Should I put my daughter in pageants?

my daughter - my daughter in her christmas dress
United States
March 1, 2008 11:07pm CST
I have always been told that she is beautiful and adorable. I have a friend who does pageants heavily. Her daughter even goes to a pageant coach. That is why I never put my daughter in the pageants. I did not want them competing against each other. They are only 5 months apart in age so for part of the year, they are the same age. What do you all think? I think my daughter is stunning. And she has attitude to boot. I don't want to get wrapped up in it like some moms do though.
8 people like this
24 responses
@skinnychick (6937)
• United States
2 Mar 08
Beauty pageants in my opinion are the last thing children need. I would focus on her mind and devoloping that so it can go right along with that beauty. I have no question she is beautiful- look at her mama. :) I don't think the payouts on pageants are worth all the time and money for someone else to tell you that your daugher is beautiful. That would be like telling you that you should eat to stay alive. I wouldn't do it at all- just let her be young and free and brilliant- all along with being beautiful. Have a great day!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 08
thanks so much for the comment and for the great compliments on behalf of both myself and my daughter. I think I'm going to take her to one so she can see what it is all about first. Before deciding, I mean. I will let her make the ultimate decision. She may never even mention it again.
• United States
3 Mar 08
That sounds like a good idea to leave it up to her. Good luck she is a beauty! :)
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 08
Thanks. You know I have stuff in my bedroom waiting for me to box it up and mail it to you. I have run out of boxes. But I swear it's coming.
@megumiart (3782)
• United States
2 Mar 08
Only if your daughter really wants to do it, and boost her self esteem so she doesn't get devastated if she doesn't win.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 08
She thinks it would be fun. I have come so close before, but never did it. She just likes being around other kids. I don't think she even understands about the actual contest yet.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 08
If she want's to do it and she is a natural yes. However, let her live a noprmal life, I am sure you don't want her to grow up like Britany Spears. And if she does do iy and she doesn't win let her know you love her win or loose.....
1 person likes this
@AICIRT81 (848)
• United States
2 Mar 08
I agree, if she wants to do and you are comfortable with it, then go for it. but also make sure that she knows that you are proud of her no matter what happens. i also let her know that if she tries it and decided that she does not like it that it is ok to quit. She is very pretty. She will go far in life no matter what she decides is right for her.
@kimbers867 (2541)
• United States
2 Mar 08
It all comes down to if your daughter wants to do it. Plus if she thinks it is going to be fun. My daughter had a friend whose mom pushed her into pagents, it's not really a big thing here in Maryland like it is in the South. That's my opinion. The girl is very snotty and thinks she is so much better then other girls. After talking to her mother, I can see where she developed that attitude - - - from Mom. I commend you for not wanting her to compete with her friend. I think that might cause problems. Why don't you pursue the child modeling, acting path instead. There is competition but I honestly don't think it is in your face competition. Does that make sense? Good luck with whatever the two of you decide.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 08
I live in southern Illinois. Way southern. Like the southernmost tip. I don't know of anywhere around here where I could even attempt to get her a modeling job. I am sure I can search online but they would all be far away.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 08
Chicago would be your best bet but that sounds like it way north of you.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 08
I looked around on myspace after this comment. I have found some info on there about modeling. Yes, chicago is about 8 hours away, I believe.
@mrsjbelle (1641)
• United States
3 Mar 08
I have a friend that does it and I went to one of the pageants I personally think its to much pressure on the kids and it is EXPENSIVE. She has (or wants) to buy 2,000 dresses etc which you pretty much have to have to win plus the cost of traveling and if you wont put her in the same pageant as the other girl where would you go? Its also very time consuming. What are the benefits? Could she win a college education? And of course every parent thinks his or her child is the best would it cause trouble in your friendship? How does she feel about it?
1 person likes this
@mrsjbelle (1641)
• United States
3 Mar 08
CORR $2,000 dollar dresses not 2,000 dresses lol
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 08
My friends daughter does really big pageants now. She actually goes to some of them and does the crowning. So i don't think I would have to worry about it if we just did small ones at the mall and such. My friend has one of those dresses. The Tiffany brand. It was way expensive. I know where I can knock off ones tho. They don't look exactly the same but close enuf to me.
