Did you experience the death of a loved one?

NOTE!!! This may have posted twice. The first time I was typing lying down on the couch, tired, and not spell checking yet and, by mistake, I hit the link to post. Honestly I don't write like that. I was just spewing out the post then spell checking it but, if you see two posts, READ THIS ONE! The other was is a mess. *SIGH* My mom had a brain aneurysm 10 years ago and was in the hospital for 4 straight years (I swear!) before passing on. That was a major wake up call for me. I never expected my mother to die. Certainly not at 66!! Watching her suffer and all the indignities she suffered and all the fighting she did to stay with us changed me forever. And then...my Dad who I had a very strange relationship with (I loved him very much but he seemed to feel I was trying to boss him when I tried to take care of him. He needed me though and counted on me to get him out of all kinds of predicaments) passed away in June 2006 after a tragic and unnecessary situation. It was so shocking and so sudden that I was in shock for a while. I mean, I did all I had to do but I couldn't believe he was gone. Still can't. Now, I see everyday situations and problems as nothing and, sometimes I find myself rolling my eyes when I read about little things that people are compplaining abut.I think that is just the anger in me. I want to say, Look, I lost both my parents in the most horrible of ways and you are sitting here whining because a guy you dated for two weeks just wants to be friends? GROW UP! I suppose I look at life's smaller things in a different ways now and I can handle way way more than I ever could before. I have reevaluated my life. I have had to because my mother's aneyrism was inherited. Nine months ago, my older sister had one that about took her life as well as a small stroke. Chances are I will have one too. I may live, I may die. I have no idea when it will happen and if I will wake up after. So, yes, my life has changed in many ways. I find myself wanting to help people more when I relate to their pain. I find myself trying not to sweat the small stuff and I find myself more sensitive to people who are ill or who are afraid. I also find myself rolling my eyes at people who just have no idea what loss is like and what REAL sorrow and pain are. Yes, I am sure the girl whose 2 week boyfriend not calling is feeling real pain. But it's so inconsequential that I tend to shy away from that type of person. I prefer to be around those who have been through some tough stuff and understand life a bit.

luckily that didn't happenned to me.i think would be very hard for me to live that kind of experience.don't even want to think about it,but i know this is something you can't avoid.only if i will die before anyone else die.and also .don't want this

it's changes me alot... harder for the first time. just the time can changes... as we know.love can be heaven can be hell.... so where are u now? heaven or hell :) matture need a process my mom say............