Boyfriend vs. Parents

United States
October 4, 2007 1:16pm CST
Hi, I have not really had a lot of good relationships in the past, but i have a boyfriend who I knew as a friend for 3 years. We recently started going out and he treats me like a queen. I really feel like for the first time I know what it's like to love someone. He is very hardcore so it takes a lot to break him down. I'm never in the house that much anymore, and I have a great relaxing time with him. The only problem is my parents do not like him because they are judging him by how he used to be in the past. They say bad things about him and they feel that he is not the best one for me because he is not up to their standards. If I try to defend him or speak my mind without being disrespectful, my mom says that i am getting an attitude with her. i do not understand what is going on. My boyfriend and I have had arguments and we have made up....but mom thinks he is an abuser trying to control me. I have spent more time with him and she has not even taken the chance to get to know him. A lot of poeple feel that I should do what makes me happy and not impress my parents. What do you think?
1 person likes this
11 responses
• China
5 Oct 07
If I were you ,I would choose my love on condition that he is a reliable man. It is centain that I will get on well with both my parents and my boyfriend.But rember parents think more for us all the time,and we'd better take it serious.
@kevere26 (223)
• United States
5 Oct 07
I have a daughter and it took me awhile to admit my problem with her boyfriends. It all boiled down to parental fear.
• United States
5 Oct 07
I feel its important to make yourself happy first and foremost! Your mother just wants the best for you, and she has not had the chance to see how well you two get on with one another. Plan some sort of outing with your parents and your bf. If you really think he is good for you, show her! I think you should tell your mother to please try and trust you and your decisions and if perhaps your decision was wrong, then you have learned and will grow from it. Im sure she is just trying to protect your feelings. Dont be upset with her by this, just try and talk to her. Bay xx
@paulsy (1264)
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
Yes, you should do what makes you happy. You don't need to impress your parents. They just love you very much and care for you. They don't want you to be hurt by anyone, that's probably why they are acting this way. Since they don't know your boyfriend that much, they think that he might hurt you in the future. Your parents are simply protecting you and that's a normal thing to do. Try to understand them. You don't need to insist that they accept your boyfriend. In time, they will realize that your love for each other is true, and that your boyfriend will take good care of you. It only takes time. Just be patient and stay respectful to your parents. God bless you!
• Malaysia
5 Oct 07
I think you should do something to make your parents realize that the man you love is not a bad person. You have to make them accept him, or else in the future you will have relationship problems which involve your parents and your husband. If you don't settle the problem now, your parents will continue to hate him after you get married to him, and your husband will hate your parents after you are married to him. The victim will be you, you will suffer when both sides of people that you love hate each other. So you better think of something so that they will start to like each other.
@Sharon38 (1916)
• Jamaica
5 Oct 07
Give your parents time to come to grips with your relationship with you guy. Parents can be very unforgiving and unrelenting when it comes to their children. Dont quarrel with your mom and another thing if you and your guy quarrel dont bring it home and tell anyone. Let the both of you work it out ok? When your parents see how happy you are and how respectful and honest you have been with them they will come around. Give them time and in the meanwhile congratulations on finding someone who treats you as his queen. you dont find this very often in this life!
@shadowing (309)
• Malaysia
5 Oct 07
Hi queen. Well, you are facing a problem which used to experienced by most of the people. Haha, lover or parent? I feel you should know what you want. Maybe you can try to negotiate with you boyfriend like Monday, Wednesday and Friday you stay at home and the rest be with him? Fair enough, isn't it. I mean time will prove everything. If in your parents' heart he is not that well, I guess time is the only thing can solve the conflict. Personally, I feel you should do what makes you feel happy and at the same time impress your parents. I mean parents, you only have one, it's not good to go against them, right?
@meemingNEW (2228)
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
It's a difficult situation to be in to for now, but as time goes on.. you'll parents will learn to like and accept your boyfriend. That is if you are still dating with your current boyfriend at the time that your parents will already accept him as your boyfriend. Your boyfriend will just have to prove himself to your parents. That he has good intentions to you.. It takes time but it is worth the wait. Best of luck to you!
@Margajoe (4720)
• Germany
5 Oct 07
This sounds very formilier!!! I am 41 years old, and still my parents act that way. It is very normal. They worry about you. And they love you. There could never be anyone good enough. Be happy! You have loving parents, who mean well. And you are happy in love. What else could you wish for? Keep your eyes open and follow your heart.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
5 Oct 07
it is the problem with so many people. In many cases parents oppose to the match of their childrens' choice. As you mentioned, may be your BF doesnot have a very good past. You have to consider it yourself whether he is truly a changed person, or you are blindfolded in love. Don't take it otherwise. it happens in love. In love there are something you can't see at this moment. Take a cool thought and then decide to move which way... with you Bf or your parents?
@svelte (132)
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
Follow what your heart says as long as both of you are doing nothing wrong. Your boyfriend will not marry your parents someday but you.
@goodsign (2287)
• Malaysia
4 Oct 07
I think as your name now is QueenMika, so you better take action as queen attitude. And your boyfriend as a King for one state in your heart. And your parents as your peoples. Queen always has verve energy and power of influencing his King about good things. Prove good things happening in your relationship with your boyfriend to your parents, I believe that one day your parents will accept him in your family.