HELP! My sisters wanna take me out for my birthday and I don't wanna go!

Blah! Birthdays... - I am NOT into birthdays!
@wotfpatty (2068)
United States
August 10, 2007 4:58am CST
My birthday is August 16. I never really liked celebrating my birthday but it is worse now because I used to share my birthday with my Mom whose birthday was August 15 and my Dad whose birthday was August 9. Mom passed away 10 years ago and it was just me and Dad. Dad passed away last year. It's a hollow day for me now. Plus holy OLDNESS!! (I will be 43. myLot already changed my age. Sheesh!) Anyway, my sisters INSIST that I go out with them to a restaurant for dinner, gifts and all that, then to a bar or something. As much as I appreciate that they care about me and want to celebrate my birthday, I don't want to go. I am just not in the mood to do all that plus neither of them have much money right now and I don't want to burden them by spending cash on meals and all that when I don't even want to be there. But how do I say no without hurting their feelings? Or should I go and grit my teeth to make them feel better? They know how I am and they know I am not thrilled with any birthday stuff but, because I have worked so much lately, they want to get me out and I so love them for that. But I don't wanna go! What would you do? HELP!
3 people like this
18 responses
@squaretile (3833)
• Singapore
10 Aug 07
oh dear... have you considered that you might feel better after you go out with them and get your mind off work? all work and no play makes jill a dull girl you know. :) from your reasons i can see why you are not in the mood to celebrate. perhaps you can hint at that to them, and if they are your sisters and grew up with you then they will understand your reasons for it and afterall, I'm sure they want you to be happy during your birthday! how about just suggesting that they go over to your place, or you go over to their place and just spend a homey evening eating pizza and chilling out, which shouldn't cost as much? in any case, a great big happy birthday to you and a huge hug.
2 people like this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Thank you! I told my sisters I would go but ONLY if I could pay for half the bill at dinner. After all, they are bringing gifts and I am in a better financial place than they are (Not great but better). I'll probably have fun!
2 people like this
13 Aug 07
On 2nd thought patty, this one is a much better idea for me. what was i thinking...:P.. cheers..!
1 person likes this
@Se7enth (170)
• United States
10 Aug 07
Your sisters are stubborn. It's runs in the family and they are right, you do work too much. Way too much and you know it. I know August is a bad month for you but as long as I have known you, you never want to go out and it's not just because of this. Go out. Try to enjoy yourself. You just might have a good time. You can always head home early if it's not going well. BTW Mom and Dad have both pasted on but why lose more time that you could spend with the rest of your family? You came close to losing one sister this past year. Don't end up regretting time you could have spent. 7
1 person likes this
@Se7enth (170)
• United States
10 Aug 07
P.S. A hatbox is in the mail.
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@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
You are, as usual, right. I need to go and just chill out. I did almost lose my sister and I should be ashamed of myself for feeling sad when they care so much about me. But I can't make them pay. I will figure out something. And No hat boxes. I still have LAST YEAR'S stuff here. Somewhere. For you. I am so unorganized but I am getting, uh, better..... Hugs
1 person likes this
@Se7enth (170)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Well I'm not the type to keep a hatbox and you already know what's coming so chill out and let me fix what I screwed up last year. hugs
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@vega83 (6346)
• Bahrain
11 Aug 07
Wow, a freakish coincidence, one of my sisters birthdays is also on the 16th of this month. Good you posted this up, now I remember. Well, I would say, go celebrate with them. Well, I understand that your parents are not here anymore, but there's no reason why you still cannot celebrate their life. I'm sure they would want you to celebrate your special day too. It's sweet that you don't want to burden them with spending extra cash on you, but that can easily be taken care of. Well you could treat them, me and friends do it all the time. I mean come on, they are your sisters, so you could totally be honest with them and tell them that you'd treat them instead. Or you could all just do something that doesn't cost much at all. I mean there are things out there that are much more fun than eating out and going for drinks. Hm, 43, huh, well, why don't you make your own birthday plans and tag your sisters along yourself. You could try something totally different, something adventurous, something you or your sisters have never done before, like bunjee jumping or something like that, you could tell them that you are going to celebrate your birthday in your own style this time, and make it a surprise for them instead. It will be so much fun and it won't hurt their feelings either. After all, the whole point is that you get to spend some quality time with them, since they care so much, and they don't have to break the bank either. It would be bad not to celebrate. Come on, it's your birthday.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Yikes! Bungee jumping at my advanced age? lol. I am going to go with them wherever they want but am paying half and the tip. They don't know that but I will take care of that then. I would try to pay it all but they would be mad at me and we don't need that. After, if we feel like going out, we will. To be honest, it is usually ME who wants to stay out once I get out and they will probably want to go home. Ha It has been ages since I have gone anywhere or done anything and I may want to stay out all night! I think it will be fun. Now I can stress over what to wear. It never ends. Haha. Thanks so much for the reply!
