How do get over betrayal?
By babyangie27
@babyangie27 (5176)
United States
August 18, 2007 12:35pm CST
I am so mad and confused right now. I "had" a close friend who I have know for years(I started a discussion called "Time to end the friendship" you can read the background story there.)
We are not speaking right now,well I was tring to deal with what she had done to me and then my best friend told me about something and I am trully hurt. Here is what I have learned about my so called friend,I had a birthday party for my step-son,I hadn't eaten all day and when it was time to eat I had 2 hamburgers and a hot dog(yes I have a weight problem and always have)well my B.F told me my so called friend and her 16 year old step-daughter said"and she wonders why she is so fat,look at the way she is eating,don't you think that is wrong"my B.F. told them"she hasn't eaten all day leave her be". My B.F. said they both gave her dirty looks and starting talking about how big I was.
Neither my ex-friend nor her step-daughter are skinny,how could someone who is supposed to be my friend talk about me that way? When me and my hubby were doing well money wise I bought her and her family food,gave them gas and ciggerette money and bought them parts for their car! Then when my hubby lost his job they moved out(they lived next door to me).
How do I move on? How do I deal with this hurt I feel? I can't sleep at night because I just can't understand what I did to deserve this.
Help!
4 people like this
14 responses
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
18 Aug 07
Sounds like your friend is a user. You ran out of use for her. Been there done that. You have done nothing to deserve this treatment. If it were me, I'd just stomp her and make myself feel better that way, but you seem to be meeker than that.
Hold your head high and know that you did right by a bad person. Her attitude can't be helped. Pity the step-daughter, she obviously is being taught wrong and is following by her step-mother's example.
Sending you hugs. You sound like you need them.
2 people like this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
18 Aug 07
Thank you so much,I know I can't change her I guess I should have known this would happen she has done some nasty stuff to me in the past,but I forgave her and kept tring.
1 person likes this
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
18 Aug 07
I agree. She wasn't a real friend after all, just a parasite. Her true colors showed when she couldn't get anything from you anymore. That's a truly pathetic person. Be thankful she's out of your life.
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
18 Aug 07
My dear friend,
You are not at fault here...you are punishing yourself and that does not damage your so-called best friend...it punishes you and your family...
Sweetie,
I love you and you know that...you did not deserve this type of treatment and are really quite forunate to find out what type of person she is without getting hurt worse than some rude remarks which reflected badly on HER not YOU!!!
She does not deserve to have a friend like you and you need to move on...there are many people who care about you and do not sit in judgement....the pain you are feeling is real and I do not mean to make light of it...
If you need to talk...I am here..
Tina
2 people like this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
18 Aug 07
Thank you,I look forward to every response you post. You make me feel so much better. I know you have been going through so much but yet you are always there for other's. that is how a freidn is supossed to be,not the way she has treated me.
I love you too,I feel this bond with you like I have know you my hole life, funny huh?
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
21 Aug 07
I would just wash my hands of these people. Some are givers and some are takers. They are only good to you, when they need some thing. I know that you have gotten burnt and they were very cruel. But people like that you don't need.
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
21 Aug 07
So true,I am done with them and my hubby is too,it is just sad to see two long time friendships go down the drain,But I don't need or want this kind of thing in my life anymore.
Thanks
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
18 Aug 07
I had a "friend" like that as well. You did nothing to deserve that type of treatment. Just think of it this way, you know her true colors now and she has to work harder to con someone else to be her friend. You are so much better off. Do'nt feel guilty or unloved. So what that she said that mess. the only reason she is saying that is because she is jealous of your happiness and she was just trying to make you miserable right along with her. You know that old saying misery loves company, well it does and as long as you allow that girl to control your emotions like that the more she wins. So, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and be proud of who you are. You have a husband who loves you and I am sure you have a wonderful family too. Concentrate on that and let time take it's course. It does get easier with time. Take care and I hope you can overcome this.
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
19 Aug 07
No, you were not the one who threw away the friendship. She did. So, your not missing out on anything, she is. Just keep your chin up and don't let that old heifer bother you anymore! When you do see her always smile and act like your on top of the world, that will make her just chomp at the bit!
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
19 Aug 07
Thank you,your words ring so true. I have cut all ties with her and I am taking care of myself and family.
I do have another good friend who has always been there for me and I know with her I really don't need people like that in my life anymore.
I am a good person no matter what my size or finincial statis is.
Just needed to know that i wasn't the one you threw away the friendship.
I do hope the best for you as well,thanks again.
1 person likes this
@applecartronnie (1984)
• India
19 Aug 07
know that you will have your day and you will forgive. forgive.
apple.
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
19 Aug 07
I have forgiven her but that doesn't mean she won't get hers in the end as well.
@applecartronnie (1984)
• India
20 Aug 07
right. the universal law says the offender gets it back.
love, apple.
1 person likes this
@melody08 (36)
• Philippines
19 Aug 07
It just happened to me. It just that sometimes we think that are true friends are true to us. But later we'll found out that they're just bunch of jerk.People that are not happy to see other people happy. Maybe your so called friend is just envy that your bf loved you whatever and whoever you are. She cannot just accept the fact that she's a loser. Just an advice for you, talk to her and tell her in front of her face that it's over. Why does she being mean on you. That you have not done anything wrong to treat you that way. That she would be thankful that you were there when she need someone to turn to. That she should show gratitude that you're her most loyal and ever trusted friend. And that now for what she did she deserve someone like you. She could have wealth in this world, beauty. But she will no longer have true friend.
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
19 Aug 07
You are right,I think I was a very good friend to her,but I never got that in return from her.
I will tell her just how it is,and I hope the next friend she gets she doesn't do this too.
People don't deserve to have friends who don't take them as they are.
