I need some advices about smoothing grandmother's grief for missing grandfather?

China
January 27, 2008 4:01am CST
My grandparents spent almost 60 years together since they're married.There is a deep affection between them,both of them're accustomed to have each other in the life. But my grandfather died in lung disease a few months ago. My grandmother cannot release from this grief for a long time and insists in staying at the old house which she shared with my grandfather for more than half a century.My father and uncle adivsed her to live with us,but she refused.All of us become very anxious about her ,I don't know how can smooth her emotion and distract her sadness.
2 people like this
5 responses
27 Jan 08
I've lost both my parents to cancer within a year. I've been a real mess for sometimes. I am just getting over it 5 years later. The best way for me was to talk about it a lot but everyone is different...
1 person likes this
• China
28 Jan 08
Every time my grandmother talks or remembers the good times she spent with grandfather,she always cannot help breaking into tears.Nice past times is always so appealing for the old.For the young, they can expect future,but for the old they are more inclined to recollect the past years. So I often listen to my grandmother's old stories, most of which I ever never heard before.
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
27 Jan 08
There isn't much anyone can say or do to ease the grief after someone loses a partner of so many years, it will take time. Sometimes the elderly feel they are burdon on their married children, just a suggestion after some time maybe you could make the situation as you needing help, I don't how you could do this but everyone wants to feel needed and no one wants to fee a burden. So maybe if you can make her see in some way she would be helping you out in some way... I wish you all the best with this...
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
28 Jan 08
I am so sorry I didn't mean she was a burden but some old people think they are...just let her grieve and make her feel useful is what I meant... I wish you the best...
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
28 Jan 08
That is tough. your grandmother had almost 60 years with him and she doesn't wanna let go of what they had together. She needs to grieve and the best advice I can give you is to just be there for her...help her through the grieving process. That is very tramatic for anyone, but after that many years i wouldn't know what to do. I would just make sure to visit all the time, make sure she's eating and not in such great depression that she has quit. Let her know that no matter what you are there for her and will help her through this. If she doesn't wanna move yet, then I wouldn't try and pressure her into it. She still needs to feel that she is independant and that is okay. Let her know you will do what ever you need to for her. It will take time for this to start smoothing out for her, but she will never completely get over the loss of the man she had in her life for so long. keep us posted and I will be praying for your grandmother. God bless
• China
29 Jan 08
Thanks for your kindness,god bless you too.
@magica (3710)
• Bulgaria
27 Jan 08
Some people are more sensitive and then more when they are old:-( It`s very hard period for your grandma now.She has lost her partner, but also she is afraid of the loneliness and the future more then you can imagine.You can visit her more often or call her every day.Show her all your love now. And give her some more time, may be she will change her desicion.
• Philippines
27 Jan 08
grieving is a normal way for all of us. we cannot avoid or forcingly stop this. i think the best way to help your grandmother is to support her. give your shoulder to cry on. always be there beside her, make her feel that you care for her. listen to her stories. make her a cup of coffee everytime you visit her. bring cookies or chocolates everytime you visit her. join her in watching t.v./news. cook for her sometime. cook her favorite meal. join her in browsing albums and photos, when she cry grab her her hand or allow her head to lean on your shoulder and give her a hanky. from doing this from time to time will help her from moving on. just give her a time to move on. hope this will help you...