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6346)
• Bahrain
12 Aug 07
You're welcome. And come on, of course 43 is so young, you can definitely go bungee jumping! Ha ha. Well have fun on your birthday, life is short, enjoy it to the fullest.
@MikeMe (100)
• United States
10 Aug 07
Humor them. It's not like they are asking you to murder someone. :) Sometimes the best way to show people who love you that you love them back is to do something you really, really don't want to do. I bet it will make you feel better, even if you don't enjoy the evening, which, you probably will. A gracious person accepts gifts given out of love, even if it's a white elephant or a life time pass to the Nixon Museum! I understand why you feel the way you do. From experience I've found that doing those things you don't want to do because they are tied to a loved one who has passed often helps take some of the sting away. Not to mention your mom and dad would probably hate the fact you aren't enjoying something because of them.
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
You are right. My older sister went through a terrible time not so long ag and I was scared I was going to lose her. Laurie and I are are so close. I don't know what was going through my head. Selfishness, I think. I wanted to sulk. But we will go and celebrate our parents' birthdays together. If they drag me to a karaoke bar, I'm blaming you. Hahaha.
2 people like this
@MikeMe (100)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Sing "The Devil Went Down the Georgia" for me!!!! ;P
1 person likes this
@wonderful1 (2076)
• China
12 Aug 07
why don't like go out for your birthday? I often celebrate my birthday with my parents or my partner, and I often celebrate it at home, but it doesn't mean that I don't like celebrate it outside. It is a different feeling to celebrate it outside. You can have a try. If you really don't want to go outside, you can tell your sisters directly.
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Oh, I guess I just felt bad about my dad being gone this year. I think I kind of feel guilty that I am here to celebrate my birthday and both my parents who had August birthdays aren't here now. But I am going to go and enjoy my sisters' company. Thanks so much for the reply.
• Malaysia
11 Aug 07
happy birthday - happy birthday to you!
well, i think you should go..your sisters are so excited about your birthday, and i would be thrilled if someone had planned out the activities that we're gonna do in order to celebrate me! perhaps this is the time for some sisterly bonding, and after all, it's just for one night, it can't be that bad! but of course, the choice is entirely up to you:) ..anyway, just wanna wish you a very happy birthday (in advance)..wishing you the very best on your birthday and hope that you have an awesome one, no matter how you celebrate it. take care and don't forget to make a nice birthday wish!^___^
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Thanks for the happy birthday! I am going to go and you are right. Some people don't have others who care for them enough to want to take their time to go to dinner and buy gifts for and all that. I am very lucky and I shouldn't be sulking. I talked to my sisters and we agreed to go to eat and then take it from there. If, after dinner, we want to do more, we will. Otherwise, we will have had a nice family dinner and a lot of laughs I am sure. Thanks for your reply. :)
11 Aug 07
Life is all about compromises. At times U have to do something just to please others. In your case, the others I am referring to are your own sisters. U have to celebrate your birthday without you being much interested in celebrating. I guess you should go ahead with your sisters and have fun. Who knows probably U might just end up enjoying your birthday. I am sure you will also be pleased to see a smile on your sisters face. Age absolutely does not matter. You will be 43, next year you will be 44 and that will continue. I am sure your heart is young. So Have a nice time. Birthday wishes from me.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Thank you! I am going and I will have fun. It's just getting me out that is the tough part. I want to be with my sisters and enjoy my birthday and I will do my best to do just that. Thanks for replying!