1 person likes this
@melody08 (36)
• Philippines
20 Aug 07
the bible says "Do not do unto others what you do not want others do unto you". Because your a good friend God will repay you and you will find a good friend that really deserves you. But for your so called friend she will find someone like her and someone that will betray her as what she did to you
1 person likes this
@TheCatzMeow1 (579)
• United States
19 Aug 07
Shame on her and her daughter! Honey, with friends like that you don't need any enemies! It's hard to move on and fill that hole in your heart. It's gonna hurt for a bit. You will be able to move on some day but it's going to make it a bit harder for you to trust a friendship with someone in the future. You don't deserve this. Never forget that. I wish you the best pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
19 Aug 07
Oh you are so kind. And you are so right. I know it will not be easy but I know I will be ok,I need to make a change in my life and getting rid of people who put me down is at the top of my list.
I hope the best for you as well.
@Shaun72 (15959)
• Palatka, Florida
19 Aug 07
I would be angry also. If one of my friends said something about me behind my back. I have a weight problem myself so I understand how you feel. It sounds to me like maybe she wants to make herself feel better. You don't need friends like this.I have had old friends that have done this same thing to me. I am so sorry your friend did this.
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
19 Aug 07
I think the fact that you are making such a big deal out of it is not only about what they said... but also because you know that they are partly right... and that you are feeling guilty about your weight.
Their only sin was to state the obvious.
You obviously don't want to hear about the obvious as you prefer to live in denial.
The fact is that people with a normal weight would not be able to eat two hamburgers and a hot dog. The reason you can do that is because you have trained your stomach to absorb that much.
Eating is like smoking for many people. It becomes an addiction.
At the end of the day... their comments only reflected their concern for your health. There was nothing malicious about it. If you choose to be offended about it... this has nothing to do with them... but more with you.
A good friend should be concern about your weight... rather than encourage you to eat more. Rather than ending the friendship... you should thanks them for opening your eyes to the fact that you have a weight problem and enlist them to give you moral support to start losing weight.
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
19 Aug 07
Oh please give me a break,you of course must be stuck in some kind of warped world! I am ok with my weight and as far as eating as much as I did that day,well buzz off. I hadn't eaten all day,and I am not in denial,thank you very much,but I am not going to let a freind talk crap about me behind my back,if she would have said something to my face then she would have beening acting like she had consern for me,but saying it behind my back was malicious!
And a "noraml" person certainly could eat that much,I didn't eat that all in one setting I had that much over a 2 and 1/2 hour period.
And I will never thank her you are so off here.
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
19 Aug 07
Some people just don't think before they speak. You can't let what someone, friend or not, says behind your back effect your life. You know you have a weight problem and you will deal with that in your time - a true friend will help and encourage you. A true friend would have come to you that day and said, "Are you feeling ok?" when they noticed your eating a lot in their book. A true friend would have known you hadn't eaten all day.... I could go on but am guessing you get the point. True friends help not hurt you....
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
19 Aug 07
Yes I get your point,usually when people say something about me it doesn't bother me,but when this person is almost as big as me,that makes me mad and hurts too.
And you are right friends help not hurt,so I guess she hasn't been a friend for years now I just kept letting her use me.
I know better now.Thanks
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
18 Aug 07
You did nothing nor do you have a reason to feel bad. If they relly were your friend they wouldn't say anything about you in a negative way. If they had somthing to say to you it should be possitive and to your face not negative and behind your back. Real friends don't care how much you weigh or were you live or how much money you have. they love you for who you are and they way you treat them. So don't feel bad becouse she wasn't your friend after all and you don't need her.
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
18 Aug 07
Yes I guess you are right,I just can't understand how someone could do that,we have been "friends" for 14 years! But I must move on, I just hate to know my little girl will no longer have her little girl to play with,my daughter has special needs and it is not easy for her to make friends,but I guess we will have to deal with it.
Thanks I needed to hear that.
@moksalot (61)
• Indonesia
19 Aug 07
well that's life
what you can do right now is that just let this problem go away
don't let yourself become stressful just because of that problem
and when are you going to be like this with your friend?
until when
jsut try to learn to forgive your friend
we jsut human
we made mistakes
just give chance
have a nice day
gbu
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
19 Aug 07
That's the thing though I have given her tons of chances and she just keeps doing the same thing to me over and over again. I do forgive her but I can't let her be a part of my life anymore.
I just can't have someone like that as a friend.
@jay_jana2000 (7)
• India
19 Aug 07
Hi ,betrayals are the worst part of life.that too the person we believe betrays then we get irritated.i have that experience with my friend.the friend was so friendly that I almost believed very much.But at times that friend was very selfish and started to irritate me.That friend cut my friendship and went .It took many months for me to get rid of all nonsence.HAVE FAITH IN GOD AND HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE.This will help u a lot.dont worry of ur weight.keep working on it with exercise and proper diet.people are always changing .so have faith in god and u can overcome betrayals and know wat is right.
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
19 Aug 07
I have lost alot of weight over the last year but I know I still need some more work.
Thanks for your kind word and I know my faith in God will bring me though this.
I just needed to have my eyes open and to know that I was doing the right thing by taking her out of my life.
I believe in second chances but I think she used up all hers.
@sharkzbr (21)
• Brazil
19 Aug 07
That is one reason that i only trust in my family ( not cousins , uncles ... but mom , daddy, granpa ) , i think real friends is really difficulty to find ... but you should not think about she said ... because you are better then her ... so you can't let this thing make you down ... think positive ... go ahead with your life ... and if one day she tries an approach you just say her that she betraid you once so you don't need another one ... turn your back to her an leave ...
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
19 Aug 07
Well i tend to trust everyone,I have cut all ties with this person though,thanks.
