reasons and then some, I have yet to come across? Anyway, your post really opened a can of worms for me as far as really looking inward and trying to understand who I am and why I do the things I do. This is a good thing in my opinion and I just wanted to share a bit of what questions I have to now answer and say thank you. I think these questions I have for myself have been a long time in the making, just needed that little extra something to bring them to my attention. For some reason your discussion has done that, and I deeply appreciate it.

You make perfect sense to me, sunshinecup. There is so much pressure to keep quiet about things that are negative, and yet there are so many of us who have been through so much. I like what you said about scars running deep... just when I think my scars might be getting easier to deal with, there they are again.

You're quite welcome, my friend. I feel that anybody who commits this kind of crime, is as good as killing their victim anyway, or at least their understanding of life, at a very young age. There's no reason why you're feeling this way every once in a while should bother you, as your aggressor instilled that in you as a life lesson. Don't feel bad about it at all; it's perfectly natural. ((((((HUGGGGGGG)))))).

Thanks, Darkwing, I'm sure you're right! I just worry sometimes because I do want to live as positive a life as possible now, and once in a while when I get off track like that it bothers me. But I think you have a point here, that anyone whose been through that and anyone whose child has been through that should feel that way, or has a right to. Thank you. Brightest Blessings to you as well, my friend. =)

Thanks for your vote of confidence, sarahruthbeth! You've always been very kind to me. =) Ohhh I love that quote! I'm going to have to remember that one! =p

Thanks for your vote of confidence, Feona! =) You were right, I think I was triggered somehow, and I'm just not sure what the trigger was at the moment. Thanks! =)

Aw, that is so cool. When I talk about killing with friends they always just shrug and say "Just don't kill me." Those mean b@st@rds.....But I am proud to say that I am crazy *strikes superhero pose* Oh yeah!

I'm sorry to hear that you had to deal with such a thing recently. I'm not so much into the punishment thing myself these days, I've gotten over that, it's more an issue of believing the certain people should die in order not to be allowed to hurt others.

Thanks, ItTakesAllSorts! I feel better now that I know how many other people do this. =P

Hmmm, interesting information, missak! You always teach me something I didn't know, and I appreciate that about you! Thank you!

Yay, a bunch of crazies, woohoo! Or none. Hmmm. =p "No one is above anything".... that's an interesting phrase. I'll have to think on that one. Thanks!