How do you handle a fussy baby

United States
February 7, 2008 6:53pm CST
My son is three weeks old and I love him to pieces however he has a habit of throwing a tantrum to the point of wearing his little lungs out. I feed him and burp him then sit him in his little seat while i finally eat something and he starts throwing a tantrum the moment I start eating or when I go to take a shower. I have tried putting on classical music and talking with him. I have tried sitting next to him as I eat and when I shower put him in the bathroom with me however he still gets fussy. How do I handle this? I can't hold him 24/7 and their are times when I have to pee and almost pee myself because I am so busy trying to calm him down. What do I do?
2 people like this
13 responses
@lightningd (1039)
• United States
8 Feb 08
I went through something similar with my oldest, and my mom showed me the miracle cure. I could not lay him down without him screaming his head off. It seemed he had to be held all the time. It was so bad that just getting him to sleep was terrible. Well, my mom showed me how to "swaddle" him in a receiving blanket. Basically, take a receiving blanket, lay it flat, and you tuck their arms at their sides or folded comfortably across the body in a natural resting position, lay the on it with their head towards one corner. Bring up one side, bring it around the body and tuck it under their back. You want it to be fairly snug, but not so tight they can't breathe. then you fold the bottom corner up towards their chest, then bring the other side around. You're basically wrapping them up like a burrito. The reasoning behind this is simple. This baby has been developing in your womb which is quite frankly a little cocoon. The baby is very snug in there. Now all of a sudden, they are out in this great big world and they are no longer in that tight secure place. I said it would never work... but for the first time, that child laid quietly in that blanket, and was a happy camper. I would give it a try. I do want to warn you of one trap many first time moms fall into, and that is letting the child sleep with you at night. You will find that the older the child is, the harder it will be to get them to sleep in their own crib or bed without world war three breaking out. Don't let it start. One thing you should realize is that a baby can't "wear his lungs out". Sometimes you just have to let them cry. They will learn, even at a young age that the crying is a way to signal they are wet, tired, hungry, ect. The child does need to learn some self coping tools. Letting him cry most certainly will not harm him. But honnestly, try the swaddling. I swear to you, I thought my mom was NUTS when she told me to just shut up and watch. The child was quiet and happy for more than 2 hours, until he got hungry again. I hope that gives you a little releif.
2 people like this
@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
8 Feb 08
Yep swaddling is a great idea and works wonders with many young babies, even in warm countries!
@cher8558 (425)
• Canada
8 Feb 08
Hi there. I totally agree with the swaddling method. It is only natural that a new born baby would feel (out there) with his/her legs and arms flailing everywhere. Also out of my three children (all grown now) my one boy definitely had colic. This was the most frustrating thing to figure out. It would always start at 6:00 p.m., until 8 p.m. (You could set your watch by it). The only thing you can do for this is to hold him/her close to your body. I think it is the heat from your body but I really don't know. I just know that was the only solution. Otherwise this baby was just wonderful. He never wanted anything except between those hours. His little legs would come up which enforced the fact even more that it was colic (a bowel/gassy disease). Luckily they grow out of it within about 2 - 3 months. Good luck mom. Been there, done that. Loved it. Cheryl
• United States
8 Feb 08
Trust me it is ok to let him cry while you go to the bathroom. :) As long as you are not letting him cry for prolonged periods of time, you are not harming him by letting him cry. I agree with the PP about getting a sling or carrier. Remember that your son is used to being in utero and the new world is unpleasant for him. He sees you as his comfort and will fuss when he needs soothing. Another thing that I would suggest, since babies do sleep alot, is to try and do your eating, cleaning, showering, etc, while baby is napping. My middle daughter was really fussy and we just had to wing it for a few months by the time she was 3 months old she was more like the other too. Some children just take longer to adjust to life outside of mommy.
@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
8 Feb 08
I had a sling with my second child and it was awesome!
@vanities (11395)
• Davao, Philippines
8 Feb 08
i understand what you feel and situation regarding babies...maybe you should leave him and observed whats going to happened next instead of holding him immediately as soon as he cries..as long as he is full and not wet i guess hell be ok..maybe he had a gas pain or whatever?? thats what i do to my children when they were still babies...i put some pillows on both sides as if someone is hugging him to that effect...and music...
@Liasonfan (1702)
• Canada
8 Feb 08
Some babies are just like that. My youngest daughter was like that and so was her daughter. Love, patience and understanding go a lomg way. Sometimes you need to put them down and let them cry. Remember he is not doing it on purpose and at 3 weeks old, I doubt it is a tantrum, sounds like it could be colic. If he cries xonstantly you need to get some time away from the crying and do things for yourself, even if it means getting dad or a trusted babysitter to help out. Check with your doctor and find out if it is colic or is something that is making him uncomfortable, you want to do something to help him if at all possible. If he just has 'fussy' periods, then maybe you can eventually predict when they will be and sjust sit and rockhim or something. Hope this helps somewhat. From a 'grammy' of 4 beautoful gramdbabies and one who also did daycare for 20 years. I can still put a baby to sleep just by holding and rocking, lol! Oh, and with my neice, they used to put her in the baby seat amd set her on top of the dryer, the vibration seemed to comfort her, just a thought! Good luck and congrats on your new baby!
@lpetges (3036)
• United States
8 Feb 08
welcome to motherhood! i had one out of 3 kids that was so fussy, i thought id go crazy. boy that was a long time ago! I remember tho, that humming with my head his little cheeks made him relax, a little. some babies are colicky...and some are just fussy. just love him and know that nothing lasts forever! they grow up so fast, you will wish for these days once again. really you will!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 08
my little brother was extremly fussy baby. one of the best ways i could calm him down while going about my chores were to but him in one of the slings that wrap around your body. he was still able to be with me with the motion of my body to calm him down. another thing is putting him in one of the rocking seats of baby's and putting on Baby Einstein. Baby Einstein rocks! it mixes classical music with bright colors and shapes.
