My Mother, How I Love Her...?

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I love my mother dearly. Not so crazy about her husband, my stepdad, but he's still okay in small doses. She has to work late on Thursdays, but she gets a long lunch to make up for it. She lives 2 houses down, and she can be a bit overbearing. What mother isn't? I am uncomfortable around men. I am married to a man that understands this. I get very, very, very nervous around them, especially if I am alone, and it doesn't matter who the man is. The only men this does NOT apply to are my husband and my gay uncle. I have tried to explain this to my mom, but apparently it just didn't sink in, or she forgot. It happens. Yesterday during her lunch break she stopped by my house, not an uncommon occurrence, and asked if my son could go down to her house until she left to go back to work. I'm fine with this, that's my mother and my son's grandma. When she brought him back, she also brought a bucket of Play-Doh, Play-Doh tools, and... her husband. She didn't call first to make sure it was okay, or even ask once she got here. I gave her a funny look, and she said "Pawpaw's going to stay and play Play-Doh with P. until time for you to go get B. from school." Um, no he's not? I think maybe she didn't realize it would be another 2 1/2 hours until I went to get my stepson, but still. She knows that both my husband and I are uncomfortable with her husband (or any other man, for that matter) being here while my husband isn't, and she also knows that my son has Play-Doh that I bought for him. Maybe I'm crazy, but shouldn't she have cleared something like that with me? I'm a stay-home mom, her husband is unemployed, and just because I stay home doesn't mean I have time to entertain everyone that walks through my front gate! So, when she said that, so matter-of-factly, I told her off. I didn't say as much as I wanted to, but I did tell her that it would be a while before I left, that I had things to do, and that "PawPaw" could only stay for 20 minutes. And only because she had already promised my son. That's another thing. She will promise my son things without asking me or my husband first, or just ignore everything we say. He's almost 3, never had a bottle as a baby, but he has one at her house ("Only at Grandma's, and only water! That's okay, right, Mommy and Daddy?" NO!). I realize it's a grandparent's privilege to spoil their grandkids, but to promise him that he can come over the next day (just to get him to stop crying and go home with me) without knowing what kind of plans that parents already have? That's really pushing it. It is a PRIVILEGE to spoil them, after all. I also feel that it's MY job to tell my son why we have to leave Grandma's, not hers to try and take him out of my arms--and get offended when I tell her not to. If I have to be the "bad guy" and take him home from her house, shouldn't I also be the one to tell him why it's time to leave? Should I write her a letter saying all this, or should I tell her in person? I am much better at writing than face-to-face confrontation. I get muddled in person, get taken off-course by questions that are barely relevant (i.e. Why are you uncomfortable around him? Has he done something to you?), and I am generally dissatisfied with the way things end. Although, if the person being confronted is someone I don't know, it's way easier. However, I don't want to write her a letter and have everything I write be misunderstood. I've started staying inside the house, even on pretty days when my son is begging to go out and play, just because I don't want to have her husband come up here and just stand around talking to me. I'm outside playing with my kid for pete's sake, go away! I'm not sure how I would tell her all this and have her understand, remember, and not be too offended. Or should I just say "to hell with it" and do what I want, not caring who I offend? Advice is nice, my friends, and thanks!