What Do You Think Is The Hardest Thing About a Relationship?

@Malyck (3430)
Australia
February 5, 2008 6:37pm CST
In all relationships we have the great, good and not so good times. I'm just wondering what the people of the world think is the toughest thing about a romantic relationship. In my opinion, it would have to be adjusting to having someone in your life, taking up your time and just being around. I'm very independent, and it's difficult sometimes to let my significant other in, and get used to having help and support in certain areas. What do you think?
9 people like this
29 responses
• United States
6 Feb 08
I was out of a relationship for a long time and then i prayed for someone decent and the man i am with has been with me for nearly 5 years in June. Keeping a relationship from getting too bored can be a struggle. You want to keep your partner interested in you. I am an independent person myself and so is he and at times you just need some alone time and we give each other that and that is important too; you know to have your own life. This question can be answered in various ways depending on the couple i believe. Do you live together? my sweetie is going to be moving in with me soon and i worry about (well not worry) but i do wonder how it's going to be with him living there. One thing i do know is that he is clean and cleans up after himself. That right there in itself is a blessing for a woman : )
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
6 Feb 08
I definitely agree with you on keeping yourself interested, and your partner interested in you and the relationship. After being together for a while, we can start to take our time together for granted and things become less "special". Keeping that flame alive can be really tough. We do live together, first I lived with him and his family for about 6 months, to help out when his mother got sick, but after that time it got too much to live there, especially since he has young siblings and we're both still students. He now lives with me. He's very capable of cleaning up after himself, but he tends to procrastinate - even more than me, which is really saying something. So some things will get dumped or left around to clean up "later". Having him around all the time, both here and when I lived in his home was really tough, as I'm very much into time to myself, but we're in the groove of things now, and I wouldn't change a thing =) Best of luck with your man! =D
• China
6 Feb 08
hope you are happy with your love. Love is a happy and important thing in the life. By the way, Happy Chinese New Year.
@aswinbio (174)
• India
5 May 08
according to me the hardest thing is understanding. if we understand each other properly then there is nothing to worry about it.
1 person likes this
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
5 May 08
That's so true! Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Aswinbio, and have a lovely day! =D
@rhane7315 (5674)
• Philippines
5 May 08
well for me the toughest would be all about my bf's mom because his mom was really into some old chinese tradition
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
6 May 08
Cultural differences and generational differences is a big issue with the family/friends of your partner. What kind of traditions?
@rhane7315 (5674)
• Philippines
7 May 08
some of their old tradition that his mom has like "a chinese should marry a chinese"
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
7 May 08
Oh yes, I know what you mean. Things that don't really apply any more, in our modern world =) I wish you and your boyfriend all the happiness in the world. =D
@dangnabit67 (2021)
• United States
6 May 08
The hardest part is keeping the love and romance alive.
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
7 May 08
Yes, yes! But it can also be one of the most exciting parts ;) lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 08
I did get flowers tonight. Pink my favorite color even. That is romantic and lead to other things-LOL
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
7 May 08
*giggle* woot woo!
@underdogtoo (9600)
• Philippines
7 May 08
I agree with you that adjusting is a most difficult thing but more difficult would be to subsume your feelings in order to keep the relationship afloat. That is difficult more difficult than when you have to adjust but to accept that which is impossible to accept for the sake of the relationship. And that is not necessarily a good thing. Maybe it would be better to be yourself and just let the other person adjust or for the both of you to separate.
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
7 May 08
My partner and I are lucky to both accept each other for who we are, so I never really have to subdue my feelings or true self - it's natural to make compromises in a relationship, as you are two individuals coming together to make something work. =D Thanks for your comment, and have a great day!
@subha12 (18462)
• India
7 May 08
i think relation itself is a complex thing. we may think its going well, but there are nitty gritty that may not work all well all times. i have seen it myself. trust is one main thing that should be there.respect for each other and so many things.
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
7 May 08
You speak the truth. They are very complex indeed. But that's part of the joy of it =) Trust, respect and open communication are things that my boyfriend and I hold in high import in our relationship =)
• New Zealand
7 May 08
Hi there. In my previous relationship it seemed to be the fact of finding the right thing for all of the things like time apart from one another, who was comfortable with what at which time and things like that. Catch ya later.
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
7 May 08
It's like that in my relationship now, it can be hard to spend time apart, even when time together can cause tension. Thanks for your response, and have a great day!
@anawar (2406)
• United States
6 May 08
If I were to write my opinion on relationships, I would use the very words you did. I'm very independent and require plenty of space and time to myself. Relationships are about comprimise. You have to watch out for your partner's special needs and be respectful. It means you don't always get what you want. It's hard to sit down and talk out all the conflicting emotions, and acknowledge that both of you are valid in your feelings. I prefer to be alone, but the price of being alone is sometimes being lonely. Then I remember about all the comprimises and blending of two personalities and I know I am not a relationship person. (until the next time! lol)
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
7 May 08
until the nect time! I hear you on that one =) If my current relationship ends, I can see myself swearing off relationships for quite some time... It is hard to talk it all out - it's the hardest and most necessary thing, I think. To share our feelings, meet each other halfway etc. Thanks for your response Ana!
@jesbellaine (4157)
• Philippines
6 May 08
Sometimes the hardest thing about being in a relationship is to keep the understanding flowing in both ends especially when it concerns the families.
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
7 May 08
I hear you - that's a big issue for my boyfriend and I, as I have real difficulty understanding the reasons behind his parents actions etc. =D
• Hong Kong
5 May 08
I think it's the compromises both sides need to make. I think that would be the hardest because each compromise contains sacrifices. And who could guarantee that no one will regret or blame the other on the compromises they have made. It's a beautiful thing but it really takes both sides to work!
