"I'm Despondent... But I Search For Nothing Different"
January 24, 2008 8:58am CST
"Even if I die every single day from a deep depression, it's my own self that invites this gloom to consume..." " I Loath Myself... But it's All a Product of Me " When I view at the mirror, all that I see, is a soul drenched in the liquid of horrid depravity. All that I can fathom is the foul felicity of a dream that is destroyed beyond a capable capacity. Nothing of who I am is pleasant. I'm full of errant notions and a mind that is never incandescent. All that I ever truly prove to be, is a fragmented mind with brevity in intellectual productivity. It shames my heart to know of such lowly standards. Of the way I work to be so lowly in mind as well as my actions.. in this universal product. I know not of success or of adversity. I am a mind drenched in a total feeling of solitary depravity. And my soul is screaming foul every time. And my being is unsure of all aspects. And I try to drive on further and hopefully climb, but I falter in this futile endeavor. I love the artistic notions of this talented world. I love the expression of the passions of the soul that is pure of candor. But when it comes to my minds validity, I drench it with nothing but deceptive self mutilating slander. And its myself that crumbles every single plan. I am the one that unravels every single strand. So no matter how much I plead for a show of kindness and sympathy. I am the one that drives my own persona into a deep ambiguity. - ZeN
29 Jan 08
Very deep analysis of your "self". But you are acutally not what you were disgusted with, otherwise you could not feel distant from it, and have such an analysis about it. So don't feel bad about yourself. If we identify with our bodies, then we are really rotten. No one is better than you. But luckily, we are not :)... Sincerely hope you are well!