Is it really possible to forgive and forget?
By jbb316
@jbb316 (1779)
United States
July 27, 2007 9:51pm CST
I have had to deal with infidelity. It has been a while since it has happened. I have forgiven him but is it possible for me to forget? I am still haunted by thoughts of it. My heart is still broken. Random things that have nothing to do with it will cause my mind to wander back to it and get upset all over. Sometime it will pop into my mind for no reason at all and I will think about what he did to me and how bad it hurt and wander if he will ever do it again. I wish I could just forget about it and get it out of my mind. It would make my life so much easier to forget it ever happened. How do I go on? I have forgiven him and still love him deeply. But it still hurts so much. Will I ever be able to get through it and trust him and believe he will never do it again. How do I know he is sincere in saying he will not do it? How do I get my life back together. I want this to work and us to stay together. I just need to forget it. The months since it has happened he has not given me any reason to believe he is doing anything wrong but I can't help but wonder. The pain is still so fresh and my heart is still broken. I wonder if it will ever completely heal. It is such a pain that I would not wish on anyone. And I know it has changed me forever. And now I feel it is my duty if I find out someone else is being cheated on to tell them. You don't know what it is like until it has happened to you. The pain you go through. Sometimes I think maybe if someone had told me it would have ended up different or maybe not but still I feel I should tell so maybe I can help someone else and maybe spare them some of the pain I went through. Kinda crazy huh? I guess maybe it is some sort of therapy for me.
2 people like this
11 responses
@nikko84111 (368)
• China
29 Jul 07
i feel sorry about that you suffer a lot with it~
i think it depends ~
if you still want to be with him and you don't mean to gei a devoice~
you can try your best to forget it and hoping that he will never do this to you~
but if you feel that you can accept it and you have try your best but you still can not forget it, try to have a conversation with him, and tell him what you think about and your suffering
i hope that i can help u more~
@Willowlady (10658)
• United States
29 Jul 07
You have every right to be hurt. He needs to come clean and be transparent in all he does. If you need to call him off and on all day then he has to allow that and be accountable. You need to have him tested at the doctors since he could have caught a disesase and maybe even aids. Testing for the appropriate period would be a minimum for me. Counseling would also help if you are ready.
You can deal with this and if he is willing it will be a gift for you. I wish you much luck in reclaiming the glory that our lives can be filled with.
@pendragon (3350)
• United States
28 Jul 07
I have known so many dishonest people it's really nearly impossible for me to do wither.I really don't even feel like attempring to, it never makes people change, and if they suffer no consequence, they definitely don't change at all. It's crappy.
@anishjacobm (197)
• India
28 Jul 07
Well 4give u can. But i think it will be impossible to forget. And it isent wise to try- its only going to make thins worse. I guess u will have to learn to live with it.
@myeganda11 (141)
• Philippines
28 Jul 07
Women has a strong feeling when a man is cheating on them. You would feel it really hard that's why you doubt. I don't know, but maybe we are like cats that can sense infidelity and sniffs well to prove it. My friend once told me "once a cheater, always a cheater" get out while you can..
@neilanthonyte123456 (70)
• Philippines
29 Jul 07
Yes it is if you will not use your pride. . .like me I can easily forgive a person. It always depends on your pride.
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
28 Jul 07
Hey there my friend. I do know that feeling all to well. This was years ago that it happened to me. It was before I was married and I couldnt trust this man after I found about it. So I left him. It took me years to get over him because like you I was still inlove with him. I think he will have to earn your trust again. I also think it will take some time. Yes I think maybe some therapy would be good.
@meme0907 (3481)
• United States
28 Jul 07
Hey j316,
I don't think you should forget-we have to learn from our past or else we're doomed to repeat it.I know it hurts-I've been cheated on too. You can work through it & stay together if it's what you both want.The best thing for you to do is talk to him about the way it made you feel when he did it & how much your still hurting.Your family is in my prayers.
+'s
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
28 Jul 07
I too have a real problem with forgetting after I have forgiven someone. I personally think it is a form of protective mechanism we have just we can be alert and not let it happen again. If it does happen again then it is the person who did the deed who is out of my life and permanently forgotten.
@youdontsay (3497)
• United States
28 Jul 07
I've been there. My ex- was unfaithful. It shatters our innocense to discover that our beloved has broken their promises.
The pain will diminish, like any wound it must heal clear through. But it does take time and a conscious effort of repeatedly letting it go. As you are experiencing, the forgiving must be done in your heart over and over until you are finally done with it.
As for broken trust, that isn't mended easily. You now know what is possible and you will be considering that each time you are faced with trusting him. Trust is earned over time, but you only hurt yourself unnecessarily when you relive the pain in your mind over and over. He will earn your trust by his faithfulnees from now forward, but you are not exactly starting over. You started with faith in his promises to you. But when that promise was broken your faith was shattered as well.
If you are both working on healing the hurt you can then increase your faith in him. And it will take time.
Will it ever be the same? Probably not. But it can be even better when you have worked through the problems and grown from them.
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
28 Jul 07
I am sorry the unfortunate happen. In my opinion, it is not easy to forgive and forget. However, time will heal. It takes me years to get over a relationship. At times, the pain does come back, but nevertheless, it goes away as fast as it comes if I do not dwell into it. Acknowledge it and let it go. Perhaps that helps. I was taught to practice loving kindness, ie. wish him well. If you can do it calmly and peacefully, it indicates you have forgiven and forgotten. May you be well and happy.