1 person likes this
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
8 Feb 08
I don't think your son is old enough to throw tantrums. Sounds pretty normal to me. He may have colic, Or alot of gas. You could do what we did. Try Mylacon. We used it. And it cut down on the crying alot. Go pee. Put him down for the 2 minutes its going to take you. He will be fine. Good luck and welcome to parenthood.
@SUMM3R (18)
• United States
10 Feb 08
Babies go through a stage of what is called purple crying... its nothing you are doing wrong... Itmight be colic... Have you talked to your doctor about it... I used to put my sons in a swing or a bouncer and it alway soothed them...You can bounce him in a bouncer while you are eating...If it gets to be too much just put him down and walk out of the room... take a break... Having a new baby isnt easy so you just have to try different things and figure out what works best for him. Hope things get better...
@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
8 Feb 08
Sorry to hear that your introduction to motherhood is so crap! Unfortunately some mothers really luck out in terms of their baby's temperament in the first few months (or more). Rest assured it is not your fault and you have done nothing wrong. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason why some mums, have babies they are fussy or high need. I am guessing that you are very aware of what a high need baby is, I recently wrote an article on the very topic if you want to read more http://www.helium.com/tm/845016 I have also written a little about colic which you may find useful http://parenting.youk.uk.com/bm~tags/colic/ And finally some info on calming a baby http://parenting.youk.uk.com/bm/babies/calming-a-baby.shtml Hang in there and I hope this helps, rest assured you are not only in this battle. (((:Big motherly hug to you:)))
@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
8 Feb 08
Oh I forgot to add that Infant Massage could be very useful to you and your baby. Here is a link for more info http://parenting.youk.uk.com/bm/babies/the-importance-of-touch.shtml and http://parenting.youk.uk.com/bm/babies/dads-using-infant-massage-to-bond-with-baby.shtml
@katkah (235)
• United States
8 Feb 08
Hi, I'm a mother of 5 and 2 soon to be step-children for a total of 7, and I was a preschool teacher for 8 years working with ages from 8 weeks up to 10 year olds. There are a few reasons why your baby might be fussy at this stage. #1 he may have an issue with his formula. Have you tried him on other types or talked to his doctor about that possibility. More and more babies are having to go on soy or low iron formula. #2 possibly he still has gas stuck in his system even after burping, which doesn't feel good to the little ones. There are some great baby gas-ex type items on the market, and trying it for a few days won't hurt him in any way. #3 even at 3 months those sweet little angels figure out what does & doesn't work for getting attention. If he has figured out that when he cries you pick him up - he's going to do it. So, take your shower or go pee, and if you know that he has been fed, his diaper is clean, and he isn't hurt - it IS alright to let the little guy cry for a bit. #4 he could be teathing early. If he's drooling a little more than usual, try putting on some teathing soothers- you could get some baby ambisol (spelled wrong there I think)- but that stuff tastes gross. They also have a natural fast desolving tablet for teething that my kids just loved. Or try putting a nuk in the freezer for a bit for him to chew/suck on and see if that helps. If you need any advise or have anymore questions feel free to messege me personally, I'm more than willing to try and help in any way I can.
@katkah (235)
• United States
8 Feb 08
Silly me for tip #3 I wrote 3 months instead of 3 weeks...
@kymommy72 (588)
• United States
8 Feb 08
My son was the same way, wanting to be held constantly. It was a real source of frustration to me when I was trying to get housework done or like you, trying to take a shower or get ready to go somewhere. At three weeks old there really isn't anything you can give him to distract him or entertain him from it either. Is there any chance he might be colic? My advice to you is..if he is feed, with a clean diaper, not sick and still upset then you may just have to leave him be. I know it's hard to just walk away while your little one is so upset, but at times that is the only thing left to do. Place him in his crib or basinet, put some soothing music on or a moblie or a crib toy, and go do what you need to do. I learned this the hard way. And don't feel bad about doing it. I really got down on myself for it and felt like a bad mother, but other mothers have told me they have had to do the same thing from time to time. Eventually he will either cry himself to sleep, calm down or just cry it out til you get done showering or using the bathroom.
@sminut13 (1783)
• Singapore
8 Feb 08
i totally know what you're going through. but your son's really young. not even a month old. shouldn't he be sleeping more?? anyway my son was also like that. i had no choice. i always put him in a stroller and if i were working or cooking in the kitchen i would bring him there, give him something to play with while i cooked. if he started to cry then, i'd use one leg to shake the stroller. when bathing i put him outside the bathroom in the stroller and talked to him while inside. would try to bathe as fast as possible but i always tried to go and bathe when he was sleeping. of course i had to keep my ears open. also when eating, i had to carry him and eat. if i put him on the ground or stroller, he'd start crying, so i'd be holding him and walking about calming him, then eating too while feeding him at the same time. i learnt that these children tend to be known as high needs children. those who're really clingy to their mothers, or just had to have their mother there. i read about it in an article at hubpages.
• United States
17 Dec 08
Have you tried to swaddle him? There are many guides online if you have any problems. Swaddling emulates the conditions of the womb and makes the baby feel more relaxed. When he is relaxed, you can be more relaxed. You should also try to make noise. The sounds of running the vaccum cleaner or a hairdryer are similar to the sounds that a baby hears while in the womb and can also offer a calming sensation. I hope some of these ideas were helpful!