Can you marry someone without loving just for the sake of getting married?

@subha12 (18453)
India
December 24, 2007 2:53am CST
It really makes me surprised. In my country, if you don't have affair, parents will force you to get married after a certain age.In this case they settle for arranged marriage. In this case you may not love or like the person but your parents force you to mary that person as they think he/she can be your life partner. I do not think it is at all justified. what is your view?
8 people like this
45 responses
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
24 Dec 07
Dear Subha, there are many pros and cons. Suppose, the girl is not in love with any other person and the parents want to get her married to a suitable guy. In that case, there shouldn't be any problem. After all parents always want the best of their child. If she doesn't want to marry at all, that is some other point altogether. Parental instinct are such that they want to ensure a bright future for their children and we should appreciate that. However, when they tend to go overboard we should try to reason with them. I am sure they will understand. Good luck!
2 people like this
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
24 Dec 07
I agree with you, Mimpil, that all parents want the best for their child even if it is "forced" marriage.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
25 Dec 07
I agree with both of you. But I wonder how a person can live a life with a person whom he/she does not love actually.
2 people like this
@Ngippol (567)
• Philippines
24 Dec 07
Parents should not be making decisions for their children in the case of marriage. Often times, parents are pushing too much to the point that you don't have space to move or make decisions. You can talk to your parents about it and express your point. Though there are times when those arrangements work but most of the time, it ends up with more trouble.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
25 Dec 07
yes. At some point its so much of pushing.
2 people like this
24 Dec 07
It isn't fair,but it is the way it goes in many countries. Parents think they are doing the right thing in these cases,but I think people should meet naturally,not forced to be with someone they don't know. It needs more children to say no to these arranged marriages,but I doubt this will ever happen.. Happy holiday to you.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
25 Dec 07
you are right i think
2 people like this
• China
8 Jan 08
i am arranged by my parents to meet three girls this week.friday for a tall girl, saturday for a woman teacher,sunday for a visiting girl.oh my buddha, i am bored for that,but i'm in china,and i must face that.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 08
Can you? Sure. If you want to end up miserable, unhappy and wanting to get out for the rest of your life. Just seems like a terrible waste, to throw all of your love away on someone you don't know, if you're not even sure there will be any chemistry there or not.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24983)
• Australia
30 Dec 07
Well of course you can. It may be an unhappy marriage though. In my country, there is no such thing as an arranged marriage. The idea holds no merit for us. Young adults generally do their own thing and grow away from their parents. To think of a young adult obeying their parents wishes to this degree is laughable. It would never happen. I suppose it could work if both parties were comfortable with the idea and prepared to do their duty to one another. I'm sure as the couple become used to each other they will come to like each other. It would be awful if you both were not compatible. I'm sure parents choose the partners most carefully.
1 person likes this
@shekher (272)
• India
28 Dec 07
hi subha its really a matured matter to comment but in my view arrange marriage is more reliable inspite of not knowing ech other. in arrange marriage its a plus point that both the party r likely to adjust whichever condition is but in love marriage its chance tends to zeroed. b'coz they pretend to know each other well there is very little chance to improve. so in our country its the best way to marriage is arrange marriage
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
28 Dec 07
I really couldn't do it. Other people might be able to do so...but I really couldn't.
1 person likes this
@johndur (3049)
• Pasig, Philippines
27 Dec 07
its not fair for some who wanted to find their true love.its true that love can be taught but heart cant be deceived.if you marry someone you dont love,you only marry him for companionship and not for love.what if you found love along the road when you are already married to someone you dont love.its crazy for such things to
1 person likes this
27 Dec 07
you are surprised but in india it was comming from the so many years it is our culture and arrange marrage is also very good dont feel so bad on the arrange marrage by the do u have any lover or wat........or love failure dont mine i dont want to discoursge u but it is my openinin
• Kuwait
27 Dec 07
Yeah that is not justified,,, and for me it will just add to high number of divorce and broken family..or battered wife.. but sometimes if we got lucky we fall inlove in our partner in the long run of the marriage,,,
@ssh123 (31100)
• India
24 Dec 07
May not. Now that I am married and I did not know my wife earlier. May be before engagement we talked for couple of hours and we agreed and later we gave our consent to our respective parents. That is how most of the Indian marriages take place. Nothing devastating happens here and by and large it is a good going and for most Indians it is a sacred ceremony and tieing a knot is for everlasting relationship in the process of building a family.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
25 Dec 07
you are right in case of the outcome. But In many arranged marriages I have seen there is nothing called love or so. Only people stay in marriage as divorce is not seen a good thing in India.