@mac1946 (1602)
• Calgary, Alberta
3 Mar 08
As you are both very pretty ( if I were thirty years or so younger,I may try to change your mind on being single)and would probably win many pagents,but here are some questions you might think about before answering. Pageants,no matter how small cost money,there is the training,like models,you must know how to walk properly. the costumes worn,to begin with,home made may be ok,but once you start competing,you need to buy very expensive outfits as well as the cosmetics. while it sounds ok to start small and just for fun,if she turns out to be one of the "natural"model types(which she could very well be)attituds can change very quickly. The training to begin with will take at least a few nights a week,this will take away play time,always bad for younger children,but it will give her an insite to the world of work. I have known a few girls that were in both pageants and going to modeling schools,and while the intent was fun,it became very serious without anyone noticing right away,and it did effect the children. Your aditude is commendable and if you do deside to help her in this,and you would like to ask questions,I hope you will let me know,I will give you all the help I can, Pageants can be a great help,or thay can become a great curse. I wish you both,great happyness.
• United States
3 Mar 08
Thank you for the input. I just don't know. I would rather get her into modeling. I think she is great and would make a super child model. I don't know how many times I have looked at my parenting magazines and seen these kids that were not attractive to me at all. I have even said, my daughter is prettier than that. She has so much attitude and can be stubborn at times though.
@mac1946 (1602)
• Calgary, Alberta
4 Mar 08
As you are looking out for the best interests of your daughter,I think one or two pageants might give her a taste of what it is like,make no commitments,nor spend a great deal on the outfits to start,and you never know,I know a couple of women that have modelling agencies that go to these pageants looking for girls that show the best prospects for modelling and take them to their classes. I wish you all the very best for you both.
@merjun (158)
• Philippines
3 Mar 08
if the purpose is to build your childs self confidence then why not.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 08
yes, that is true.
@di1159 (1580)
• United States
3 Mar 08
Hi, after watching a special on child beauty pageants, I was amazed and revolted by the lenghts parents go to in order to insure victory, not to mention the money they spend! If she wants to do it for fun, by all means, just don't fall into that competitive trap. I wish you both luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 08
I promise, I won't.
@sprout (135)
• China
3 Mar 08
What a lovely girl. In my opinion, it is a really good chance for your daughter . Just tell her the most important is the process or the experience not the result. No matter what will happen, you love her forever.
• United States
3 Mar 08
Thank you so much!
@coffeeshot (3786)
• Australia
3 Mar 08
I think if you think your daughter is beautiful and talented enough to be in pageants, perhaps you should try her in modelling. Just catalogue modelling. That way there's not so much competitiveness (well there still will be at auditions etc but not as much as in the world of pageants). Personally, I wouldn't want my child to be around those sorts of people. Even though you sound like a greatm other who would protect your child from that sort of thing, it's inevitable that some of the competitiveness and shallowness of the whole scene will rub off on your daughter. I don't think that children should be entered into competitions where they win on terms of how they look.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 08
That is a great point. I don't know how to get her into modeling. I live really far away from any places that would have agencies.
• United States
2 Mar 08
Only if she wants too, also only if you think she can take not winning. And her knowing that it is for fun, and that just because you dont win doesnt make you ugly. I kinda think they should be a little older personally but thats just me. How about dance maybe? That is fun and is good for cute girls! Good luck with it!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 08
Thanks.
@catjane (1036)
• United States
2 Mar 08
Personally, I don't like to see little girls all painted up in make up and clothes way to provocative for them. Little girls should be just that and play with toys and have fun with friends. If you start turning them in to prima donnas they will have problems with society as they grow older. Girls are not princesses and they shouldn't be taught that their worth is only inthe way they look and dress. So, no, stay away from the pagents. Put her in the girl scouts or some other worthwhile kids organization where she will learn about her inner self and inner beauty.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 08
She is too young for girl scouts still. That doesn't usually start til school. And I have already said that I would never "paint her up." I tell her all the time she is a princess. She loves the disney princesses.
@gemini_rose (16194)
2 Mar 08
As long as you do it for the right reasons, it would be something that maybe you and your daughter could do together and enjoy, treat it as a bit of fun, dont let it get too serious and too heavy otherwise your daughter could end up being totally self conscious of herself and losing her confidence. I know that some people take it too far and it must be really horrible for the kids, I would have a go if your daughter wants to it would be good fun.
• United States
2 Mar 08
Yes, thank you. That is how I would want it to be.
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
2 Mar 08
I think that if your daughter really wants to do it then you should let her. I do not think that there is anything wrong with pageants as long as the parent does them correctly. Do not let the worries about "what if she doesn't win" bother you because children need to learn that sometimes you win, sometimes you dont - that is just how life goes. I was in pageants when I was younger. I loved them for the longest time. If I made a mistake while up there, my mother would still smile and tell me how wonderful I did. She never pushed me into any of it and the moment I said I did not want to do it anymore, that was it, we didn't go anymore. My aunt on the other hand had both of her daughters in pageants and you would think that you were walking into some army drill camp or something when you walked into their home a few weeks before competition. The momet her kids did something wrong on stage she was yelling at them from the moment they walked off. And even when the littlest one was in tears crying she didn't want to do it anymore - the mother was yelling at her to keep going and then pushed her to keep going back. As long as you keep yourself in check then you will be fine. Be the mother that is doing it because its fun and not the mother who is living through the daughter and you will be fine. The pageant moms that are drill sergents are the ones who are living their dreams and their fantasies through the kid. Best of luck to you! She'll have lots of fun!!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 08
That's exactly how I would want to be. Like your mom, not the aunt. LOL. I would never make her do it. It's always funnier and cuter when they do something that wasn't rehearsed anyway.
