Do you ever fully get over your first love?
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
December 17, 2007 10:10am CST
"I was angry. Whoever it is you fall in love with for the first time, not just love but be in love with, is the one who will always make you angry, the one you can’t be logical about. It may be that you are settled in another place, it may be that you are happy, but the one who took your heart wields final power."
- Jeanette Winterson, The Passion
Do you think this is true?
It's been years since my first love and I'm happy with my current partner and want to spend the rest of my life with him, yet from time to time I still go back and think about the first person I loved. I still analyse what went wrong and suffer over how they hurt me. Perhaps it's because I loved them so much and they really caused me pain in all the things they did, but I wonder if it's partly because your first love is always the one you never fully get over. Can you think logically about the first person that broke your heart?
3 people like this
11 responses
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
17 Dec 07
i think that we broke eachothers hearts do it was easy at the time. we both wanted some thing different and realzed that it just wouldn't work long term. my first love is still part of my life as a friend. so i don't really wonder what would have been. i see what would have been because he is now married. im glad i picked my husband. its great to be friends with matt but i am glad that brian is my husband. he is my all my every thing my best friend. we are all friends now. we go out to dinner when we are in eachothers towns but i think it all worked out for the best.
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
18 Dec 07
Wow, thank you for sharing such a personal experience. I couldn't stay friends with my first love. It was a really complicated situation and she hurt me too badly. It's really nice that you managed to stay friends so that you didn't have to lose the person from your life entirely. I'm also glad you found the right person for you and that you sound so happy now. Congratulations. :)
@calicot (256)
• Philippines
18 Dec 07
Imho, that's what makes us human phaedra-having emotions both positively and negatively. But it is how we analyse, accept, release and move on with our lives is I think that's important. You said you love him but made you angry so you broke up. Being your first love is truly difficult. But at some point in your life in order to move forward, maybe take all these emotionally charged memories and be your strength, learning/stepping stone for a much happier and fullfilled relationship. Just my thoughts. Hopefully you forgive and be happy my friend.
1 person likes this
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
18 Dec 07
Thank you, that's a very eloquent response.
I'm with a man now that I know I want to spend the rest of my life with. We're very much in love and have been together for 5 1/2 years, but still sometimes I think back to that complicated first love and wonder why they did what they did to hurt me so very much. The pain has been a great source of inspiration and growth in my life though, so I have to be grateful for the positive that grew out of the negative.
@lovelydame3000 (1577)
• India
17 Dec 07
Hi Phaedra_Scythe! Getting over ones first love is really difficult unless that person caused you trouble and hurt. I do not hate my first love but I am thankful that because of him I experienced something so wonderful. Ofcourse I know what went wrong in our relationship but I have no regrets whatsoever because I learned a lot from my relationship and became emotionally stronger.I also firmly beleave everything happens for best and that I would get what is in my destiny.Now I have fallen in love again and would not repeat my previous mistakes.
1 person likes this
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
18 Dec 07
Thanks for sharing such a personal story. It sounds like you moved on in a really healthy way. You do seem to learn the most from your first love and heartbreak. I suppose it's an introduction to love!
My first love did hurt me more than I can say and it was such a complicated situation that I still think about it sometimes, even though we broke up nearly 8 years ago and I haven't seen her since. I learned an awful lot, but unfortunately was left with a lot of questions unanswered too.
I wish you happiness in your new love. ;)
@kimberlylynn (978)
• United States
18 Dec 07
No, I don't think you ever do. Not that it's a bad thing, but eventually it becomes like a fairy tale that never had it's happy ending and you feel cheated.
1 person likes this
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
18 Dec 07
That's a really apt way of putting it. There is a lot that remains unanswered, at least with me. There's such a bittersweetness to it. The person will always have been an important part of your life because it was the first person you gave your heart to and the first time it was broken.
@bluemars (952)
• Australia
18 Dec 07
I do think that we do from time to time think about our first love but only because they were our first really. I mean it is hard not to think about them when they were the first ones to steal your heart away. I think that is normal but I don't think that really means that you should always think about them constantly because when you meet someone else that is better and more suited to you, they deserve the devotion they are giving you. I think that is only fair. I do think that we owe it to our partners but it is okay to enjoy the memories of the past, that is what we have from our lives and we take with us forever I think. I will remember my first but I also think about sometimes the things that will make us not be together because there were too many of them that make sense to me now.
1 person likes this
@zephyrzhz (5)
• China
18 Dec 07
Love is always hurtful,love is always sweet,that's the life.Although I often quarrel with my gf,I really love her and I believe she is the same.I have forgot my first gf at all,we should not always keep the pain in our mind.
1 person likes this
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
18 Dec 07
That's very true but also our hearts don't always lead us in the healthiest directions and no matter how we try and tell ourselves to heal and get over things, it doesn't always work.
@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
17 Dec 07
I think to a point you do. I mean you grow apart but you will never forget that love. I dont think it would be still loving them or having feelings, but remembering them as your first love and not wanting to forget that.
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
18 Dec 07
Yes that's very true! There's a nostalgia that never fully goes away because it was such an important first in your life.
I suppose with some people, myself included, it's harder also because of all the hurt visited upon you. It adds a lot more bitterness to the sweetness and some questions go forever unanswered, yet you can't help asking them from time to time.
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
18 Dec 07
Yeah I'm totally over my first love in the sense that I don't want to get back with her romantically anymore. Any reconnection that we can have from now on will only be friendship. I've fallen in love with someone new.
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
18 Dec 07
I wouldn't ever consider being with the person again as I love my current partner and am happy with him. He's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. However, my first love will always have a piece of my heart and I can't seem to ever stop wondering about all the unresolved hurts and questions. :(
@titaniumsoul (1191)
• Singapore
18 Dec 07
I cannot think logically about my first crush. Until now, I can't even understand the reason why I am so engrossed with my first crush. However, I have got over with it. I used to remember her likes, dislikes and everything about her. Currently, I have forgotten everything about her.
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
18 Dec 07
You never forget that first feeling of being in love though do you? Or the first heartbreak :(
@mrsjbelle (1640)
• United States
19 Dec 07
I honestly have no feelings of any sort for any ex. Could it be your simply remembering the good times not the ones that caused your incompatibility?
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
21 Dec 07
No, definitely not! It's the bad times that I go over and over in my mind and wonder about.
@bluemars (952)
• Australia
18 Dec 07
I do think that we do from time to time think about our first love but only because they were our first really. I mean it is hard not to think about them when they were the first ones to steal your heart away. I think that is normal but I don't think that really means that you should always think about them constantly because when you meet someone else that is better and more suited to you, they deserve the devotion they are giving you. I think that is only fair. I do think that we owe it to our partners but it is okay to enjoy the memories of the past, that is what we have from our lives and we take with us forever I think. I will remember my first but I also think about sometimes the things that will make us not be together because there were too many of them that make sense to me now.
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
18 Dec 07
That's all very true and it sounds like you have a really healthy way of looking at it.
I don't think about my ex all the time, just occasionally. I think it's because I never got the closure I needed and that I have so many unanswered questions that I struggle with it and that it still hurts me. I loved this person so violently and they destroyed me so utterly and I never understood why.
A new love is the only way to fully get over someone, but a trace always remains.
