coping with loss
losing a baby
Has your spouse or boyfriend ever blamed you for a miscarriage?
July 28, 2007 11:19am CST
I was reading an article online recently about a couple who had just gone through a devastating miscarriage. The miscarriage had affected their entire relationship. Everything the couple had done or felt before and during the pregnancy was now in question and there was a lot of finger pointing. The woman said that she was pretty sure her boyfriend blamed her for the miscarriage. But, I don't know if he really did or if it was just his way of grieving for the lost baby. Still, it seemed very insensitive to me. Both people were grieving. Why should he be the only one that was allowed to show his pain? She said that he didn't want to be intimate anymore or even give her a hug. After reading the article it made me scared that something similar might happen to me. I'm not planning on getting pregnant anytime soon, but if it were to happen and we lost the baby, would it mean the end of my marrige? It's a very scary thought. Loss and death can bring up so many unpredictable emotions in men. I just don't know how I would cope if he blamed me for something like that. Has this ever happened to you? Has your spouse or boyfriend ever blamed you for a miscarriage? Do you think it's just a guy's way of coping with loss or just sheer spite?
• United Kingdom
28 Jul 07
Luckily I have not ever had a miscarriage. I imagine that it must be so very upsetting indeed. The lady suffers very much and the man can suffer too. One minute she is pregnant the next moment she begins bleeding. Then she rests but still loses her baby. The lady wonders what she did wrong but it was probably nothing at all. Nature can be most unkind sometimes. One of my friends was pregnant and was at that time engaged to be married. Then she suffered a miscarriage. She was in a hospital bed when her man told her that he blamed her for the miscarriage! He said that he would not bother to marry her because of this. They did get married a few years later. Then they successfully had two daughters.
• United States
28 Jul 07
Sometimes I think men do not even think twice before being cruel like that. Generally speaking, guys don't want to be disrespected or mistreated, but they don't mind doing the same to their female counterparts. I am happy that things worked out for your friend. But, sad that she lost her baby. Very sad!
29 Jul 07
Dear beautyqueen26, Miscarriage is a natural things as far as I am concerned. Neither of the partners responsible for this miscarriage. There is no point in blaming each other for this natural phenomenon. For miscarriage in no way human being is responsible. Miscarriage happens due to various reasons unknown to both the partners. When the situation is such why they should blame each other.
29 Jul 07
Hmm if i recall right from what i have studied, miscarriage happens bacause of diffrent factors, usually and most of the times due to anatomical causes. But emotions also play a factor in a miscarriage, so thats why the spouse/boyfriend should always be at your side for support. And as i see it, the spouse/boyfriend should not balme the woman for the event, hey nobody wanted that to happen anyway right? so why should he blame you? saty cool ma'am! =)
• United States
29 Jul 07
It's sad that some people feel that way, but there are definitely people out there that do. I had a good friend in college who had a miscarriage. She was married to a guy that was a jerk anyway, but he left her when she lost the baby. He said she did too much and didn't want the baby anyway. The thing was, before she lost the baby, he was always on her case saying she didn't do enough around their house. She was going to college full time, and working around 30 hours a week. He wanted her to keep their house spotless, too. Even though he was only working a regular full time job, and not going to school or anything. He still didn't want to have to help any. And then he got mad when she lost the baby and blamed it totally on her. It's so sad that he was such a jerk. Luckily, after he left, he tried to come back, but she told him NO! She found a guy that treated her better, and last I heard they were engaged and thinking about trying to start a family.