What would you do with your mother IF
August 20, 2007 3:49pm CST
Ok so to start with let me say i am looking for as many peoples views as possible on this but please read the whole thing to get a good grasp of what is going on. About 16 months ago my father passed away, after around 3 months we thought that it would be a good idea if we took my mother on holiday to florida get her away from everything and forget about everything for 2 weeks, Boy was i wrong. The people who went were me, my partner and her 3 kids and my mother, now it might be a good idea to mention my mother has heart problems and so went on the holiday without insurance which put me a little on edge with florida being so hot and everything. a few days into the holiday we went up to universal studios and after just a short walk my mother had to use her puffer as she had chest pain i asked her to sit down for a few minutes to let the pain subside ( i didn't want her dropping down or anything as we would have been stuck ) but she refused so i very sternly pointed to a seat and said sit there for 5 minutes because we're not moving until you have, well that was the start of it. My mother took my actions and what i said in the wrong way and for the next two weeks she made the holiday hell, now for me my partner and 2 of her kids we had been to florida before butmy partners son lives with his dad in spain so he couldn't come with us the first time so this was his first time to florida and she spoilt it for him as well. During the rest of the time we spent there i had numerous arguments with my mother, she took everything in the wrong way and then came an incident one day when we were getting into the car from the villa everyone was in the car except me and my mother as i was locking up the villa and my partner had told her daughter to get into the car so she did as her mum had asked then out strolls my mother and says to her " oi out the car i'm sitting there " (now this was because my partners youngest son is severly disabled and my mother has some delusion that she is the only one who can sit next to him or talk to him etc etc) so my partners daughter turned round and said my mum told me to sit here ( which she did ) to which my mother just said i don't care out so then i emerged from the villa only to see my mother stomping off back towards it, i asked my partner what had happened and was told the above, so i had to go and have a 10 minute talk with my mother which ended with her not coming with us anyway. After that there were several more arguments in the villa which my mother started with me mostly about my partners youngest for instance she didn't like me or my partner being in the room when she was sat with him ( i am always around when anyone is with my partners son because i'm the only one strong enough to control him in a way which doesn't hurt him but he can hurt someone just as easily as someone can hurt him so i make sure i am around so no one is hurt ) then i had an agrgument because she had gone into him on morning and started to feed him chocolate without coming and asking either me or my partner ( one of the problems he suffers from is protien intollerance which if he has too much it can affect his liver so we have to restrict his intake of it ) so of course the argument starts because we won't let her do anything with him and now she won't do anything with him / talk to him / nothing with him. This all carried on for the duration of the holiday with various other things happening but basicly it was a nightmare holiday. Then after we came home all hell broke loose again and i tried to patch things up things were said on both sides and i tried my hardest to patch things up and put things right my mother appologised to me and my partner and wrote my partner daughter a letter to appologise only in this letter she had appologised for saying " i'm glad your not my real granddaughter " now we never knew that she had said this too her on the holiday as she had kept it to her self, when we asked her why she said because she didn't want to start any more arguments ( which me and my partner find wrong that a 14 year old girl should have to be afraid of speaking out when something so nasty had been said to her ) so when my partners daughter went to stay with her dad in spain we tried to bring the topic up with my mother over dinner that my partners daughter wasn't ready to forgive her for what she said to her ( her right to do so ) to which she flew off the handle in the resteraunt and went out crying making me look like i had upset her and i get some right looks from the staff there. So once again i tried to sort things out as best i could, sat for 2 hours outside my partners house talking to my mother ( got sunburnt ) only for the 2 hours to be dominated by my mother twisting and turning things and putting things in that never happened an denying things that did happen, after the two hours i came back in had a long talk with my partner. Now ever since the holiday things between me and my partner havn't been brilliant, we hardly argue at all but when we do it's always about my mother and it has all put a real strain on our relationship so i saw myself faced with two things, loose my family or give my mother the back seat for a while, so i've given my mother the back seat for a while and now the air is calm, nice, happy but like most people who would be faced with this kind of thing i can't stop myself feeling guilty about what i have done though i know i have done the right thing because i am not willing to loose my family over my mother. So the question i want to put out there is what would you do? would you do what i have done? or not? there is no inbetween just those two choices. this will be an interesting one for me.