@jbrooks0127 (2326)
• United States
10 Aug 07
Well first of all in spite of what you think you are still quite young. *smile* I can barely remember when I was 43. Of course I am finding I can barely remember anything but that is not the point. LOL But I do remember that I was in the best physical condition of my life then. I ran three miles a day and played soccer. Okay I played soccer slowly but I tried. *smile* So forget this getting old stuff. You are at the prime of your life girl. I kidd you not. Your old enough to know better and young enough to do something about it. So ask yourself why you really don't want to do this. Is it because you are afraid they will make a point of your age? Don't you like to party anymore? Don't let the loss of your mother and father keep you from living your life and enjoying it for all you can. Their passing was always to be.....we never get out of life alive. So look at this as "Wow I am only 43....I think I will really enjoy this". You have a lot more to enjoy ahead of you and remember this....life has a way of surprising you. Your sisters may not be there for the next one. They may move..get married...or a lot of things that make people move on. Or you may too. Please enjoy their attention now and remember you are a long ways from being old. You are a very lovely woman so enjoy it for all it's worth.
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
LOL, I love your style. I am going to go. I discussed it with my sisters and I think i was just sulking. I haven't been out much at all and I think I was a bit nervous about getting back out in public or something. I am not worried about the age thing. My older sister is much older than I am and she is amazing. They aren't the type to poke fun of age. In fact, they are loving, generous sisters who care about me and know I have been an introvert lately and want to get me the heck out of here and I am going to go! And show people that women of my advanced age can still look hot. lol. Thank you so much for your kind words. I need to get out of my rut and LIVE. It is a short life and I am wasting it by making excuses not to get out and have fun. August 16, here I come. Ha!
• Canada
10 Aug 07
Okay Patty, this time you are gonna have to grin and bare it. Sounds to me like you all need to do this. So do it for each other! You can how ever just like someone mentioned pay for you own dinner if you feel money is an issue. That is perfectly fine to do. Don't let them know a head of time but after dinner just make it clear you are paying for your own dinner, they bought you gifts and they do not need to buy you dinner too, so let's just go and have a good time with ever we are doing next. I did say exactly that to my friends a few years back on a birthday outing and after the jaw drop and I finished what I was saying they agreed. I think it relieved some pressure and we had a great time. Now can we clear up the matter of your name.. is it suppose to be wolfpatty? :)
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@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
You got it right. My name is Patty. The wotf stands for my website. Anyway, I have decided to go and just enjoy the evening. They know I am a little leery about it but once we get out and start talking and things, it will be fine. They want to do this for me and I appreciate that they do. It would hurt them if I just blew them off and I don't want to do that. I will pay half the bill though because they really are having tough times. Now, whatever shall I wear?? :) Thanks for the reply!
@GardenGerty (99389)
• United States
10 Aug 07
Okay, I am a person who has had a few losses and some bad happenings on my birthday as well, and I am also an August birthday. Is there an alternative to what they are planning, that you would enjoy? For me, it would be something like going to a museum, or to my favorite nursery and garden shop, just to look. Or going for a picnic to the lake. Something less expensive. My mom got rather reclusive, and one year we just set up a breakfast bar for her at home, and the family came and went.Let them have something for you at their home, or at yours, and be with them while you can. They are still with you, and share your memories of your mom and dad.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Happy August Birthday! I talked to my sisters and they understood but I decided to go and just enjoy my family. It is getting smaller with the loss now of my dad and they are really all I have besides my hubby and kids so I am going to cherish the time I have with them. They are happy I said OK and I feel better about going because I didn't want to let them down. Thanks for your reply.
1 person likes this
@Rickrocks8 (1751)
• United States
10 Aug 07
Well let me start by giving you a warm welcomr to mylot! I think they just really want to be with you on your birthday maybe you could ask if they just tone it down a little bit. Ask if maybe it could just be a small dinner at home. Everyone could bring somethng to eat so it isn't all on one person. You could also let them know that money is tight right now. Everyone should be able to understand that! I'm sure thay know what this day had meant to you in the past, and they know it must be hard on you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sounds like they just want you to feel loved above all. You just need to talk to them tell them what you want. But if they want to spend time with you......you should really try and give of your self because they love you! Best of luck!
