What to do with out of control 6 year old?

United States
October 28, 2006 2:06pm CST
I just don't know what to do with her. And I don't know where I went wrong. How did she get to be such a spoiled brat? She thinks everything has to be HER way and if it isn't she throws a tantrum. I have 3 other kids I have to deal with but she takes up most of my time. Today we had a Halloween parade in our town that the kids were in. She refused to wear a jacket because it covered her costume. It was only 45 degrees out and I had my winter coat on and I was cold. Her costume was a dress with lace sleeves and a lace cape over it and knee high socks. We walked the 4 blocks of the parade. After we ate there were games outside for the kids. We were waiting in line for a game and she was shivering but she refused to put my jacket on so I had to take all the kids inside because she wouldn't cooperate. She is already sick and is outside in 40 degree weather (and it was raining) with no coat. We missed the games which upset her brother. Then she got made because she didn't win an award for the costume contest and screamed at me all the way home about how it wasn't fair and I didn't make her costume good enough to win. She screams at me all day long. She doesn't listen. I can be standing right next to her and tell her to do something and she will pretend I'm not there. Since she didn't wear her coat for trick or treating on Thursday she didn't get any candy (I told her this before she left and she agreed) so instead she steals candy from the stash and eats it in her room then blames her 4 year old sister for it. She refuses to clean her room. If I even mention cleaning it she starts screaming about how it is too hard, too much and not fair that she has to clean her own room. Oh, and no one is helping her. Nevermind her brother and sister already cleaned most of it while she was at school. My 4 year old cleans the room every day. She almost never cleans it. She always scams her sister into doing it. I don't know what to do with her. I am so fed up. I have no help from my husband. His idea of dealing with her is spanking her for everything she does. Which doesn't work. Taking her stuff away doesn't work (she doesn't care). Taking away TV doesn't work. Time-outs don't work. She doesn't care about anything. She ruins any outing because she whines the whole time because she doesn't get her way. We never go outside to play because she won't behave. Standing rule in the house is we have to straighten up the bedrooms to play outside or play a game. It has been this way since she was a toddler. She refuses to clean her room at all so we never go outside. I can't leave her inside and take the others outside. Even if I did she would stand at the door and scream the whole time ruining for the rest of us. We never play games as a family because of her. My husband can barely stand to come home after work and avoids family time like the plague because of her. I hate family meals because she just complains about everything. I didn't give her the right plate or spoon or cup. She doesn't like this, I gave her too much of that, etc. She would rather scream for 5 hours about picking up her room then spend 5 minutes picking up. What the heck am I supposed to do. My husband and everyone else keeps saying she will grow out of it and it will get better. Only problem is it has just gotten worse and worse every year. She disobeys. She is disrespectful. She is mean. She is hurtful. I really don't like her. I don't want to be around her and she is making me miserable. I can't remember the last time we went a full day without her screaming about something and ruining the day for me and the rest of the family.
8 responses
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
28 Oct 06
My heart goes out to you and your family. May I ask: were there problems during your pregnancy with her? Was she a "high risk" pregnancy? Was she born premature or sick? Was she seperated from you at birth because of pediatric problems, or perhaps born by c-section and you needed to recover? Were there problems during labor and delivery? Other questions I have include her diet. What does she eat? What does she drink? Without knowing the answers to my questions, I suggest this: #1 PRAISE HER AS MUCH AS YOU CAN Even if you must tell her that you like how pretty she is when she's asleep, PRAISE HER OFTEN. #2 HUG HER OFTEN Hug her before she can be bad. You'll see how shocked she is. #3 TELL HER YOU LOVE HER OFTEN Don't lie, but even if you don't LIKE her, somewhere in your heart you may LOVE her--TELL HER SO, often, you'll see how surprized she is. #4 CUT OFF ALL SUGAR PRODUCTS #5 CUT OFF ALL WHITE FLOUR PRODUCTS #6 CUT OFF ALL EMPTY CALORIE FOODS #7 PRAISE HER, TALK NICE TO HER, HUG HER before she can be bad. Some people of all ages get stuck in the negative-attention-cycle. Negative attention is better than no attention at all. #8. SPEND TIME REMEMBERING SHE IS A CHILD Remember how helpless she REALLY is.
@deeds14 (815)
• United States
28 Oct 06
I hope you don't mind me suggesting this, but have you talked to your doctor about this? He could give you a referral to a child psychiatrist. You could also see a therapist, since it sounds like you're really stressed out about this (as you should be!) and she could give you some great tips on how to cope with it maybe some tips on how to deal with her, as well. I've been to therapy during tough times in my life, and it is so helpful to talk to someone about it who really knows how to give you sound advice and listen to you. I've also taken anti-depressants, and there's nothing wrong with needing meds to help you handle your emotions, as your daughter may need. Best of luck to you!!
• United States
28 Oct 06
not to be funny, but you should call supernanny. Ive seen her show...great work.
