My brother in law is at it again with getting someone pregnant
August 27, 2007 9:29pm CST
hi, i was wondering do you accept people that just go around getting women pregnant and then expecting you to just accept it and give the woman a baby shower and stuff and then treat her like family. He is on number 2 child, which he don't even take care of the first one and i have my 8 year old daughter asking me if she could call this new woman her "aunt." So then my husband and i had a really bad fight because i didn't go to her baby shower with our two kids because first of all i didn't know if i could even bring kids. Second, his side of the family went and didn't even attempt to call me and ask me if i was going to see if they could help with the kids because my husband works on a boat. Would you stand your ground or would you give in and support his habit. I bought something for the baby, but i really don't want no part in this thing at all. Because for baby #1 that my brother in law had, my husband gave him almost everything i had for our first child without me knowing it. We really did not have a lot of funds when our first child was born and all my husband did was give it away. Boy, do i need help or what? So, i said when i have another baby, i was going to buy what i wanted. So i did and i bought what i wanted and nothing less. So, then he says he was going to take that stuff and give it to his brother again. Which in this case i just flipped, because we are not finished having our family and he still keeps giving all my sentimental things away. What would you do so that this situation would not cause no more strife in your marriage?
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28 Aug 07
A very tricky situation if there was one. No question of supporting your brother-n-law, no question of support even if it was your own brother (I hope you are clear on this, I mean some of us think its OK if our own blood did something equally wrong). Your brother-in-law has to understand that fathering a child is a long-term commitment and it should not be a one-night stand. The entire family has to be in this, otherwise only you shouting will further alienate you. Regarding your husband, what has been given away, can’t be brought back. What I suggest instead is just forget about the things given away, keep the issue inside you, don’t bring it out in front of him, after all its is own sibling. Instead, be sweet and considerate and even volunteer to go to see the baby. Then at some other time, tell him nicely how concerned you are about this philandering habit of his brother and how you think that your husband maybe encouraging it further by giving away things of your child. I mean, if your bro-n-law gets stuff for the baby free everytime, he is never likely to understand the full meaning of responsibility and is unlikely ever to mend his way. Ask your husband if he wants his brother (and therefore the entire clan) to have a bad name as a womanizer or would he rather that his brother took his responsibilities seriously and settled down. But whatever you do, do it sweetly and at a time when your husband is in a mood to listen, no point in nagging after him on such a sensitive issue and jeopardizing your own marriage in the process.
• United States
28 Aug 07
I'm not a parent but my only advice would be to hide whatever you don't want your husbant to give away. If he finds it and ask why you hid it from him, just tell him that you had to do it because he wasn't listening to you when you explained things before. Maybe that would get him to start listening! lol. Although your brother-in-law shouldn't be going around having babies with random people, at least he is trying to step in and be responsible. Most guys would leave the mother of their child to fend for themselves.
28 Aug 07
This is horrible and I can see why you are upset . Your husband is not listening to how you feel at all and as a mother we do hold sentimental value to some of the things we have for our children not to mention that he can't keep giving everything away just because it is his brother . Your brother in law needs to accept responsibility for his actions and your husband is allowing him to continue this behavior . I wish I knew what to offer to say to help your situation . All I can think to say is to keep talking to your husband and trying to explain how you feel but maybe try not to put down on his brother to bad as he may feel that you are just attacking his brother and this may be making him feel like he has to choose between the two of you ... even though in my opinion you are right to feel the way you do . Best of luck with this situation and hopefully your husband will come to realize that you have reasons for feeling the way you do as you don't expect others to just give you everything yet this is how his brother seems to feel not to mention this is confusing to your children as well .
• United States
28 Aug 07
I'm not sure if you're asking for replies about the brother in law or about your own situation with your husband. In either case, I think that when you're pointing fingers it is wise to notice there are three pointing back at you. I mean no disrespect by this, but this seems to be a common case of someone who finds it easier to blame or ridicule others rather than to take responsibility for giving over her own control to others while allowing them to overstep her own boundaries. I'm sorry there isn't really anything I can do or say to fix your situation for you. Best wishes and smiles. :)