How does helping someone be too much?

Philippines
September 6, 2007 1:47pm CST
Last night, my family went out to have dinner in a fastfood restaurant. When we got there, we chose to sit beside the clear, glass window. As we were enjoying the food, this boy who was barefoot, wearing dirty clothes, and obviously undernourished, began knocking lightly on the window to draw our attention. He was very hungry because he kept on swallowing and he stared so hard at our food. So, I asked my husband to buy an extra burger for the boy. Because I forgot to bring my purse with me. But he said no and didn't move. So, I still tried to convince him to go get that burger because the boy was still standing there. He really looked pitiful. I kept urging my husband but he kept on refusing. So when I got frustrated with him, I said I was disappointed with him. He was hurt with what I said because maybe it made him feel like he's some unfeeling human being. He explained to me that no one does that anymore, going out one's way to do something like that. So, I said if no one will, then I will. I even asked him to think what if that boy was our son, who's so hungry,he kept on swallowing. But he still didn't budge. He just gave the boy some meager pennies when we left the restaurant. I told my husband he gives a large tip to some foodservers who doesn't even deserve it, but he simply refuses to buy a hungry, little boy just one burger! Was I wrong to feel that way about that boy?Is helping someone these days just too much anymore?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@jesus777 (664)
• Bermuda
7 Sep 07
HELPING OTHERS WHAT YOU DID WAS RIGHT jcj_111776 MANY PEOPLE DTODAY DO NOT HAVE A HEART THEY ARE LIKE THE TINE FROM THE WIZARD THEY ARE VERY SELFISH I AM NOT THOUGH PEOPLE THINK I AM VERY STRANGE FOR GIVING A HOMELESS MY HARD EARN MONEY OR EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THEY EXIST BUT THEY AR EPOEPLE TOO AND EVEN THOUGH YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW THEY GOT THERE YOU SHOULD STILL BE KIND AND HELP TOHERE BECAUSE I LOOK AT THIS WAY IF I WAS IN THERE SHOES I WOULD WANT SOMEONE TO HELP ME THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS TOO IF I SAW THAT BOY ON THE STREET I WOULD BUY HIM MEAL BUT I WOULD ALSO PUT HIM IN A MOTEL OR SOMETHING SO HE WOULD HAV EPLACE TO SLEEP AND WERE HE COULD GET A BATH AND I WOULD CHECK ON HIM THE NEXT DAY TO SEE IF HE WAS OK BUT PEOPLE NOW ADAYS ARE VERY HEARTLESS AND ONLY THINKA BOUT THEMSELVES BUT PEOPLE NEED TO BE TOHERS CENTERED AND NOT SELF CENTERED I AM CHRISITNA A BELIEVER IN THE LORD JESUS CHRIST I DONT KNOW IF YOU ARE BUT JESUS WAS MY EXAMPLE AND HE WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO HELP EPOPLE AND I FGEEL THAT IS MY RESPONSIBLITY TO DO SO MY PART TOO TO HELP OTHERS!!!!!
• Canada
7 Sep 07
arrggg caps lock..stop yelling at her she is the good one here lol
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Sep 07
Hi there!I think even if I wanted to give him a place to sleep, he will decline. You see, he has other friends with him that night. They were also kids. He just wanted to eat that night. That's good that you take it as your responsibility to help other people. At least, those who need it won't have to feel that they are being forsaken by others.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
7 Sep 07
this might sound harsh but even tho he looked and acted HUngery he may have been with a group off somewheres else and they make more money than you do and dont pay taxes. I have seent his worked this way at rest areas Me and hubby fell for it with a women and a little boy saying they needed gas to get on so we gave them oney well we spent the night there so later when we went back to the bathroom another person asked us again and this other person kept making a noise so he didnt ask again and we seen him gather up the money from all of the ones begging and took off on a motorcycle and later the same motoorcycle came back with a different person and the other ones left and more came to work the rest area. Its hard to know who is running a scam now or really hungry and need help bad.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
7 Sep 07
yes its good you opened your eyes to that . For these people can run ya dry of change . hugs and good luck
1 person likes this
• Canada
7 Sep 07
good for you girl! i always always leave people money..its called tithing i think ..its just part of my ten percent that i get back 100 x always too the more i give out the more i get back...keep record of it for six months like i did and show him...never mind dont men like that dont change. just do what you feel is best and "those who mind dont matter those who matter dont mind"
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Sep 07
Hi there!You're right, the blessings do come back and much more. And it always warms the heart when we know that we have done something good for others, especially the ones who really need it.
• United States
7 Sep 07
I feel there are a lot of people who think this way today. I realize that money is tight for the majority of people, but lending a helping hand in whatever way you can makes me feel better about the world. Where I used to work, we would adopt 20 Christmas families, and each department would buy food and presents for the holidays. We also had a mitten tree where visitors could leave hats, scarfs and gloves for children in need. I donate clothes, food and coats to an organization where I live to help those who are less fortunate than I am. I would love to be able to help more, but I can't always. But, I would feel the same as you, if I saw someone who was hungry, child or not, I would buy them something to eat, even if I had to go hungry for that meal. I am sorry that this happened to you, I know that sometimes my husband is this way, too. He feels that there are more people out there just trying to take advantage of you.
