i am struggling with my 16 month old daughter

United States
September 18, 2007 11:06pm CST
My daughter is a very high demand child and she whines and cries all day long until she gets her way. she will not sleep in her bed, it has to be mine. any words of wisdom or what i should do about this?
1 person likes this
3 responses
@meholl (510)
• United States
19 Sep 07
Yes. I had twins and had the hardest time with them always wanting this and that. As long as you make sure that all your daughters basic needs are met, such as fed, dry diaper, clean clothes, etc. I would let her cry for a while until she figures out that you aren't going to run around just trying to please her. I mean, soon enough she will realize that she can do something else and will. But that doesn't mean don't love on her. Just don't bend to every whim. When she falls asleep in your bed, have you put her back in her crib? If that doesn't work, maybe putting her in her crib with something that is yours will help, and staying with her at the crib for a little bit, then as she gets used to it, decrease the amount of time that you stay by her crib. Sounds like you have a bundle of joy that just wants you.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Sep 07
She is a bundle of joy and I love her so much. I have been through so much taht it was just easier to let her lay down with me so that i could get some sleep than to make her stay in her bed and be up half the night. she is out of a crib now, so she just gets up and climbs in bed with me. i am trying to let her cry things out and ignoring her when she pitches fits, because they get worse if i act on them. thank you for your advice. i will work on getting her used to her bed, especially since Daddy is coming home for a two week leave in october. i have until then to get her used to it. wish me luck
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@meholl (510)
• United States
19 Sep 07
I am so glad that your man is getting to come home. You must be thrilled. My daughters are 4 and still climb into bed with me. My husband works 2 weeks on then gets one week off. When he is gone there is plenty of room in the bed. But when he is there, I so dread the kids getting into bed with us. I usually tell them they have to go back to their own beds, but sometimes they just won't.
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• United States
20 Sep 07
yeah, it's tough when they become used to sleeping with you. I have tried to start making her stay in her bed though and last night for the first time in I don't know how long, she actually slept in her bed until about 5 this morning. It was wonderful. She is still whining all day though. Still not sure what to do about that one
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@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
19 Sep 07
With my daughter, she would do much the same thing. I had to leave her to cry in her crib and as much as it pained me to do so, I did it. It is important though that you go to them at some point so she knows you haven't left her and your still there. I went in every 10 or 15 minutes to check on her and she finally started sleeping soundly because she began to realize it was bedtime. Not to mention the crying will tire her out! It is hard to do, but if you don't go through this first couple of weeks like that, your going to have a few years of dealing with it. I know it's hard and your husband coming home from Iraq for leave! Good for you! I am so happy for you! Well, I hope this helps, it doesn't work for every child but it did work for mine. Take care!
• United States
20 Sep 07
Thanks for the encouragement. I am totally excited about him coming home and she did actually sleep in her bed until about 5 this morning before climbing into mine, so i was greatful for that. we will see how tonight goes. LOL! My only problem with what you said is that she is not in a crib anymore. She has a little toddler bed, so she can get up and down as she pleases. unless i sit on the end of her bed, she gets up and comes to me. what do i do about that one
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@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
22 Sep 07
I see that she is not in a crib anymore. That is a toughie! It seems you are making good progress that she stayed in bed until 5 in the morning. What I did with my daughter was we had started a ritual. We got her jammies on, brushed her teeth at night, had story time and I would lay down with her for a bit before she fell asleep. I would tell her it was quiet time now and we would just lay there, normally she would fall asleep before I left the room. If she wanted to play around I would tell her I am leaving the room if she kept it up and of course I would have to enforce it so she know I meant business. Because of course she tried me! She did get up several times and I would just take her back to her room and put her back to bed. She finally got it after awhile. It's a hassle but it's worth it for peace of mind later. My girlfriend here has three girls and she gets no peace! All of her girls sleep with her in her bed. They refuse to sleep in their rooms. She didn't enforce bedtime and sleeping in their beds as little ones and now she is paying for it. LOL, I don't know if this will work for you, but give it a shot, it doesn't hurt!
• United States
19 Sep 07
You have to make sure your child knows that you are the boss and you are in charge. Your daughter is old enough to sit in time out. And when you tell her to do something count to 3 and if by 3 she does not do what you say put her in time out until she stops crying. When she stops crying take her out of time out and tell her again what you asked her to do. She will learn if you stick with it. I run an in home daycare.I deal with a lot of children this same way. It works, as long as you stand your ground. You will have to put up with some crying. Be Strong. You can do it.
• Australia
19 Sep 07
I agree, this is a good method. You have to set boundaries early, I have had experience with children that are very dependent on their parents (eg. sleep in same bed/room etc)and it only gets worse with time - the longer you leave it un"treated" the worse it gets. OTHER TIPS I know your daughter is only young, but perhaps you could try some calming exercises with her if she is whiney all the time regardless of where she is - maybe she is just an anxious child. Calming exercises and not raising your voice or becoming distressed yourself (children pick up on this very easily) help a lot. Try some relaxing music (light classical or nature sounds) playing softly in the background all day - don't make her focus on the music, she will notice it (maybe subconciously) and it might calm her. Perhaps she might also be scared of something in her room, it could be something that you consider normal or nice (like a hanging butterfly or a picture on the wall) but it may terrify her, especially in the dark. Try removing things that may cast shadows on her bed or that might loom or hang in her field of sight. Also, consider what colours your rooms are, certain colour schemes disagree with children - try going for cool, calm shades like natural blues, greens and lemons. Steer clear of RED (definitely) and other bold colours that may cause irritation or hyperactivity. Finally, if your daughter is not ill at all, perhaps you could look at her diet and activity level. These often impact on a child's mood. There are lots of helpful books and websites that can help you with any of the above things, but if you need some more help, feel free to contact me. I've had lots of experience with children and intensive training in many areas. Hopefully I've been of some help. Light and Laughter to you. Keep pluggin! *hugs*
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Sep 07
i definitely agree with the boundaries thiing. it's just become so difficult for me to stay consistent with her. i have so much going on and Daddy is away in iraq. she is acted out so much since he left. just hard for me to handle, but i know i'm gonna have to stand my ground or she will run the house forever. thanks for the suggestions
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