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Thank you for the welcome :) I talked to my sisters and I am going to pay half. We'll have fun. I just need to stop sulking and GO! They do love me and I cherish that. Thanks for replying.
1 person likes this
• China
10 Aug 07
First ,happy birthday to you!It happens my nephew's birthday is August 13. Your problem is a real hot potato. I am sorry to hear that your parents passed away.So while your birthday is approaching,you are sure to think about your parents---- happy memory with them. My advice is that you can tell your sisters what you really want.They love you,so they will understand you. Then you choose another day when you are in your good mood to make up for it. OK?I hope you will like my advice.
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@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Thank you for your reply. I did explain my feelings and they understood but I decided to go and enjoy being with people who love me. I can't sulk forever and I am lucky to have sisters who care. :)
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@singlepixel (2743)
10 Aug 07
wow wotfpatty! you got one heck of a dilemma here. since you're such a considerate sister (money problem on the other side), i'd go with one condition! Let me pay at least half!..lol...(seriously..) because celebrating together with your own family like this is more meaningful rather than with other friends(i think). (we'll never know it could be the last :(....) After all, you've got nothing to lose even if you pay the whole thing since they're such a wonderful family.. i'd go....anyway, good luck to whatever decision you might make.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
My family is very meaningful. I guess I was being selfish. I should be grateful that my sisters care about me the way they do. I guess I will go. :)
2 people like this
@tsgirl01 (900)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Perhaps you can ask them to come to your home and celebrate quietly? Ask them to please respect your wishes for a quiet birthday. I am sorry for your losses and wish you a very "Peaceful,Happy Birthday!" Take care and remember that you must take care of you, no one else can do that for you...Bless you...
• United States
15 Aug 07
I'm so glad someone said this! My first thought when I read this post, Patty, is that it's your special day and it should be spent doing what you want to do, and what you are comfortable with. I agree that it is important to spend time with your family and sisters. After this crazy year I've had I know how it is to almost lose my dad and can only partially understand the pain of this day being so near to that of your parents' birthdays. You do need to cherish the moments you have with what family you have left, but perhaps you could do something quiet at home that makes you more comfortable. Whatever you decide to do I hope you have a wonderful birthday and many, MANY happy returns of the day. Honor the memories of your parents and embrace life. :)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Hello from the southeast end of Spitzerland (formerly known as Patakiland). Well, my birthday is on the 25th, so our birthdays are kind of close. If anything, it is clear that you & your sisters are still close friends, & not just family. Your best bet is to let them know how you actually feel. They may find some way to cheer you up & make you feel better. I'm also thinking that if they are still insistant, & with knowing this, they will find some way to actually make you glad that you celebrated by the time it's all over. Lastly, maybe I'm showing my age myself? You're not old. Also, if that avatar is a recent pic of you, you still have the ability to make guys find themselves prying their eyeballs off their computer monitors to try to put them back into their heads.
• United States
13 Aug 07
Well - here's the countdown - 3 days to your birthday. Either way, try not to party so hearty that it turns into a barfday.
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
11 Aug 07
Since its your birthday I would just be honest with her. Then you might suggest getting together with her some other time for lunch or something .
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Thanks. I actually did discuss things and I am going to go. We decided we will go to dinner and take it from there. If we want to go somewhere else, we will, otherwise, we'll just enjoy dinner and catching up. I don't know why I was so negative about things but I am feeling much more positive now.:)
• Pakistan
10 Aug 07
if you ll go with her she will be happy and youll also feel fresh but if you dont wanna go then say that u have got fever n headache start this acting from morning so that she wont force you to go
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
12 Aug 07
They know my excuses all too well. lol. I am going to go and enjoy the time I spend with them. Thanks so much for replying.
1 person likes this
@MyoanBiz (140)
• United States
17 Aug 07
Don't really know what to tell ya, but whatever you decide to do, just have a good time doing it. You never know what might happen before your next one. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to YOU!!!