• Philippines
8 Sep 07
Hi tdbrower. It does feel so good knowing that we have helped someone. It maybe not be that much, but the thing is we have shown them that they won't be snobbed or forsaken. That they still do matter. We can't blame our husbands, though. They are just too aware of those who does take advantage of other people. I've met some and I did try to help them once. But the longer you help, the more that they rely more on you. Even if sometimes the situation shows that they don't need that help anymore. That they can cope on their own.
@itkasp (266)
• Australia
7 Sep 07
Hi, I think there never will too mcuh to help someone, especially a hungry little boy. I will do the same as you, buy the little boy a burger. Of course it will not solve his entire problem, but at least for now it will relieve him from starving. Also, it will be very sad to see a starving kid when we are eating with so many food on our table. He certainly will be grateful that someone has helped to solve his immediate and urgent problem, ie his hunger.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Sep 07
Yes, I know how you feel. Buying him something to eat will only solve his problem for that night. But what makes it special is that even for once in his life, someone had taken a step forward and helped him.
@lyndee22 (1211)
• Philippines
7 Sep 07
Helping others is a good example of generosity but it is too much when this people abuse us as if we are a feeder or an institution that provide everything for them. The happiness that we feel is different. There are pople who don't mind others, who don't appreciate their present life and situation by sharing what they have to the less fotunate. They just think of what is good for them, selfish but we can't blame them if this is their stand. They are blind and heartless.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Sep 07
Hi lyndee. I know what you mean. Reaching out and helping someone is a very generous thing to do but we should also be aware on when is time that doing that kind of thing is already too much. I've seen people too who doesn't even care at all. And it's frustrating sometimes. Because there are people out there who really needs help but as what you've said, some can be totally blind and unfeeling about it.
@mbilagan (178)
• Philippines
7 Sep 07
You have a good heart to be able to feel that way to someone you dont know. Not too many people will think about what you thought for the poor boy. Likewise, not everyone of us will think the same way as you are. Like in my case, I seldom give foods or something to the street children or to any beggars in particular. Not that I dont pity them but because I dont want them to go on like that forever. I also belong to a poor family. I remember when I was a kid, our family have nothing but one another. Even our daily meal, my mom and dad would do whatever decent job just to get through with it and we help them sometimes if we dont have classes. But never they allow us to beg. Life for us before was so hard but my family never give up until such time that all of us graduated in college. Now, I can say that our life really changes. We are now able to eat what we want or buy things that we like. I guess that is one of the reasons why I seldom give something to street children or to any beggars. I dont want them to be stock on what they are doing and stop dreaming. For me, I would rather help the institutions that will help them to grow and be better person in the future because I, myself is a product of an institution that help the poor children to finish school and I'm proud of it. This way, they will never be stock on their current situation and might be able to help others too in the future. I believe that if you really want to help, don't give them fish but teach them how to fish.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Sep 07
Hi there. Thanks! I just couldn't sit there and do nothing. But I know, what I tried to do that night, won't solve his other problems. You are right, though. Regularly helping them may or may not create a positive effect. Some may just rely on someone's pity or help. But some will try to take steps to change their lives for the better. I'm glad that your family had successfully passed that very hard part of yourlives. And that you know how some people who need help, feels.
@patels (65)
7 Sep 07
iam sameer and iam 18 years old in my point of view you have to help the boy because he is small and have no money to eat ,he was hungry and no body respond him instead you and your husband is not kind hearted towards the boy because he feel guilty in helping the boy while giving the tip he shows his power and feel glad i think that you are truly kind hearted towards the boy and i also agree with you
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Sep 07
Thank you patels. I do try to help others in ways that I can. But I still have some reservations for those who are just trying to get my pity. But for that boy, that night, he was hungry. And we don't let a fellow human go hungry, when we can still do something for them.
@bhappy2 (327)
• Australia
7 Sep 07
A similar thing happened to me in the outback of Australia in Alice Springs. An aboriginal woman asked for my help. She was filthy, smelt terrible and looked like she had been abused physically over many year. I refused to help even though every fibre of my being cried out to help her. the reason I didn't help was because I was with my husband who would have been very angry with me if I had. I realise your victim was a child and mine an adult but I think that we need to stop and help those by the wayside. One day it may be one of us and then how will we feel? No one knows what lies ahead in life and I do believe in Karma so let's bring back a little kindness to society.
• Philippines
7 Sep 07
I liked what you said, bhappy2. Yes, we can think of it that way. What if it's our turn to need the help?How would we feel if they turn their backs on us, just like we did before?I also believe in good karma. And besides, we can gauge if that person who's asking for help is not just doing it out of trying to fool us.
@carissa765 (1098)
• United States
6 Sep 07
No it isn't too much to do something for someone like that. I am the type of person who thinks that if you do something good for someone else, you will ultimately be rewarded. Whether it be in this life or the next, you WILL be rewarded. Have you ever seen that comercial where they show the people looking at other people doing good things, and it just keeps going. I think that is a good analagy of the subject. So no you were not wrong to want to buy him a burger, but maybe not being so harsh on your husband next time, kill them with kindness. And as far as mentioning your own son, that would have got me because no one wants to think about their own child going through that type of situation.
• Philippines
6 Sep 07
Hi there carissa. I wasn't that harsh with him, but I did make him feel guilty.hehehe! Well, making my son as an example still didn't work for him. You're right about that too. Doing something good for others. Even if you don't receive it back, the good feeling of that you've helped someone will always remain in you.