Something is wrong with me
March 20, 2008 10:08pm CST
I'm counting the days till I can go back to school, that's not normal. Normal is to be happy to be on Spring Break, but I was tempted to lie and say I had finals till Friday so I wouldn't have to be home on break as long. Of course I didn't lie, that's wrong, and so I came home Tuesday night as soon as I was done, like a good little girl, but I want to go back. I feel awkward at home now and like I'm intruding on a rhythm and harmony that finally came about after I left. My family has had problems since I was 8, or at least that is when I distinctly remember a change in how my parents behaved toward eachother and toward me. I love them, but I don't want to be here anymore, it's like I just want to avoid everything. I've always been very passive and never get involved, once I left for school this year, and have had a good time at this school, I instantly started living without much stress in my life. That too doesn't sound normal, since everyone else thinks college is stressful, I don't, I just do the work and don't worry about it. When I came home for Christmas, I was reintroduced to stress, TV, arguing, something I never do, ever at school, and just walk away when others argue so I don't have to listen in. I could have done nicely with a week and a half for Christmas, not a month. Now I just wish I didn't have to have a break at all pretty much. I wish I had enough money to get an apartment down there and stay year round and just come here for short visits, but I don't know if that's ever going to happen since I can't seem to get invites for Elite Resurrected like I had hoped, that seems to be falling through as well. I don't know what to think or do, I know money is never THE ANSWER, I just wish I could get my invites, at least then I would start having more options in my future, and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have to be here as often.