People and Committment Issues.....Why OHHH WHY......

I would think that anyone who is afraid to commit is simply in fear of the unknown. When you are in a committed relationship, you don't have any control.. and for so many of us, such as myself, we are used to taking control of our lives and the situations in them. But in a relationship, you have zero control over what the other person says, does, or feels. And when you're used to having control of what's going to happen (for the most part), then it's pretty darn scary to think it could all be pulled out from under you at any moment. I was dating someone for almost 2 months recently, and I found that I really didn't want to commit to him at all. Sure, he was totally into me, but one of the biggest turn offs for me was the idea of having someone new to mesh into my life. I am a single mom to 3 amazing boys. We have a comfortable life, we have our own routine, and we have goals we are accomplishing. The thought of adding a man into that mix made me ill. I don't want that. I have my own life, and I want him to have his. There are also certain expectations that the titles of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" come with. When you state you're in a committed relationship, you are pretty much expected to do certain things that you wouldn't under different circumstances. Valentine's day for example... if you're in a "relationship", you'd better make sure you have SOMETHING for your honey... even if just a small token of appreciation or a card. But if that commitment title isn't there... it's not really necessary. Same goes with holidays and acknowledging various celebrations (like anniversaries, birthdays, family get togethers, etc)... when in a relationship, you are "expected" to take part in those things together. The above suggestion I made is rather stereotypical.. but I think there's a lot of truth in it. It would be better if people could stop and remember that they can still make a commitment to another person, but it doesn't mean the relationship has to fit within those strict boundaries. What's wrong with living in separate households? What's wrong with doing individual family things for Christmas? What's wrong with not giving your love a card for valentine's day? Nothing is wrong with that! Nothing at all. :)

I think it's different for each person. I also think that not everyone even knows why that they have these issues. I think a lot of poeople have abandonment issues that create the commitment issues (afraid of being hurt and abandoned again). And I think that some people are afraid of letting someone have that much control over them too.

In my case it's the girl who seems to have commitment issues. I guess with so many failed relationships around she's afraid of getting hurt. Oh well (sigh)

The divorce rate has something to do with it as well as the fact that everyone is career driven these days.