Argument with the other....

@raydene (9875)
United States
December 18, 2007 9:08am CST
Here's the thing. ... Had another disagreement with my soon-to-be ex-husband... He just doesn't get it... He is still just concerned about himself... I had ask him if he goes out with someone to please just tell me so I don't get blindsided For instance Wal-Mart... he saw this as a personal attack what all I wanted was just not to be surprised... So of course he he started mentioning everything I had said in the past 10 years in took it all as a personal attack. I told him he just really doesn't know me... I also told him that he judges me by who he is. He is very selfish so of course he thinks unselfish... Finally he said " what you want me to do?" I told him to let someone else go first in line, let someone out ahead of him in traffic, pick up something someone dropped and handed to them, just do something nice for someone else without being asked, would how anyone looking, for no reason at all, just to do it, then he would understand what is in my heart and who I am I then told him after he did those things see how it made them feel our made him feel in his heart... Then you understand what is in my heart I'm not sure he could ever understand... Or has the capacity to even begin to see who I am... xoxoxooxo
4 people like this
8 responses
@tiffiny (884)
• United States
18 Dec 07
There's alot of people out there that are exactly like you. Sorry you got to find one who wasn't. I think that as he goes on in life he'll come around and realize that he'll need to put others before himself. I'm sorry that you were attacked by him.
1 person likes this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
18 Dec 07
Thank you so much for understanding weren't coming from.... kindness is in the hard understand is that? Thanks honey xoxoxooxox
@MsTickle (24752)
• Australia
21 Dec 07
Dear friend, I don't know how to say this without running the risk of offending you so I will start off saying...please just listen, take a step back and look at the whole picture here. 1) Your soon to be ex doesn't understand you and doesn't even want to try. Maybe a long time ago but it's too late to expect him to start now. 2) Why are you blindsided to see him with someone? He's been cheating on you for years, you threw him out, you know he has no idea who you are ....but do you really know him? He's been cheating on you and you didn't know. Do yopu honestly think he's capable of being unselfish and thoughtful and considerate NOW??? It's quite obvious that he is not the person you thought he was for a long time. If you want to figure him out and expect him to try and figure you out you have to start all over. IMO it's too late for that. I know this is hard for you sweetheart because you lived a life that was false for so long and it was the only life you knew. You now have to face reality. Start over by imagining youself shoving him out the door and slamming it shut behind him. You dust off your hans saying "good riddance to bad rubbish...then you grin. You have a fresh start. You have freedom...you can put yourself first and not worry about anyone else. Think of all that you have...not what you don't have. Think of all the reasons for you to be happy. There is NEVER any reason to be unhappy. We just need to turn things around till we find something to be glad about...(I'm a firm believer in the Pollyanna theory). You know I care about you, blessed be. xx
@Wiiguy (93)
• United States
21 Dec 07
I have to agree with Ms.Tickle here and she has valid points in this. Why even hurt yourself even more with someone that you thought you knew years ago? When a person's true colors reveal, it could very well be for the bad. Now I don't wish to judge your ex-husband at all, because he has been there for me and has been a good person to me, so I don't wish to call him names. But this is the time to start over. Don't hurt yourself longer by looking at him and the girl he's with. What's the point? Sooner or later, the pain has to die and you have to take care of yourself, first and foremost. No point in hurting yourself, R. None. I wish to see you happy, not be sad. I care for you and my cousins immensly and love them all, most of all you, R, one of my best friends in my world. If I was at your age, I would have definitely treated you with love, kindness, and respect. I know you'll find someone that will give you everything you wanted again. I know what you'll say it, but believe me, there is always someone better. You need to take control of yourself and your life and move on. If you EVER need anything, don't hesitate to call me, write to me, or talk to me at all. I'm here for you beautiful. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, The Wiiguy PS: Thanks Ms.Tickle for being there for R!!!!!!!!!!
@weemam (13389)
23 Dec 07
I know exactly where you are coming from with this sweetheart , People like you and me do these things because we feel it in our hearts , to be kind to someone or help someone is inside , we don't do it because we are asked or expected to , someone like your ex to be doesn't understand this , I don't think he will ever do these things because he wants to , he has proven he is selfish and thoughtless and all for himself , please don't let him change you from the sweet loving person you are xxx
@Wiiguy (93)
• United States
20 Dec 07
Hey R, First off, I wanted to say that I'm sorry that you're still going through this. This is why I avoid relationships, because they hurt in the end. I just wish there was some way I could make you happy again. A did tell me about the conversation and I was disappointed. I wanted to talk to you as well, see if you were ok and hearing your beautiful voice makes my day. The Wiiguy.
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
19 Dec 07
I would just ignore him Sweetie as he probably took it as a Personal attack because he knows what a horrible Creature he is And no he will never understand or see who you are Just like my Ex Husband he thinks you are in the wrong and tries to make you feel that it was your Fault I actually for a long time did doubt myself, and actually believed that it was my Fault that he was out spending Money all the time we did not have, that he was having affairs, that he had to be cruel to me, Mentally and verbally abuse me as I was nobody as he wants told me I was nothing special I am still no one special but I also know it was not my Fault So you are the good Person not him and he could never be as lovely and good Hearted as you Love you xxxxx
@mensab (4208)
• Philippines
18 Dec 07
a partner is suposed to understand us. i have an expectation in the relationshp i am in. these expectations provide me a clear idea and picture of whom id like to be with.however, i am at times attracted to someone who does not fulfill my expectations. and in my effort to make her be like my expectations, i get frustrated in the process because she is not like that. i know what you mean and i wholly understand you.
@mummymo (23709)
18 Dec 07
Mom he could never be a wonderful, big hearted and loving person the way you are - simply because it does not come naturally to him! I think you have reacted to all this with the utmost dignity and self respect and I sure wish he could realise the hurt he inflicted on you - I hope you are feeling better now! xxx
• India
18 Dec 07
There is problem when someone really doesnt know our feelings !its better to ignore someone who is not ready to understand !dnt make someone yours who doesnt understand !else it hurts more someone close to us does something wrong infront of us !argument is the route of fighting!!