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
5 May 08
I couldn't agree with you more. Love itself doesn't take work, but two individuals coming together does take a lot - to ensure that there is no hierarchy, that there is respect etc. Compromises can be difficult - one thing I find really tough is learning to share my own space, and accept that my boyfriend doesn't need to run everything by me. =P
• United States
6 Feb 08
Hi Malyck, For me the biggest issue has to be trust. I have been hurt numerous times in past relationships, and it gets harder and harder to trust someone new. I can fall in love, but there is still a hint of distrust within me and it drives me crazy. I too am very independent, and when I get asked "Who are you talking to?" OR "Why are you doing that?" - I shut my significant other out. I tend to feel that it's my business and not his, so why should he even bother to ask. Don't get me wrong...I love being in a relationship, but it just takes lots of time for me to fully trust someone these days.
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
6 Feb 08
Oh, I know that feeling all too well. It's even more frustrating when he asks me who it is while I'm talking, or gets irritated (at times) because the call came while he was talking, so he thinks it's okay to just continue his conversation with me. I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite, though, some days I'll want to know who sent him a message or who he was talking to. I think the difference is asking out of interest and asking in jealousy, although either way unless they tell you, it's obviously not for you to know. =)
• United States
6 Feb 08
In my opinion, it would be trust and faith. Even though at times I think I'm too trusting, you just never know what the other person is REALLY like. Only time will tell. Do you listen to your gut instinct or your heart?
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
6 Feb 08
I definitely agree, more so at the beginning of the relationship, learning to trust someone. Generally someone who is trustworthy (in my opinion) won't break your trust, so once it's established it's one hurdle over. But like you said, only time will tell. For the most part I think I'm pretty rational and listen to my gut instinct, I'm pretty intuitive... But of course there are times when I'm clouded by emotion. I never ignore a vibe that I get off a person though, but unfortunately there have been people in the past who have hurt me deeply and I never saw it coming. =/
@katkah (235)
• United States
6 Feb 08
I think the hardest part of a relationship is letting go of the past. We've all been hurt before & so we are guarded against feeling that pain again. We need to remember that the scars we carry from before were not inflicted by who we are with now.
@katkah (235)
• United States
6 Feb 08
I'm still fighting my boyfriend's ghosts it seems. He had some really rough ex's. But he knows where his issues come from and very often thanks me for "putting up with him"... lol I love it when he tells me I'm the most wonderful woman he's ever known. I laugh and say, it's easy when your perfect like I am...lmao he knows I'm just having fun- it isn't good to be too serious all the time.
• United States
6 Feb 08
With my current relationship it is still hard for me to not be the one "wearing the pants" so to speak. Every guy I have been with in the past 10 years I was the one in charge because I made more money and was more organized. My current sweetie makes almost 3xs what I do and even though he has never come out and said so he is in charge. I think if he were to ever put his foot down and demand that bills get paid how and when he wants them paid instead of just adapting to the way I do it, or make it a point to tell me that things are going to be done his way that him and I would have problems.
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
6 Feb 08
I have a kind of similar problem, because I'm very organised and a bit anal about how things get done, so it's been such a change for me to not always determine how everything is done, or to be the one doing it. It's great when you and your partner adapt together, I guess that's how relationships work - mutual sacrifice and understanding. Thank you for your response, and best of luck for the future =D
• Canada
7 Feb 08
In my work as a life coach I think the hardest thing within many relationships is being REALLY honest...with oneself and the partner. Sometimes thoughts, feelings and emotions need to be discussed within a non-accusatory way...but are not. Consequently things are not resolved...and when things build up conflicts arise. Sometimes things are said and done that are hurtful. When that pattern starts people can have very long memories. Then they drag 'stuff' up from the past and hit their partner's over the head with it like a club with often devastating consequences. Risking honesty can be really daunting tin all relationships because society teaches kids early that their voices are not always something that adults want to hear. In my personal and professional experience I think that in openness there is trust...and in trust there is love. Without that relationships can be hard alright. In regard to adjusting to others...that can be challenging..but well worth it if people are willing to get over themselves and work together in loving co-operation. I know that for sure. I have been with my hubby for 18 years...and any adjusting I had to do was worth the effort...he is a keeper and I love him to pieces. Raia
• United States
6 Feb 08
TRUST, because once one person messes up, people start acting stubborn thats why i think it's trust
6 Feb 08
Put simply; Complete and total honest to the committment, and a willingness to talk about anything and everything.
@ellie333 (21029)
6 Feb 08
Honesty - I have always been honest in any relationship and my new partner having past baggage from women who had in fact cheated and not been honest found that very hard to cope with. If I felt something I said it, he said he found it refreshing too but took him ages to get his head round it. Having been alone and independent for a while I also found him being round too often felt like an invasion of my privacy, we still do not live together but feel we have now got the balance right.
• India
6 Feb 08
I think the hardest thing in a relationship is to have the ability to overcome any hardships and troubles.once you are in a relationship you have to be committed.no half hearted measures should be there.if you are in a relationship always see that you give your heart completely to it.
• Trinidad And Tobago
6 Feb 08
Hey i think that the point of a relationship is for each partner to complement each other...It's nice to let someone share your happiness how boring would it be if you did everything on your own, u need someone to share fun times as well as the hard times. I think that when you are interested in someone you wont feel its "taking up your time" but rather you would be elated to spend time with someone. In light of that, i think that the hardest thing is adjusting to the differences, personality, ways...coping mechanisms compromise and space as well.