surprise pregnancy

United States
November 15, 2007 4:46am CST
So here it is... I just turned 28 and have been seeing a man who is 43( only 1 year younger than my own mother). He works out a lot and takes good care of himself. His mother recently passed away and I stayed with him in his place aproximatley 30mins from my place for 3 days. I have been on birth control and have always taken it faithfully. This weekend however I did not bring my pills with me. I missed 3 of them. Now I found out that I was pregnant last week. I don't know what to do. I have kids whom are over half raised and he does too. I want to keep the baby and so does he but I am haveing a hard time dealing with this surprise pregnancy. I work a very hard laborors job 45 hours a week and bartend every weekend to barely make ends meet as it is. I have looked endlessly for jobs that I can do at home to no prevail. On top of everything the father is starting to get a little emotionly abusive towards me. This is something that I have never seen from him before. Does anyone have any advice on this?
3 people like this
12 responses
• Brazil
15 Nov 07
Be calm, my wife also became pregnant by surprise I was very worried, but in the end everytihng has some my moyther help much and now she has 6 months and very beautiful, if ypu can comment on mine.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Nov 07
I am happy for you. I am excited and so is he about the baby but it is almost like he wants control over the entire situation. I talked to him a little while ago and he said that he was sorry. I also told him that I will not tolorate abusive behavior from him.
• Brazil
15 Nov 07
But he will have to understand thst is already hsd done that very love the baby.
• India
15 Nov 07
Dear barbiegirl, this looks like a very complicated problem, for which, unfortunately, I have no solution. I only have words of comfort and encouragement. You need to keep calm and take a strong decision. It is your life and you naturally cannot take abusive behaviour from the father of your child. I am sure that the decision you take will be the best one for you, and other people can't really tell you what is good or bad for you. I wish you all the best and the strength to overcome your problems. I am sure you will!!
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Nov 07
Thank you for your response. I think what I may do is discuss with him my concerns. I am going through enough and don't need the added stress. Even though this was an unplanned pregnancy I still fel that this child is a blessing and deserves the chance of a stress free envirorment before birth and afterwards. They say that a mother in disstess can harm an unborn fetus.
• India
15 Nov 07
Talking over the problem with him seems to be a good idea to me too. It might soften his attitude. And you are right. Children are a blessing, and they make life worth living. You really ought to keep your spirits up and be happy for the sake of the baby. I wish you all the best.
1 person likes this
@Samanthavv (1395)
• United States
15 Nov 07
Wow. That's horrible that he isn't being very emotionally supportive! I know some jobs you can do at home. Might not be the most reputable, but you can set up a line on http://www.niteflirt.com as a phone actress. I did that while I was pregnant, and still do it part time now. I made anywhere from 2k-5k working 40 hours a week for a month. If you want, message me, and I could even help get you started if thats something you'd be comfortable with. Have you thought about adoption? I know its hard, but if you really don't know if you can give your baby the life it deserves, then maybe you should let someone else?
• United States
16 Nov 07
I will definately contact you thru private message about the job. Do they take people from the states? I have not thought of adoption I am not dirt poor or anything like that I just right now work 60-70 hours a week to stay lower middle class.
@shelbyo (19)
• Canada
15 Nov 07
im very sorry to hear that your having so many problems from a person who is waiting for a child to adopt im not going to give you the advice to to your baby up but from some one who was raised in a abuse filled home it starts in the most innocent ways from sorry i ve been so stressed to i didn't mean to it will never happen again if some one can abuse you in any way they can abuse a child and if you want to keep your child i'd say get help with his problem or leave him because my mom thought her boyfriend would never hurt her childeren but he did and the child lives with it for life but what ever you choose choose for your child not you once again im sorry to hear about what is going on
1 person likes this
@glamgrl (384)
• Ireland
15 Nov 07
sounds like he doesnt want another baby
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Nov 07
By not taking your pill...pregnancy should not be a total suprise to you however the hormonal effect that the pregnancy and the combination of the hormonal birth control pills still in your system is probably what is making you sad. I think too that the father may be having a hard time dealing with this suprise and that could be the reason for his behavior. I would definitely talk to him about it and see if anything changes with his behavior. If he continues to be abusive - I would not stay with him. I know that it's not easy to raise a child on your own and I know it's easier said than done but you shouldn't have to put up with anyone who is being abusive to you. With that being said, a baby is a beautiful blessing from God. If God brought you it...he'll bring you through it. Even with all your hard work - remember to take care of yourself as now you are carrying a baby. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
1 person likes this
@kwenge (2492)
• Kenya
15 Nov 07
Barbiegirl, your situation has got mixed sinals. I can say that being pregnant is good news and on the other hand since it is a surprise is sad. Lets just focus on the positive side because even if we dwell on the negative there is nothing we can do. The first thing is to take of yourself, eat well and go to hospital regularly, work less, eat well and be happy about it. It is a goo thing that both of you want to keep the baby. It is understandable that the father is being abusive, let the news sink and he realises that he has another responsibility and he will relax. Give him time and dont stress yourself about it. Babies are blessings from God and you never know what plan God has for you and the baby.....it might bring a breakthrough in your life. Live positive my friend.
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
16 Nov 07
don't abort the child. keep the baby and do your best for the baby to grow and live a very good life.
• United States
16 Nov 07
Thank you so much....I would never abort the baby. Thanks for your support
@kurtbiewald (2629)
• United States
16 Nov 07
i'm sorry to say that one baby you are holding is kinda ugly
• United States
16 Nov 07
I think my little chihuahua I am holding is beutiful...she passed away 2 weeks ago
@twoey68 (13662)
• United States
16 Nov 07
Well, you have options here. If your not sure you want to stay with the guy (emotional abuse doesn't sound good) then you can get child support to help raise the baby. If your not able to raise it or choose not to then I'd look at adoption. There are hundreds of couples that would jump at the chance to adopt a baby and will help to pay for the costs of having the baby. Having a baby is a big decision but it's already there and that can't be changed. If the guy is single I doubt he'd want to raise the baby on his own. You have time to make a good decision so just take your time and think things through. Good luck!! "COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS" **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
• China
16 Nov 07
oh ,as i saw the headline i was happy for you.but now i don't know wheather i should do that . in my opinion,if you can't provide the baby good living condition and anough time to bring him up ,you should think over and over. 'cause i know you must love baby very much ,and you 'll give him all your love. but you should also think more realistic problems. yeah,good luck!
@sweetcakes (3506)
• United States
15 Nov 07
It sounds like this guy is way over his head and doesn’t quite know how to deal with the problems he created for himself. He’s probably feeling very stressed out because you are pregnant with his child. but give him so time.and maybe he will get it together.