If you were given a chance to go back to your past, what would you change?
July 22, 2007 11:43pm CST
If I've been given that chance, I wouldn't hesitate going back to the time when I had a miscarriage. It was only two months ago. I was only 4 weeks pregnant. If only I can go back to that time, and make things right, I'd be sitting here right now, with a slightly rounded belly. If I can go back, I wish I had discovered much, much earlier that I was already pregnant. I could have gone to the doctor right away for a check-up and be given the right vitamins and certain medications that will ensure my baby would be carried full term. And I would have been more careful with foods that I eat and drink. I could have avoided drinking sodas. If only I have learned sooner, I would, without hesitation, given up my love of coffee. I am a coffee addict. And I would have been more careful with my body. Before I've learned that I was pregnant, I was doing heavy household chores, lifting heavy objects, lifting my son when we play. If only I have learned sooner, then I wouldn't be in this "If only" miserable mind game. If only going back in time is possible, I would be rubbing my belly right now and feel the growing life inside me.
23 Jul 07
I know you're right. Things that happen in our lives serve as a teacher. It teaches us to be more mature and brave and be a more better person. I know I have to accept that I lost my baby but still there are times that I suddenly cry, like right now, as I'm typing this. Sorry. I thought I was over it already but I guess, having a miscarriage even if the baby is still a few weeks old, still hurts so much.
12 Feb 08
Hi my sweet friend..how are you doing? I finally have a little breathing space and can spend some time Mylotting. I have been busy with work and house projects. David and I are re-organizing our home and enjoying it a lot. We also got a new camera to make my photojournalism work better and I've been experimenting with the many features on it. Anyway I wanted to drop by and noticed this discussion at the top of your page even though you posted it 7 months ago and thought I'd comment. As I read this I had great empathy for your sense of loss and regret. You have a wonderful way of taking a reader into your experience and are a good writer because of that ability. It seems you learned a tough life lesson through this experience. I trust that when it is time for you to conceive again you will apply all your learned and do things differently. Now in response to your question...at one time I would have had a long list of things that I would have changed...but now I see that every choice that I made led me to the understanding and awareness I now have. I cannot help but wonder where I would be if I changed my learning curve. Perhaps the ripple effect would alter my soul path and from this vantage point I am reluctant to alter anything about my past in case it would ripple into my NOW. When David and I welcomed in the New Year and celebrated my birthday we had a felt sense that we had arrived at the place we'd been striving for (inwardly). My friend eloquently pointed out..."It is hard to regret anything that led us to this point of awareness and personal development"...and I agree. So I guess I truly am one of those people who can honestly answer your question. "Would I change anything in past? Quite simply "No. I love where I am and all the daunting obstacles I had to overcome to get here. It took awhile for me to be able to own that fact...but it is true. Good topic...glad someone resurrected it! Warm and caring regards...my thoughts are with you and yours and I always think of you with great fondness. Raia
18 Feb 08
hello raia. Sorry if it took me awhile to comment back. You know, despite my miscarriage last year, there were actually 2 blessings that came. Not to me, but to my sister-in-law and my eldest sister. A month after my miscarriage, my sister-in-law found out that she was pregnat. Now, she has a cute baby boy.:) And last month, my sister, after 6 years of waiting for their own child, found out that finally, she's pregnant. She's taking extra precautions though because she's in the high-risk category. My sister is 36 years old and needs a lot of rest to avoid having a miscarriage. You are right. Whatever life's hard lessons I received from that painful experience, it certainly helped me. It made me realize that every step I take should be carefully thought of. You see, when I found out I was pregnant again, I was so overjoyed that I wasn't experiencing the same horrible nausea periods I've had with my firstborn. In short, I wasn't really careful with my body. I just continued with my daily household chores, thinking my baby and I would be just fine. Unfortunately, I was terribly wrong. It was a painful road of learning. But who said, life is easy ...:) I like the way your friend have put it, too. It's the things in our past, may it be bitter or not, that helps us who we are now. And from what you have shared about your life, I don't think you will change anything in your past, too. Glad to have shared something new about ourselves again, Raia. Until next time...
18 Feb 08
this is a good thing adn nice discussion because we are at the stage where we know wat we have done wrong in the past and wat would be better for us. and we some time also think that if we do that or taht in the past then our futere will be more charming than this one. Man is alsways greedy of wealth and other things but i think we have to be contant which we are now. But if i were given a chance then i will do my studies very well because now i have come to know studies are so easy to do. thankls a lot.