My friend just told me

United States
October 21, 2007 2:40pm CST
My friend just told me that she has lung cancer. I could not have been more stunded. She got her life back from a drug habbit and mental illness only to get this as another curve ball. I want to be there for her and I pray that she beats this to but I keep having flash backs of another person dying from this. I watched a friends father waste away from lung cancer while in highschool and it was the worst thing to watch. My heart is breaking because I do not want to lose hope but what can I do for her that will make her life easier? Do I pretend that everything is fine and just not talk about it or do I leave it open and let her come to me if she wants to discuss it? Is there a way for me not to come of as an inceitive a**hole when I tell her the good things in my life?
3 people like this
8 responses
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
21 Oct 07
I had a friend who had cancer. She wanted me to treat her like I always did. She wanted to hear about my life and share hers. I always left the door open for her to vent, cry, rage whatever at the cancer but I didn't constantly ask how she felt, etc. I do suggest that you tell her you are there for her and if she ever wants to talk about things or needs anything, to please come to you. After that treat her as you always did. I think cancer victims hate the pity and the sadness they encounter when friends know about their condition. They often just want to be treated as usual. You're a good friend and I am sure she will come to you when she feels the need. The most important thing is to let her know you are there for her - through thick and thin - and you won't run from her because she is sick. Amazingly, a lot of people DO shy away from cancer victims because they don't know what to say or how to act. Just being there is the best gift you can give your friend.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 07
Meanangel, you could never be a insensitive a**hole. You know why? Because you are asking this question. If you were insensitive, it wouldn't have entered your mind.The best thing to do is be there for your friend. Follow her lead, If she wants to talk about it, then talk with her. If she doesn't want to talk about it, then don't.Just make sure that she knows that you are there for her no matter what.Tell your friend I wish her well.Take care.
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
21 Oct 07
I really can't help you. I can only suggest so much in this. It'll be rough talking and being there, but if you are really her friend you have to do so. Talking about it may help but then again, it might form a rift between you two. If she is really your friend though, she'll eventually see it as support. Be there for her too, its not right for her to be alone in this. I know you have fears of what could happen too, but you can't let that stop you from being with her. Just state that you're still her friend and whatever is within your power you'll do for her. Good luck mean. And give your friend some of my blessings and support.
1 person likes this
@imgcul (110)
• Taiwan
8 Jan 08
I want to know, how old is her? I think she is maybe a lung adenocarcinoma. I read related article from and I know, most women diagnosed with lung cancer are with lung adenocarcinoma.
@tines2512 (325)
• Philippines
23 Oct 07
this was so sad :)
@Dolcerina (3380)
• Hungary
22 Oct 07
No, I would not pretend that everything is alright. I think time and her behaving will say the answer to your question. I think you will be the best friend if you are listen well to her small signs. If she wonders your happiness, than speak about it. I think she awaits you not to change, and not to lie in anything.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
I would not want to hear about all the good times you had if I were dying. It would seem rather insensitive. However, I would want to hear about the good times we had together. What you should do is to give her hope, but hope that is possible and for that, you need more information. Is the cancer inoperable, then if she asks you if she is dying, you have to tell her in as nice as possible with "I'm afraid you are," and be very sad when you say it, because she does know already, and then there is the "I'll miss you," or what you would say to her instead. If the cancer is operable,tell her if she follows the doctor's orders, she'll get better and she can always depend on you. You have to restrain from telling her of the good things, unless those good things are going to help her.
@hjz3501 (16)
• China
22 Oct 07
i think it is hard for you to decide how to do this problem,you can pretend that thing ,then she will feel well,but when she know the true ,i think she won't endure this.however,if you tell her the true now ,she think she will die soon and influence her i think only time can wear away everything ,just take it easy!