are you a jealous type? what drives you to feel this way?
March 17, 2008 12:00pm CST
i'm married and as far as i remember even to my previous relationship i am not a jealous type nor do i think/feel it is necessary to feel this way. not pushing someone to believe in me as i know we all have our own reason why we believe and feel this way. to me when you love someone and you feel he loves you too there is no room to feel insecure or to wonder bout how he feels bout you. i feel that jealousy roots from not being secure and not trusting or knowing your partner. it is like you fooling yourself that you trust your man/woman but then you feel jealous so to me it doesnt make sense. if your partner is honest with you and you are having doubts, instead of keeping it to yourself you better voice it out and let him/her know how you feel and how it is affecting you. most of the time your partner dont have an idea how you feel till you let him/her know. jealousy can be healthy but most of the time it is painful and often leads to breaking your or your partner's heart. i want to understand why other's feel this way, i know i feel this at times coz i feel insecure when i shouldnt so it is easier for me to understand the situation and make the jealousy go away and i feel it helps me to be a better person each time. how often you feel jealous? why do you feel this way? what reason drives you to feel this way? do you let your partner knows about it? how does he/she handles it? do you think it is healthy? i love to know your story and maybe understand others more and relationship as well. takecare.
• United States
18 Mar 08
Jealousy is perfectly normal. I think a person who has less than full trust in another will feel it if they feel like the other has been paying more attention to someone else. If the person is insecure, they are going to be jealous if they think some else is getting to close. I don't have a partner because I have been let down too many times by others. Now I don't trust people in the respect of a long term relationship.
• United States
18 Mar 08
hi daeckardt, yes, jealousy is perfectly normal and whoever says it is not is just fooling himself coz it is one kind of emotion and no one can deny it. like i said, the root of it i guess (referring to myself) is insecurities and no trust coz i cant find any other reason other than that. i just dont feel it often even before coz of my childhood and i guess over time my mind is set that there is no room for jealousy in my life. to make my life story short, my father is married to another woman after us and i was raised that we always have to let go of someone we love, if we cannot make that person happy then we should always let that person find his happiness even if it causes ours. so i trained myself like that, and it sure does help me to understand relationship more, i tell my feelings upfront to who ever i am dating before (till i settle down now) and let it very clear that i can only give a second chance and it is up to him if he will cheat or not, i can be your sweetest one but i can be the coldest once i feel that the relationship is not going to work. i hate to push myself to anybody and i hate playing games of testing one's emotion (often times guys or girls says they flirt coz they want to test their partner's feelings if they will react or not, to me that is BS) emotion should always handle with care and not be played like that. of course being young and all that, we all tend to be like this but to me i am always honest and stick to one so i cannot judge nobody coz i am in no position to do so. my 1st bf - bless his soul! (my 2nd is my hubby) always gets mad at me coz i dont get jealous and let him be, he thinks i care less and worst he thinks i dont love him coz i dont get jealous, i just dont get it, since when it becomes a measurement of love? anyway, that relationship didnt last coz of too much games going on and my heart dont work that way, i love and that's it! hey, when we are in china i let him meet other friends (mostly girls coz he likes girls friends over guys and i am the opposite, i like guy friends over gals) and they talk forever on phone, meet for lunch or see museums, or sometimes chinese likes to come to our home to see if he really does have a girl so after they meet me they are gone, not because he toss her it's just that i guess often the foreigners there likes to lie about his real relationship and he is not like that. my friends always say it is crazy to let him meet other girls coz it is dangerous. i said it is not coz only that way you will know if he truly love you and he will know your worth (in my opinion) beside i know them all (though never met most of them) coz he will show me everything and let me know what's going on, i am free to check his emails or phone or whatever i please (which i dont) so there is no room for me to wonder and feel awkward. if i have question or concerns i let him know and we figure out what we need to do. i dont like to cage nor be cage, he is his own individual and so am i and i want him to enjoy himself without worries. we only live once so i feel that we should enjoy it. as long as he knows the consequences of his actions then that is all i care. i make it clear and i make sure we both know what it is, so in the end there is nothing to blame or regret. im happy, he's happy and that is all i care. sorry to hear bout your past relationship, i dont want to be nosey, but if you want to share i am all ears! it is always hard to trust, but it is harder not to.
• United States
24 Mar 08
you made me wonder (i hate wondering, hahaha) with your response, hmmmmm..... yes, i really hope that my relationship works and be my last. i have no doubts and that makes it more wonderful (imho) i wish you the same, i hope you find your happiness too with or without a relationship, happiness is not measured by that. takecare ps sorry it takes me forever to reply (4 days) i just found your post now, i yah!
18 Mar 08
yes, i'm a jealous type..sometimes if i caught my boyfriend talking with other girls who are much beautiful than me, i feel so insicure and jealous but i dont let him knows about it, i only keep it in my self..i think i'ts normal for all who can feel jealousy because it's a normal feeling..it will become bad when the person will act in a bad way, or overreacting..
• United States
18 Mar 08
hi cherriemae, you shouldnt think less of yourself if you someone that you this is more beautiful than you remember your bf is dating you so that means you stand out among the others. i do believe that we make ourselves pretty/beautiful on how we present ourselves and our outlook in life. if we think that person is ahead of us then we allow it to happen. you have to remember that it is human nature that guys like to check out girls, there nothing wrong about it and a guy who says they dont do that is just making a fool of themselves. such nature is normal and they cannot fight about it except of course if they are gay and like to check the guys haha! if i am out with my husband i tell him who i think are pretty or handsome and he says the same, we are open on our views in regards of admiring beauties, we are very much aware that there will always be someone who will look much better than you or that someone who thinks they are the best, that's not gonna happen. individuality i guess! i have to commend you on how you entertain such feeling (as i do that in rare occasion too - hey i'm only human) like you i talk to my self and fins out the reason why i feel that way and from that i can make the move without harming the relationship - 99.99% i voice out my feelings at that very moment coz he trained me to be that way. nagging is not good specially if it's because of jealousy. my other bestfriend ( i have 2) always nags her bf who is her husband now and it always ends up in a fight that hurts them both. i told her she is too paranoid about everything and she is over reacting to her husband's way of living. i told her that if she continue to do that she will never gonna be happy coz she is creating a ghost (jealousy) that will always haunts her and she will always just worry instead of just being happy and communicate with her husband. oh well, we are all different on how we deal in our lives, like what i always tell to my friends what works for me doesnt mean it will work for you, we are all different individual and being their partner's love they know better than i do or anybody else who likes to butt in in their relationship. i wish you happiness and love. takecare