• United States
28 Oct 06
I used to watch that show but it made me feel very inadaquit as a mother. And I tried some of the things they suggested. I remember one episode where the parents were having trouble getting their one kid to stay in bed. The suggest by the nanny was to gently take him back to bed each time he got out without talking to him. She said eventually he would just give up. Well I tried it with my son (who was almost 3 at the time). I spent 2 hours walking him back to his room every 40-50 seconds. After the first hour I stopped sitting back down after each try and just stood outside his door. he thought it was a game and had a lot of fun with it. Finally I spanked him and told him if he opened the door again I would smack his hand. After smacking his hand 3 times he quit coming out and went to sleep. But I wasted most of the night dealing with him. Meantime my 2 girls were going wild in their room. I can't watch all 3 of them at once. Someone once suggested I should just hold their doors closed if they keep coming out every few minutes during nap time. Tried that and I had to hold the door for almost an hour while my (no 6 year old) screamed and banged on the door and constantly tried to open it. And while I was doing that the other two were running around the house getting into things but if I moved she would come out of the room. I wonder how long things work in those houses that the nannies go to. My kids act really great when there are other adults around. If friends and family are visiting and tell them to do something they gladly do it. But once those people are gone they are terrors. I wouldn't be surprised if at least 50% of the kids revert to their old ways with in a few weeks of the nanny leaving.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 12
You need to stop hitting your children, no wonder they do not respond when you ask them to do something.
@crystal8577 (1470)
• United States
8 Dec 06
Well even though I know who you are talking about, I have never seen her behave like that. I can relate on a level b/c of my soon to be 6 & 8 year olds. They used to be so easy to get a long with. I noticed the change esp. in the youngest once she started going to Kindergarten. It seems like kids go to school & see how others act & thne think they can act the same way. I have never allowed my girls to act like fools so I am not sure why they think they are going to get away with it now. I do know that some things are just little kids being kids & learning to grow. I do have my limits as to what I will allow though.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Dec 06
I know--she is an angel around everyone else so it must be me that is the problem. She will do anything to defy me. She gets perfect marks for behavior in school and in the year and half she has been in school has never once been reprimanded for her behavior. Her teachers all say she is a blessing to have in class because she is so quiet and respectful. Huh? Not my kid, lol. Her troop leader says the same thing. It must be me then. Some days I think I am getting through the her. I am hoping we are getting past it and she is starting to understand that "fair" does not mean she always gets what she wants. Yesterday her sister was sick so I told her she had to clean her room by herself. The other day she was sick and her sister did it all. I thought it only fair. She didn't agree with me and demanded that her sister (who had a temp over 103) help her. I was making cookies and told her she couldn't have any until she cleaned the room. She screamed at me for over an hour but after she saw her brother and sister eating cookie dough she hurried and got it done. It took forever to convince her to clean but it only took her like 20 minutes to actually pick up. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she gets it soon.
• United States
29 Oct 10
I hope you respond to this even though I know it was five years ago. Did you ever find something that work? Our daughter is exactly like this. We paid $300 dollars to have her evaluated by psychologist and contemplating doing it again. They just gave us a magic reward chart which by the 2nd day could care less about doing it. It was a joke and called them on it and they told me I have a really strong willed child. Duh that is why I came to you. So just curious if anything turned her around.
• Canada
3 Nov 10
well im glad to know im not the only mom right now that struggles with an out of control 6 year old. if any of u find a solution that works please inform me. mt daughter is so bad for me that im physically and emotionally tired and out of ideas of what to do. i have done the hugging and kissing and the i love yous all the time but its not enough. i have also taken time out from my other two kids to spend time with her and its not enough for her. i have also held the door shut just so she wont fight me or hurt herself and she is vert strong willed so what does a parent do or who to go to for help....
• United States
29 Oct 10
I hope you respond to this even though I know it was five years ago. Did you ever find something that work? Our daughter is exactly like this. We paid $300 dollars to have her evaluated by psychologist and contemplating doing it again. They just gave us a magic reward chart which by the 2nd day could care less about doing it. It was a joke and called them on it and they told me I have a really strong willed child. Duh that is why I came to you. So just curious if anything turned her around.
• United States
29 Oct 10
I hope you respond to this even though I know it was five years ago. Did you ever find something that work? Our daughter is exactly like this. We paid $300 dollars to have her evaluated by psychologist and contemplating doing it again. They just gave us a magic reward chart which by the 2nd day could care less about doing it. It was a joke and called them on it and they told me I have a really strong willed child. Duh that is why I came to you. So just curious if anything turned her around.
• United States
20 Apr 09
i feel your pain i as well have a moody six year old she wont eat or if she does she then holds as much as she can in her mouth and she waits until i come around and then pukes on me. she kicks me straight up tells me no to everything, wont listen to a word i say and refuses to play with her siblings but when her dad or family come around she acts like an angel, i sometimes wont to die