• United States
2 Mar 08
In my opinion there is to much emphasis put on looks today already. If she really wanted to do this as a fun thing ,enter in local pagents only or a talent contest.You don't want to give your daughter the impression at this age that looks is all that natters.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 08
I would never travel all over like my friend does. Don't have the time even if I wanted to. Have you guys noticed the links under our comments and what they are saying? Some of them are crazy. Like know all the pageant secrets. LOL.
@BYOLA2871 (4376)
• South Africa
2 Mar 08
well i think if you put her in the pageant just for the fun of it its okay it becomes bad if you make a do or die affair.the whole thing will loose its effect as it will just be about you proving a point to people and it will no longer be fun for the kid
• United States
2 Mar 08
yes, it would only be for fun. And it is in no way shape or form for me. I have no desire to be in any pageant.
• United States
2 Mar 08
Good question. I have a 2 year old daughter. I get stopped with strangers telling me she is beautiful as well, but I just take it as a compliment and move on. I was approached at one point about 3 months ago. A woman, who introduced herself of the president and CEO of a local pagent, approached me in a grocery store and asked if I had ever considered entering my daughter. She told me of all the scholarships that could be won as well as the self esteem and over all well roundedness that my daughter would acquire...I politely took her card and told her I would talk to my husband and we would consider it. I had no intention of even remotely considering putting my daughter in a pagent. I don't want her to grow up thinking looks are all there is in life. I don't want her to be exploited for the pedifiles to be tempted by. I don't want her to be conceited... these are just a few of the reasons i chose not to. My daughter is truely beautiful and in reality would probably do well in pagents...as far as the self esteem goes...if the girls are beautiful, they will be recognized in life, so why do pagents? I want to teach my daughter that inner beauty is far more improtant...
• United States
2 Mar 08
Yes and my daughter already has enough high self-esteem for us both. I am very confidant as a person. I do have some low self-esteem about my weight. It isn't that I think I'm fat, but I know that I need to lose the 20 pounds I put on when I hurt my back. I think that I am a good role model for my daughter. I am a single mom who is making it. I have a great job. Own my own business now. I will have 2 degrees very soon. I don't need pageants to help in this area. She thinks it would be fun to do. I don't know if she even really understands the concept really. Maybe I will just take her to watch one first. Then go from there.
@twils2 (1821)
• United States
2 Mar 08
Hi Just2crazygirlz, I dont see anything wrong with this as long as neither one of you take it to seriously, not that I think you would. I think I would let her try it once or twice and see if its what she wants. If either one of you start to get carried away with it, it could turn very bad for her. I think your daughter could have a chance to win some of these thing as she looks really beautiful. Take care, Terry
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 08
Thanks. I wouldn't want it to turn bad either. I am sure the first time she got her feelings hurt, that would be it for me. I don't want her to be upset over something that is supposed to be fun.
@r1mp2ge (263)
• Ukraine
2 Mar 08
I'm sure your daughter is very pretty and I hope she has a wonderful life...The question you have to ask yourself is not should you put her in a pageant but what it would do to her if she loses or wins.As you mentioned above competing with the other girl might be fine with your daughter but what about the other girl...does she feel the same way...Will the mother of that girl feel differently about you?Maybe you could give it a go..just try it for one time and if everything goes well...Please let me know.
• United States
2 Mar 08
Right. We are best friends and the girls are good friends. I would never put them in the same pageant. I do not want them to compete.
@elemental69 (1562)
• Ireland
3 Mar 08
I would say let your daughter enjoy her childhood. I have seen a lot of programmes on these pageants and it really looks like the chld is being exploited. The more she grows up the more stunning she will become. That will be the time to get her into modelling if she wants to do it.. :-)
1 person likes this
@SHAMRACK (8350)
• India
3 Mar 08
Hi, In our place in India we rarely have any pageants for childern, Still there are organizationals and institutions who give training and classes for this. I feel that it would give a beauty consciousness and moreover the confidence level of child and the moral capacity of child is also be in more positive side. May the child decision on this might prove to more important.
1 person likes this