mom or dad??

break-ups - broken hearts suck
United States
January 15, 2008 12:47am CST
Sadly I am getting out of a long term relationship with my fiance. we have a 2 year old son who is amazing and of course problems arise with visitation of him. We arent married so we have avoided court and are trying to be civil. My question is who does the kid live with? In the obvious cases with drugs and abuse the answer is simple, what about when you have two great parents? How do you decide? Both are equal to the child, so how what is fair? I of course want him to live with me and he wants him with him, so I'm just trying to get some insight. Can people really make arrangements and keep them with visitation or will it ultimately end up a fight in court? advice?
1 person likes this
3 responses
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
21 Jan 08
Just a warning...I dont know what the laws are where you live but you MIGHT want to consider lookign into them because where I'm from (Ontario) WITHOUT a court order there is NO legal custody...Which meant that if my ex took the kids for a visit he DID NOT have to bring them back and legally there wasnt a damn thing I could do aobut it..... That being said, if you two are able to be honest and civil with one another than you need to sit down and talk about it..maybe going to court and getting JOINT custody is the best way...if thats not an option then I'd have to say the home that is best equipped finacially, emotionally, time wise etc etc is the best home for the child to reside in...
• United States
21 Jan 08
yeah i believe it is the same here too. i agree with you and maybe thats what needs to happen. the main thing is that we wont be able to decide who should get him, we both think we are the better parent, so i think a judge's ruling is what needs to happen so we have those boundries to follow and there's no argument. he will have to be in one house or the other when he goes to school, so might as well do it now. neither of us has done anything wrong, so i dont know how they'd decide, joint might be the answer. we werent married doesnt that make a big difference?
@rocker21 (2717)
• India
10 Aug 08
Dont seperate, atleast for the kid!
• United States
25 Jun 08
First of all - no matter what decision you reach together, you need to put it in writing and take it to court. Custody has to be "ordered" by the court to prevent future disputes. Second - why not go with joint custody? If the two of you are both great parents, and you both want what is best for your child then you shouldn't have any problem working together to provide an equal and loving life for your child. In any situation, if the parents can get along - joint custody is the way to go. From there you can decide several things: Do you go by the week? By the month? How do you work it out? There are so many options and so many ways to work it out that the options are endless! Just make sure you sit down, talk it over and then put it in writing! It probably wouldn't hurt to go over "support" as well, check the laws of your state, and add that into the agreement. The more you agree on, the less the court decides! Good luck!