When a guy leaves, do you blame yourself?

United States
August 11, 2007 10:49pm CST
Years ago, one of my best friends was dumped by her man in the worst possible ways. I think they were having problems for a long time and just didn't want to admit it to anyone. It was devastating. But, to hear her tell the story, it was all his fault. And, most often than not, she would come up with a list of things that was wrong with the guy and why she was glad that he left. Personally, I could never imagine being glad if my spouse left me. That's just me, though. And, I am sure that if he left I would feel a wide range of emotions from hurt and betrayal to denial and anger. And, of course, I am sure that there would be plenty of finger pointing and guilt to go around. Ultmiately, I know that I would probably blame myself. Not sure why. I just think I would. So, who do you blame when a relationship goes sour? Do you end up blaming yourself or the other person? Do you end up rehashing the events of the previous months in your head trying to figure out where things went wrong?
4 people like this
4 responses
Shaunee
@Shaun72 (15959)
• Palatka, Florida
12 Aug 07
Well when my ex husband left me at first I blamed myself untill I got to thinking it was a little bit of both of us. Except he cheated on me and I never did but this is beside the point. I at first did blame myself though for a good while.
1 person likes this
beautyqueen26
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
13 Aug 07
Oh, well, he cheated on you! So, he's the bad guy. Not you! Totally not you. I have no idea what is in a guys mind when they do stuff like that.
gmakesmoney
@gmakesmoney (2923)
• United States
14 Aug 07
When a relationship goes wrong I always feel better two ways. First is friends, margarita and chocolate nights. Then I evaluate the relationship and usually see that it was either just not a right fit for either of us or that we both contributed to the demise of the relationship. And always I consider the fact that at least I still have my cat, I know that sounds sad but she means more to me then every man I've ever dated and I'd rather have her furry little self then some big hairy moron.
maddysmommy
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
14 Aug 07
No I don't - I have been in a few relationships and most of them have finished because we both agreed to it i.e. age was a factor, my first love had signed up with the army before we met and was relocated, distance made us grow apart, the other two were just a few months having fun and then we moved on LOL the hardeest one was when i was in a 7 yr relationship and I gave it up because we were no longer on the same page, I wanted to settle and have a family and he wasn't ready, when I chose to leave him he suddenly changed his mind, by then it was too late, i had already left the relationship mentally and physically. Such is life, I think it was meant to happen or else I would not have met my wonderful husband I am married to now. I am soo soo happy!
breepeace
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
12 Aug 07
Some people cope with being left by thinking of a list of reasons that person sucked to help themselves feel better. It's rational. If someone dumps you, your first reaction is "Why Me? Was I not good enough? Did they not love me enough?" so by justifying that that person is the one in the wrong, you can re-gather your self esteem and move on.