the making of a "brat"

I can see that you are in a bit of an awkward predicament, My husband is step father to my oldest son, who was 7 years old at the time he came on the scene, he was a nightmare. He was only used to it being me and him and dearly resented the intrusion of this man who was threatening to take some of my affections and attention away from him. I made the mistake of closing my husband out, of not letting him have some say in my sons ways simply because I had it in my head that he was my son and I should be the one to say what was what. This was totally wrong and I should have let my husband have some say once it was clear that the relationship was permanent, I have had terrible battles keeping the peace between them because of this and only now 9 years later are they starting to find a mutual bond. There have been some miserable times and this could be how things will be for you if you are pushed out and not let to make any decisions for this boy, because now you are a part of the family and a part of his life and you should be involved in helping to raise him. If he senses that you have no power or say he will use it because my son did, he was very manipulative and played me and my husband off against one another something awful. My parents didnt play a huge part in my sons life at that time so my husband did not have that to contend with but I think that somehow you will eventually have to express your concerns somehow and put your points over, find out how much say you will be allowed to have as his step mum. I wish you all the best and hope that as time goes on you will become more involved in things.

Oh Rose, thanks a lot. I appreciate it. I am really confused and don't know where should I stand. And to think that he is autistic too, makes the matter even worse. I will take your advice. Take care.

You see, I am only a step-mother, I married his father 8th months ago... and he has autism (borderline) he is practically raised by his grandparents since his father works all the time and have no time to take care of him so his own parents have the upper hand on him. I tried to set some rules but changes are not effective with him having been used to a lot of things and me being a new-comer. He pushes me around and I cant do anything about it because he can always get away with it.

It's hard in my case. I met my step-son just recently because I married his father 8th months ago. He is already like that when I met him. So I have to deal with him as is.

I married his father 8th months ago, so I'm a new-comer and you know, usually a new-comer is not always welcome. He was practically raised by his grand-parents because his father works all the time.