1 person likes this
@ssh123 (31100)
• India
25 Dec 07
If one has adopted three 'A's, one will not find such problems. A = Appreciate what your partner is A = Adjust for minor short comings. Everyone will have. A = Appreciate for whatever small or big your partner has contribtued.
@Modestah (11192)
• United States
12 Jan 08
I think there is a lot to be said of arranged marriages, and all children should consider their parents input about a desired spouse. love is not an emotion, but an act of the will. so you can bring yourself to loving an arranged marriage as much as one of your own choosing, maybe even more... I say this because in one of your own choosing you may be marrying thinking you are in love due to a physical attraction or some other base reason, only to find out later you are incompatible.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
17 Jan 08
yes you are also right. But the idea look a little weird to me.
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
9 Jan 08
Hey my new friend! I do agree with you its really sad and should not be like that. No one should be made to get married. In my country its not like that and Im sure glad about that.LOL
@subha12 (18453)
• India
17 Jan 08
hi, thanks for your reply. its correct that they force children to get married with the person oftheir own choice. Now things are changing slightly. Would be couples are allowed to talk before marriage. But I think when everything is settled, at that point if you think the person is not for you, there is no good.
@aseretdd (13736)
• Philippines
24 Dec 07
I definitely agree with you... arranged marriages are not that accepted anymore by the younger generation... people prefer to marry because of love and not because of their parent's choice... in my country... i don't know of any couple who married because it was arranged by their parents... but most often... i here that in some countries like China, Korea, and India... this kind of marriage is still being practiced... all should be give the right to choose whom they want to marry or if they want to marry at all...
@subha12 (18453)
• India
25 Dec 07
absolutely right. thanks for reply.
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
24 Dec 07
It may not be justified in the eyes of many. From another angle, how justifiable are marriages from one's will if the marriage ended up in a divorce. Personally, I feel it may work if both have the same desire to make the marriage work. They will work towards loving and committing to each other. It is the same as falling in love before marriage.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
25 Dec 07
yes you are right. But I have little doubt of loving a person after marriage a new. Also it is seen in many cases of arranged marriage in my country is that there is no love at all, there is just some understanding so that the relation look good to others but there is actually nothing.
2 people like this
• Philippines
24 Dec 07
Well, it depends on the tradition. Traditional chinese people have fixed marriages but I guess very few are still practicing it in the present. As for my view, I don't think I could marry someone without love between us.
• Philippines
24 Dec 07
Hmm well I don't know but I don't really hear much about fixed marriages of Chinese people in the PHilippines (my country) anymore that's why I wrote that. :)
@dlsheng (136)
• China
21 Jan 08
yes. if you understand your parents you would do it. sometimes we must consider the relation of society, we lived but not for ourselver.
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
16 Jan 08
In my country I have a choice. I can marry or not marry. I choose my own partner and my own life. Marrying someone without love can still happen if I allow it to happen to me. I have a friend who did just that, he doesn't regret the marriage but he said he is not totally happy with the girl he married. He has his reason for doing it. It was his choice. For me, i will marry the man I Love . i will marry the man I want to be the father of my children. This choice may not be to the liking of my father and mother but whether i made a right choice or not, does not matter to me because at the end of the day it is me who will live this life and not my family.
• Philippines
16 Jan 08
Thats the belief of oldies. Because marrying with someone without love is miserable. How can you teach your kids about love if you don't have love in your partner.